Post by pandaroo on Jul 9, 2008 7:35:46 GMT -5
Dear EAN readers,
Many of you have Chinese heritage, some of you might be defensive when it comes to others who say negative things about your ethnicity. But please be warned: this is a summary of my personal experiences with a group I have been so patient with and have been excluded from every time I make an attempt to belong with them. Someday I may write a book, or auto-bio, about all of my experiences. If you want to say anything, say it, but if you could offer some suggestions as to how one who is culturally judged and measured by their genes to have at least some cultural and social ties, please let me know (any suggestions would be greatly appreciated). Share your similar experiences if you'd like. I'm sure many of you, being EA, would be able to relate to it.
So here's my story.......
What am I? I am a very mixed-up person. (*pun intended)
Although I've never truly belonged with either ethnic groups of my "composition," (Anglo Chinese) I've felt especially alienated from the Chinese. Anglo Australians often ask me (in their stupid ignorance), "hey, like, what country are you from?" and this makes me feel somewhat non-Australian, and non-Chinese at the same time.... despite the fact that I have an Australian accent and obviously speak English, my father is a 2nd generation white Australian (thus I am a third), I am a citizen of this country, I own a passport with "AUSTRALIAN CITIZEN" punched into it, and I was born and have lived here all my life (for nearly 18 years). Yet in spite of their somewhat disturbing comments and rude questions, I feel there is enormous acceptance in Australians compared to the Chinese. Australians are generally more inclusive as a society, from my experience. However, I also feel that there isn't really a strongly-defined or authentic 'Australian' culture, unlike other cultures in the world. You may disagree, but that's what I believe. Whereas you have something as ancient as the Chinese culture, which is unique and rich in it's own history, tradition, heritage, architecture, customs, beliefs, values, arts, lifestyles and cuisine.... and so on. I feel that I am at such a loss because although I was born from their stock, Chinese people don't perceive me as being 'one of them', and all of this is because of the genetic interference of my other white "half" and ultimately, I miss out on belonging to a culture that has so much to offer.
I feel that ultimately, there is no culture or country to 'call my own'. And I'm not counting EAN or the Eurasians or other mixed folks out there, because there simply isn't a tightly-knit community of us, not to mention we lack a firm cultural definition. (Say what you will, mind you). While part of me feels accepted into Australia (albeit marginalized), the continual questioning and other people's physical assessments make me feel alienated. As I mentioned above, the Chinese are even worse when it comes to exclusion. There is NO place for me in their culture or society. In the past, I joined a Chinese language class where "students of Chinese heritage" could enroll, but even the teacher said, "What are you doing here?!" on the first day. Hey, we were all new! She pointed to me, of course, as I was the only mongrel in the house. Lessons were extremely ethnocentric, and the teacher even dissed white folks (NO kidding!), which made me feel even more uncomfortable, and besides, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Upon introducing myself to the other students in the class, they said, "Um, are you sure you're in the right room?", and one that I'll always remember with utter contempt: "Arabic's that way!".
The language class was elementary, so I only learned some basic words and no complex sentence-structures, at least nothing fit for a decent conversation. That's why I can't speak their jibber-jabber, and 99% of it seems indecipherable. I also resent the fact that my unsympathetic mother never passed down her native tongue onto me, saying, "I've forgotten it all!", which is total bullsh*t, for a person who can (fluently) complain to a waitress over the lack of our red vinegar and argue that she's not doing her job.
Still, I didn't give up there. Learning the language could have potentially been self-taught. So I borrowed stacks and stacks of tapes, books and CD roms from the library time and time again, but it was just useless. Not only did I fail to remember everything clearly, I was disheartened by the prospect of being one of the book's 'target readers' - ie. a Western expat or tourist. Plus, with this method I was on my own, once again, and isolated from the group.
Another time, I even tried joining a Chinese-community Church, and I'm an atheist! When the minister met me, he said, "It's great to have you non-Chinese join this Church and introduce us to your nation's faith!". *vomits* I won't even go into the isolation and loneliness I experienced each Sunday over the course of the following 6 weeks.
Merely my outer, physical appearance marginalizes me. Aren't physical appearances unimportant, anyway? Is it just me, or do ethnic groups have a thing for outer 'looks'?
At least the Chinese do.
Many of you have Chinese heritage, some of you might be defensive when it comes to others who say negative things about your ethnicity. But please be warned: this is a summary of my personal experiences with a group I have been so patient with and have been excluded from every time I make an attempt to belong with them. Someday I may write a book, or auto-bio, about all of my experiences. If you want to say anything, say it, but if you could offer some suggestions as to how one who is culturally judged and measured by their genes to have at least some cultural and social ties, please let me know (any suggestions would be greatly appreciated). Share your similar experiences if you'd like. I'm sure many of you, being EA, would be able to relate to it.
So here's my story.......
What am I? I am a very mixed-up person. (*pun intended)
Although I've never truly belonged with either ethnic groups of my "composition," (Anglo Chinese) I've felt especially alienated from the Chinese. Anglo Australians often ask me (in their stupid ignorance), "hey, like, what country are you from?" and this makes me feel somewhat non-Australian, and non-Chinese at the same time.... despite the fact that I have an Australian accent and obviously speak English, my father is a 2nd generation white Australian (thus I am a third), I am a citizen of this country, I own a passport with "AUSTRALIAN CITIZEN" punched into it, and I was born and have lived here all my life (for nearly 18 years). Yet in spite of their somewhat disturbing comments and rude questions, I feel there is enormous acceptance in Australians compared to the Chinese. Australians are generally more inclusive as a society, from my experience. However, I also feel that there isn't really a strongly-defined or authentic 'Australian' culture, unlike other cultures in the world. You may disagree, but that's what I believe. Whereas you have something as ancient as the Chinese culture, which is unique and rich in it's own history, tradition, heritage, architecture, customs, beliefs, values, arts, lifestyles and cuisine.... and so on. I feel that I am at such a loss because although I was born from their stock, Chinese people don't perceive me as being 'one of them', and all of this is because of the genetic interference of my other white "half" and ultimately, I miss out on belonging to a culture that has so much to offer.
I feel that ultimately, there is no culture or country to 'call my own'. And I'm not counting EAN or the Eurasians or other mixed folks out there, because there simply isn't a tightly-knit community of us, not to mention we lack a firm cultural definition. (Say what you will, mind you). While part of me feels accepted into Australia (albeit marginalized), the continual questioning and other people's physical assessments make me feel alienated. As I mentioned above, the Chinese are even worse when it comes to exclusion. There is NO place for me in their culture or society. In the past, I joined a Chinese language class where "students of Chinese heritage" could enroll, but even the teacher said, "What are you doing here?!" on the first day. Hey, we were all new! She pointed to me, of course, as I was the only mongrel in the house. Lessons were extremely ethnocentric, and the teacher even dissed white folks (NO kidding!), which made me feel even more uncomfortable, and besides, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Upon introducing myself to the other students in the class, they said, "Um, are you sure you're in the right room?", and one that I'll always remember with utter contempt: "Arabic's that way!".
The language class was elementary, so I only learned some basic words and no complex sentence-structures, at least nothing fit for a decent conversation. That's why I can't speak their jibber-jabber, and 99% of it seems indecipherable. I also resent the fact that my unsympathetic mother never passed down her native tongue onto me, saying, "I've forgotten it all!", which is total bullsh*t, for a person who can (fluently) complain to a waitress over the lack of our red vinegar and argue that she's not doing her job.
Still, I didn't give up there. Learning the language could have potentially been self-taught. So I borrowed stacks and stacks of tapes, books and CD roms from the library time and time again, but it was just useless. Not only did I fail to remember everything clearly, I was disheartened by the prospect of being one of the book's 'target readers' - ie. a Western expat or tourist. Plus, with this method I was on my own, once again, and isolated from the group.
Another time, I even tried joining a Chinese-community Church, and I'm an atheist! When the minister met me, he said, "It's great to have you non-Chinese join this Church and introduce us to your nation's faith!". *vomits* I won't even go into the isolation and loneliness I experienced each Sunday over the course of the following 6 weeks.
Merely my outer, physical appearance marginalizes me. Aren't physical appearances unimportant, anyway? Is it just me, or do ethnic groups have a thing for outer 'looks'?
At least the Chinese do.