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jeremy1990
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Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Thread Started on Nov 5, 2009, 12:40pm »
By the subject name of this post I know there are going to be plenty of people out there who aren't going to be happy with me but please, I didn't start this thread to make enemies, I know I need help but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I am Eurasian of English & Philippine ancestry, Australian by birth. I grew up here in Perth, Western Australia and have lived here my entire life... so.. I guess you would assume I'm an aussie right? from what I've seen & experienced I disagree.

Living life as child was the greatest gift ever given to me. Worry free, Trouble free, playing with friends, mixing with others, equality, and sense of belonging; those were the days, then I guess as people say, we grow up.

Being a teenager has been the most difficult part of my life both physically & mentally. Starting high school in a predominantly white area didn't start off well for me. I was the only non white in my 8th & 9th grade class and due to that I copped all the racist abuse and remarks, however this was only the tip of the ice berg in comparison to what I experienced during my later years.

I eventually got into the whole heavy metal scene and that's where the racism really started to gain strong ground on me. I met people at my school who were also into the metal scene in my senior years. We had common interests so it was quite easy to befriend them, This is where it the majority of the racism really got to me and changed how I view my friends, family and of course, life.

A lot of the times they would question me why I would listen to heavy music, labelling it as the white mans music and the music for an alternative to the whole hip hop scene. I would question what they meant by that and they would always reply with the same sort of response, being 'You're bloody asian / You're a gook and there are no colored faggots in metal' - Those were the most common responses I would get. I guess you can deduce from this they weren't friends, though I still stuck around them hoping one day they would accept as a friend & equal, not as inferior, unfortunately it never came and instead just got worst.

Their hatred for people of color slowly came out over time, of couse most evident in their conversations. They would talk constantly about race, in particular the 'asianisation' of Australia. It was from here on I wanted to move on and get as far away from these people as possible because I was no racist and was half asian at that. During their conversations they would always relate it to me somehow and pin their misfortunes on me; this would probably erge you even more to get away from such animals but instead it weakened me and I began to believe the words comming out of their mouths. My self confidence dropped, my ability to hold conversations & positive body language also plunged dramatically. Due to this I couldn't move on, I was scared to do so and I feared if I tried to meet new people within my school I would be rejected instantly for being asian or having asian blood in me. Due to this I stayed with them and continued to be hated, rather than leaving them to be lonely.

I later found out two of them were hanging Nazi flags in their bedrooms but I was still too weak to stand up for myself and what I thought was right and continued to be their racial amusement.

I'm now 19, school was out two years ago but everything they spoke about has sunk deep into my head; 'race mixing is wrong, it's an act of genocide, killing off the existance of the white race and infecting our gene pool' - Those words and many others play over and over in my head and have up to today influenced how I treat my family & friends, especially my mother who carries the asian blood; I have become very racist. :'(

In a nutshell, I've become a white supremacist.

I don't want to live like this and I absolutely hate it!

I don't mean to cause anger, nor do I want your sympathy but help on how to rid myself of these horrific ideas!

I do apologize if I have caused anger.


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waywardwolf
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #1 on Nov 5, 2009, 1:31pm »
Take a little journey. If you don't have any responsibilities holding you back, life can wait for a while. A change of scenery makes a big difference sometimes.
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sweetfart
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #2 on Nov 5, 2009, 2:09pm »
Jeremy, you are certainly not the only one on this forum who feels this way because of your experiences. I ended up taking the opposite route to where I now struggle with my closeted racism towards white people, but I notice many Eurasians just resort to hating their Asian blood and trying everything to deny it.

Unfortunately, racism exists everywhere. And it's not necessarily feasible to just move somewhere else that has better racial relations. I live in one of the whitest states of the USA, so I understand how you feel. I really don't think there is a solution to it other than to be very aggressive in social tactics (be VERY extroverted). Finding a white person who is open and friendly to other races out here is like pouring sand through a drainer net to find gold, rocks, minerals, or whatever: you have to put yourself out there and socialize with thousands more people than the average white person has to, just find a handful of folks who don't shy away from you because you're Asian. lol I guess I'm too lazy though, as I'm extremely introverted and I'm not one to go approach someone during a mixer, for instance.
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #3 on Nov 5, 2009, 2:19pm »
Oh yeah, and here's a thread I found somehow on StormFront:

http://www.stormfront.org/forum/showthread.php?t=444565

Perhaps not so surprising that many half Asians are answering yes to the first question. Let me ask, were you one of them? :P
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #4 on Nov 5, 2009, 3:01pm »
Well, you're pretty self-aware so that's a good start. Racism born out of ignorance and unconscious indoctrination is probably harder to get rid of than racism that you are aware of and that was consciously beat into you over many years.

I agree with wayward - getting a little distance, seeing other places, can really expand your worldview, increase your confidence, and help you find your own identity. It's always a chance to reinvent yourself. It sounds like you have some heavy psychological scars and that they won't heal overnight, but hanging out with the same people isn't going to help. Anyway, EAN has got your back.


From the sweetfart's Stormfront link (this is my favorite):
"Smoky, this is a half-breed you are talking to. They have no cultural identity that can match or fit into that of either a pure white or pure Asian. A half-breed can only fit into a lifeless Jewish TV-consumerism culture, as we have today."

OMG, that's so me! I even married a Jewess!



Humor helps. You might need some distance before you can really look at a group of Australian neo-nazi white nationalist heavy metal fans and laugh at them, but trust me, you will.
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #5 on Nov 5, 2009, 4:05pm »
I third that, you should focus on larger multicultural areas obviously.

LOL'ed at Stormfront 'EA wanting to be white caricature' as I wished more than once I were 100% Asian even though I never was in touch with my Asian side much ! Funny how they cannot even conceive the existence of Yellow/Black supremacists.
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toyomansi
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #6 on Nov 6, 2009, 2:14am »
I agree that a change of environment would be good for you. Preferrably if you could find a way to study/work/live in a culturally/ethnically diverse area, and try step by step to get to know people with different viewpoints and beliefs than your old "friends". And if you could possibly find a way to gradually spend more time with people of your Asian side. But you have to approach this with an open mind and a desire to change your white supremacist beliefs.

You will find that non-white people (and open minded white people) will meet you and treat you with the respect and acceptance that your old racist crowd could never do. This is why many of us often prefer the company of non-white people, because we respect and accept each other and do not make each other feel inferior because of our ethnicity/cultural identity. As for me, I couldn't be happier that I chose to move to study in an ethnically/culturally diverse area; it really raised my self confidence, made me proud of my Asian background and I made tons of friends with all kinds of ethnical/cultural backgrounds (white too), who never looked down on me (like many white people would where I came from).

Hopefully, if getting to know people of different ethnicities, you will see their perspective of life and realize that they are not inferior to white people at all, that it's only an illusion that exists in the minds of white supremacists.
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Ganbare!
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #7 on Nov 8, 2009, 6:39pm »
Reminds me of my own experience. Although my social circle is mostly Caucasian, I feel more comfortable in non-white groups and I do not necessarily mean diverse, I got an Iranian bunch of friends and even if I'm not entirely accepted as one of them, we do feel closer than if I were White because we're all minorities or immigrants for some of us.

The sense of belonging is a complex mix of culture, nationality and physical appearance.
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #8 on Nov 10, 2009, 12:54am »
Sup man. I'm a similar mix as you and live in the same backwater city, so if you want to grab some coffee and shoot the wind with a fellow EA just send me a PM and maybe we can organise a meet-up. You're not the only Eurasian in the arse-end of Australia. I'm some years older than you so if you have any questions I'm more than happy to answer them. I live north of the river, btw.
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #9 on Nov 18, 2009, 6:26am »
LOL TROLL!!111

THREE WORDS: KIRK f***ING HAMMETT! (Filipino/Irish)
also LOUDNESS (japanese)
also HERMAN LI (chinese)

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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #10 on Nov 18, 2009, 11:57am »
Hey Jeremy,

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. I'm amazed how open and aware you are of your situation. Seems like you already know the way out, you just have to trust yourself and do it. "There are no mistakes. Ultimately its all learning" is something I try to remember.

Four members have already said it and I was thinking the same thing when reading your post. Movement. Places and spaces. Its kind of funny how putting yourself in a foreign environment, where so much is different and new, can help you focus on your inner self.


great to have you hear Jeremy. :)
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #11 on Nov 27, 2009, 3:38am »
Metal sucks anyway. Forget that sh!t and start to listen electronic music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9hazmsUxrM&feature=fvst
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #12 on Nov 27, 2009, 3:44am »

Nov 8, 2009, 6:39pm, Ganbare! wrote:
Reminds me of my own experience. Although my social circle is mostly Caucasian, I feel more comfortable in non-white groups and I do not necessarily mean diverse, I got an Iranian bunch of friends and even if I'm not entirely accepted as one of them, we do feel closer than if I were White because we're all minorities or immigrants for some of us.

The sense of belonging is a complex mix of culture, nationality and physical appearance.


That's so childish!!!
Intelligent people have a sense of belonging "only" between intelligent people, regardless of their race and culture.
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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #13 on Nov 27, 2009, 7:43am »
Yes, you are more intelligent than me, I is ape, go back to forest, hubba hubba ::).

Have you heard of patriotism or communautarism ? I bet you find people adhering to these political theories stupid right ?

You're mixing up two different notions, sure people with similar education or opinions will probably be close but culture or race still plays an important role in the constitution of one's identity and social interactions.


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Re: Victim of Racism - I now hate being eurasian
« Reply #14 on Nov 27, 2009, 11:34am »

Nov 27, 2009, 7:43am, Ganbare! wrote:
Have you heard of patriotism or communautarism ? I bet you find people adhering to these political theories stupid right ?

You're mixing up two different notions, sure people of similar social background or education will probably be close but culture or race still plays an important role in the constitution of one's identity.


Nationalism = tribalism = racism= hate. The future human society (which will be surely better than this) won't have these problems.
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"All truth passes through three stages.
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Third, it is accepted as being self-evident" - Arthur Schopenhauer
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