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Post by admin on Jun 4, 2009 9:50:22 GMT -5
My father dated, then married a disabled woman. My mother was totally blind. My father loved her dearly, treated her as a full human being, and always spoke to her and about her in a respectful manner. Even with her disability, she was able to earn her Ph.D., raise three children, and contribute positively to society.
"Disabilities" come in all forms, some more obvious than others.
My father was not religious, although he was raised (more or less) Anglican. He had read the bible many times, however, and would sometimes sling a passage at me for me to chew on. I'll pass along one of his favorites:
Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.
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Post by thesa on Jun 4, 2009 10:38:02 GMT -5
^ such an encouraging and heart-warming story, Admin.
"Disabilities" come in all forms, some more obvious than others.
agreed! And who is to set the benchmark of what is (perceived as) a disability and what not anyways?
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Post by milkman's baby on Jun 4, 2009 13:53:20 GMT -5
If it was a disability that was apparent on initially meeting the person face-to-face such as blindness, wheelchair use, amputation, Down's syndrome, etc. then my honest answer would be no. I am simply not attracted to them in the same sense that I am not attracted to any other man I would consider physically/verbally unattractive at first glance. However, there have been a few times in which I've grown to find these initially ugly men attractive - rarely, but it has happened. So it is possible I would find a disabled individual attractive, in which case I would not hesitate to date them (in the unlikely event they would want to date me - ha!).
And then there are people with certain conditions and diseases, which I'm not sure qualify as disabilities, that are usually not apparent until they inform you. These include lupus, forms of multiple sclerosis, and maybe even cancer. I would have no reservations in dating them if they are attractive. It's not like I'm the healthiest person in the world. However, I couldn't date someone with an infectious disease such as AIDS or tuberculosis.
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Post by stray on Jun 4, 2009 14:01:01 GMT -5
TB? C'mon.. Doc Holiday was a sexy beast. ;D
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Post by milkman's baby on Jun 4, 2009 14:03:24 GMT -5
He may have been, but I don't want TB myself. Contrary to popular belief, there are times in which you need to put yourself first.
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Post by stray on Jun 4, 2009 14:13:21 GMT -5
No, I'm kidding. I understand contagions and stuff. Yeah after a point disability takes on new meanings. I think generally speaking though, it's got to be one of the biggest tests of character? Dating-wise.. Or relationship wise. It takes a lot if you stick with someone you already loved too. Hell, people leave for worse reasons. There are dudes who leave their wives and get a midlife crisis and all that... So in a way, they see even age as a disability. Or obesity. More than likely, people who keep doing this I think will probably die alone with no one to take care of them once they themselves are disabled. I think I'm ranting now
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Post by ChickenSoda on Jun 4, 2009 14:17:00 GMT -5
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Post by Groink on Jun 4, 2009 17:19:16 GMT -5
I think one of the hardest disabilities for a couple to overcome is when one of them gets severely burned. Since the beginning of the Iraq War, a number of stories have come to light about soldiers and Marines being severely burnt and disfigured because of roadside attacks/IEDs.
Don't know if any of you know the story of Ty Ziegler, who was a Marine who suffered massive injuries in an attack. There's a fairly famous wedding photograph of him (post recovery) and his wife by Nina Berman that's made the rounds on the internet. What struck me was how unhappy she looked. And I saw other pictures of them together, both before and after. Before, she was smiling and happy. But in all the after pictures, she was very solemn looking and decidedly unhappy. The separated two years later.
It was just so sad to me. I felt bad for her, and I felt bad for him. On the one hand, if I had been disfigured in that way, I would want someone to love me unconditionally, but conversely I don't know if I could do the same for someone in that condition. And they are both so young.
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Post by milkman's baby on Jun 4, 2009 19:22:20 GMT -5
Don't know if any of you know the story of Ty Ziegler, who was a Marine who suffered massive injuries in an attack. There's a fairly famous wedding photograph of him (post recovery) and his wife by Nina Berman that's made the rounds on the internet. What struck me was how unhappy she looked. And I saw other pictures of them together, both before and after. Before, she was smiling and happy. But in all the after pictures, she was very solemn looking and decidedly unhappy. The separated two years later. It was just so sad to me. I felt bad for her, and I felt bad for him. On the one hand, if I had been disfigured in that way, I would want someone to love me unconditionally, but conversely I don't know if I could do the same for someone in that condition. And they are both so young. I'm not trying to trivialize it by posting this, but here is the wedding photo: graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2007/08/21/arts/wedding.jpgI get you how you might not feel unconditional love for someone that looks like that. But I guess if your love is so strong for the person those things are overcome. I mean, aren't spouses supposed to be like family? And who in their right mind would lose love for a family member because of their looks? It really is a sad situation, especially because of the story behind why he looks like that. www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/article1294008.ece?token=null&offset=0:" He had seen other badly wounded soldiers and marines get dumped by their girlfriends in hospital.."
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Post by Subuatai on Jun 5, 2009 7:00:02 GMT -5
^no offense but that seriously is the stupidest thing i ve ever seen you write. at least you re honest about it but i m left dumbfounded by such shallowness and downright stupidity. in fact, it s funny you claim to be so much more mongol (asian) than your assert your white side, because it s in fact more likely that asians wear spectacles. and aren t you the one who said we re all human in the end? LOL! ;D Since when does vision have to do with race? There's people who wear spectacles and people who have 20/20 vision in all races. I am only being honest with my preference - which has nothing to do with race at all, but individual qualities. Yes Mongols are Asians but not many of my people wear spectacles, so I'm used to this. We've been marksmen/markswomen since ancient times to survive. When it comes to my wife she can lose both arms and both legs but I'll still love her to death. That's different. Read my statement again - I said I would not DATE anyone without 20/20 vision, I did not mention the possibility of them developing bad vision because frankly that's a different story. Pffft, we take the piss outta each other all the time. What's a relationship to you? All birds and flowers and butterflies out of your arse? ;D 80% of my income which comes from 7 days work goes straight to my wife, and I'm the only one working in the household. I don't need to use sweet little words to show her that I care about us and our daughter, and she's not that sensitive to the point she would take offense to my comments about her weight. She tells me off all the time too ha! This is VERY interesting, I think some people on this forum fail to understand past tense and present tense. It seems many prefer to judge me on my past instead of my present. I am honest about my PAST to share my mistakes, and the lessons I learnt. ROFL! It takes more then that to get me disabled ;D Ne ways ahliang/Palaver Strong genes is not a racial trait, and you have to be really racialist to even think like that. It's rather hypocritical for you to call me a racist/Nazi now yet at the same time you suffer from such a complex ;D
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Post by ahliang on Jun 5, 2009 9:24:04 GMT -5
before replying...just thought i d say it s not my intention to drag this and i wasn t trying to flame you or anything but i think i might have been saying what a lot of people may think of you here... Since when does vision have to do with race? There's people who wear spectacles and people who have 20/20 vision in all races. i know that i m not stupid...that wasn t even the point of my post...the point was that i thought it was utterly shallow of you not to date people with 20/20 vision...and in my defense for that case which i in fact genuinely don t care about because that s not where i was going: statistics, be them true or not (even stereotypes...and there s always a kernel of truth in them) show that wearing spectacles is more prevalent in east asians than it is in most other races. i m not saying other races don t wear specs or anything but it s a fact. just like south asians have been linked by scientists to being more likely to develop blindness if they have diabetes than diabetic patients of other races. i wasn t stating an absolute truth but was relying on stats which must hold a kernel of truth. the fact that i pointed out that you criticising her weight gain when she SHOULD gain weight wasn t the best thing to do has nothing to do with how i deal with my love life. in fact you don t know shinola about me while you ve been posting fairly graphic details about your life here; details which i relied on to conclude that criticising a pregnant woman s weight gain isn t the most appropriate thing to do. that s good if she takes the critics well and enjoys the teasing...as a girl, and knowing my girl friends, i know we d probably play along but deep down would not like it and likely feel self conscious...don t be so sure she s not sensitive at all about it...most women are...but whatever floats your boat. what i ve been trying to say here wasn t in order to flame you but this quote illustrates my thoughts perfectly. you claim to do everything for her, that you work 2 jobs 7 days a week, that 80% of your income goes to her etc etc... yet at the same time, all you do here is complain about it...complain about the job, the lack of freedom, the changes in your life, tell others that married life s not what it s cracked up to be, that you re the only one to work and she asks you to do the dishes, laundry, etc when she s at home all day, that you always fill up the fridge and although she won t budge she ll gladly eat up all of the fridge s content before you can get any of it, that you re glad she stuffs herself up so she can keep her mouth shut etc... so in a way, you claim to strive to be making her happy yet you act utterly unhappy as a result and all you do here is complain about your situation. i remember robyn saying something that i really agreed with a while back and i ll try to reiterate although very inarticulately: you may call me a proponent of butterflies out of my arse but you should take your own advice and see that even though there are hardships in coming to terms with your situation, there s plenty of things to enjoy at the same time. it would really suck if all you remembered about your wife s pregnancy was to be feeling miserable, complaining about disappearing food, laundry/dishes she didn t do, her getting chubs, you overworking, her needing to keep her mouth full so she can shut up... hopefully you won t take this too personally to feel the need to diss me back but you ll try to spend more of your free time with her, making her smile and laugh (renting a movie and watching it together shouldn t be too costly nor time consuming) than complaining about her/the situation.
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Post by palaver on Jun 5, 2009 10:12:38 GMT -5
Ne ways ahliang/Palaver Strong genes is not a racial trait, and you have to be really racialist to even think like that. It's rather hypocritical for you to call me a racist/Nazi now yet at the same time you suffer from such a complex ;D Lol... You won't date a girl with glasses and we're the ones with a complex. And what is this about Nazi being into race but not into strong genes? I guess when you build a Chinese junk in a European shipyard some of the screws are bound to come loose.
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Post by Subuatai on Jun 5, 2009 10:24:01 GMT -5
before replying...just thought i d say it s not my intention to drag this and i wasn t trying to flame you or anything but i think i might have been saying what a lot of people may think of you here... Fair enough, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Interesting how you say it isn't your intention to start anything yet you bring my wife and family into this topic in which my post had nothing to do with her I don't rely on statistics, I rely on social observation. Asians represent the majority of the world's population, even though my people are in the minority (Total 9 million worldwide). Majority/Minority can influence both each individual's perception/observation as well as regional statistics. As for my experience, growing up with Australians my whole life I've seen more spectacle-wearing Anglos then Asians. To get this straight, I don't look down on them because they wear spectacles; I just don't tend to date them - that's my original post. Perhaps that's shallow, but coming from a family where everyone has perfect vision, and a marksman myself, it's hard not to be. Of course she's meant to gain weight, doesn't mean I can't take the piss outta her. Working everyday, not eating as much as I used to and no exercise has made me lose weight, and she takes the piss outta me for it as well. Ha! ;D We aren't your typical boyfriend/girlfriend who just went out for a few months, we are husband and wife who have known each other for years thank you very much. If me and my wife just knew each other for only a few months, I would take your comment seriously. Too bad that we have nothing against taking the piss outta each other's flaws even with her complaining about my habit pissing in the garden like a dog. ;D Haha! You want to know something? Everytime I complain, I do it with a smile on my face. Now do you know what that means? I'm taking the piss outta my life. Guess I grew up too much an Aussie who tries not to take myself seriously even though I call myself Mongol. However, I wouldn't say this cultural aspect is a bad thing. Only time I'm complaining seriously is in regards to the recent headaches with my mates over their jokes about my daughter. Heh you want me to post only the positive? Pffft, positive/negative goes hand-in-hand in my situation. I'm excited, scared, off-my-face, and going nuts with joy, yet at the same time I've never worked this hard in my life! But I know it will pay off, hell it pays off everytime I feel my daughter kick whenever I place my hand on my wife. Only one more month to go btw Love isn't all about jumping around with your hands in the air while wearing a massive grin on your face. It's about going through what you have to go through, weather sh-t, complain about sh-t, throw sh-t at each other, yet knowing all the while that you would not have life any other way. Oh don't worry, it's nothing personal, until a negative comment about my family is involved. Believe it or not, taking the piss outta each other helps both of us relieve the stress of recent events. We still have our space as much as we can, we are both independent people. She has her own side of life to live as I have mine. As I said before, we've known each other a very long time now, and before that, we were best mates. Nazi judges by race; giving by birth. I admitted I wouldn't date a girl without perfect vision as it's a trait that runs in my family. As soon as I made my comment, you immediately pinned a racial stereotype on Asian people having glasses, yet you call me the racist? ;D Considering my wife is a product of both European and Chinese, I consider that rather immature and racist. I expected much better from you Palaver, then to insult my wife all of a sudden when your problem is with me. Pretty f--king low mate.
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Post by meep on Jun 5, 2009 10:41:02 GMT -5
before replying...just thought i d say it s not my intention to drag this and i wasn t trying to flame you or anything but i think i might have been saying what a lot of people may think of you here... Since when does vision have to do with race? There's people who wear spectacles and people who have 20/20 vision in all races. i know that i m not stupid...that wasn t even the point of my post...the point was that i thought it was utterly shallow of you not to date people with 20/20 vision...and in my defense for that case which i in fact genuinely don t care about because that s not where i was going: statistics, be them true or not (even stereotypes...and there s always a kernel of truth in them) show that wearing spectacles is more prevalent in east asians than it is in most other races. i m not saying other races don t wear specs or anything but it s a fact. just like south asians have been linked by scientists to being more likely to develop blindness if they have diabetes than diabetic patients of other races. i wasn t stating an absolute truth but was relying on stats which must hold a kernel of truth. the fact that i pointed out that you criticising her weight gain when she SHOULD gain weight wasn t the best thing to do has nothing to do with how i deal with my love life. in fact you don t know shinola about me while you ve been posting fairly graphic details about your life here; details which i relied on to conclude that criticising a pregnant woman s weight gain isn t the most appropriate thing to do. that s good if she takes the critics well and enjoys the teasing...as a girl, and knowing my girl friends, i know we d probably play along but deep down would not like it and likely feel self conscious...don t be so sure she s not sensitive at all about it...most women are...but whatever floats your boat. what i ve been trying to say here wasn t in order to flame you but this quote illustrates my thoughts perfectly. you claim to do everything for her, that you work 2 jobs 7 days a week, that 80% of your income goes to her etc etc... yet at the same time, all you do here is complain about it...complain about the job, the lack of freedom, the changes in your life, tell others that married life s not what it s cracked up to be, that you re the only one to work and she asks you to do the dishes, laundry, etc when she s at home all day, that you always fill up the fridge and although she won t budge she ll gladly eat up all of the fridge s content before you can get any of it, that you re glad she stuffs herself up so she can keep her mouth shut etc... so in a way, you claim to strive to be making her happy yet you act utterly unhappy as a result and all you do here is complain about your situation. i remember robyn saying something that i really agreed with a while back and i ll try to reiterate although very inarticulately: was it this? Yes of course, but my point is that I think your romantic ideals have the potential to distract you from the situation at hand. Not only that, but I think it reduces the significance of this situation in your life and undermines the happiness which could come from it. In short, you could realise that this is a wonderful time for you, but you're stuck with these rigid ideals that form a barrier to this realisation. Sabuatai, I agree with much of what ahliang has said; although I do not know you well, I can only know what you have posted on these forums and much of that revolves around what you describe as a bleak life ahead of you, and your suffering hard times in the present. Do you think that that is counterproductive? Perhaps instead of coming onto the forums to complain about your situation, you could support your wife in ways other than the financial? She is going through a tough time as well.
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Post by Subuatai on Jun 5, 2009 10:49:25 GMT -5
*sigh* If you guys are only concerned about my wife then I guess I'll back down. But if it's something else, like Palaver with his latest racist comment against my wife, I don't think I'll ever stop.
Ne ways Robyn I'm sorry that you have come to that conclusion. Just do me a favor, don't take what I say on the "frigging ranting thread" so seriously. It's just random vents. Only serious vent so far are the topics I've made in regards of ill comments in regards to my wife and daughter by my own mates.
NE ways, back on topic. I don't like fighting for my family over the internet. I can't touch any of you and it's just going to drive this thread into a pointless personal debate. So let's keep it civil.
So my original post:
To avoid future misunderstandings, I'll rephrase to more detail:
Yeah, strong genes is one of my prerequisites, it has nothing to do with race, as strong genes are possessed by individuals in all races. Now this may be very shallow, but I never liked dates without 20/20 vision, as this trait runs in my family and I do not wish to lose it.
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