Good on ya mate At least no more 'what ifs' for ya, it's out of the way. No regrets, you can move on now ;D
I just had a thought: Girls dig passionate guys, and being the 'overbearing guy' shows that you have some passion. Isn't that a slight contradiction?
Heh same thing with the 'romantic sensitive type' or the 'macho dominanting type'. They have one, they'll go for the other, and vice versa, it's very cute ;D
The myth goes "women don't know what they want". To be honest I believe thats true somewhat HOWEVER, if you ride the balance; passionate, yet not overbearing, romantic, yet not weak, sensitive, yet not emo -> that's the trick. Well, it works for me ne way
Though, it takes practice to pull it off, and sometimes you may approach this an entirely wrong way. For example, I used to go romantic, then next day completely indifferent, then macho, arrogant, then completely humble, etc. They get confused, think about you all day (which is... hehe, beneficial in its own way... short term at least)
Unfortunately after a while you can get them going "I'm tired of this f***ing rollercoaster!" (But they still love it ) However that doesn't mean the philosophy is wrong in my opinion, it just means that I was still out of balance. But meh, it's impossible to really explain women by words. You know, a man has one switch, a women have a thousand
7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office.
would a women in time change her view about a guy and be interested in him?
Yes. And I think much of it stems from age/maturity.
Young people I find are just incredibly superficial. By superficial I'm referring to physical and emotional superficiality. Physical superficiality is obvious e.g., good looks or 'a certain look' (which fade rapidly). Emotional/Intellectual superficialities relate to things like wit, charisma, social skills, status, wealth or even common interest.... or other qualities that can be discerned very quickly (which obfuscate more important qualities I describe below). I know alot of incredibly smart people who are extremely emotionally superficial.
Why do people change their views?
You literally need to f*ck (or get f*cked up) by 3 or 4 "superficially attractive" people to realize a couple things:
- A$$holic license: Superficially attractive people attract alot of admirers and conditioned to this, tend to develop certain negative qualities (e.g., infidelity, insincerity) simply because they have options and/or can get away with it. These qualities are not easily undone and cannot sustain a LT relationship.
- Inherently attractive people (their antithesis) tend to be ignored and overlooked. Some will get lucky and find their match, some will lose esteem, their standards and their ideal match, and others will simply wait.
So there's a fundamental mis-match going on (ie. the right people aren't necessarily getting together)... and the game of relationship musical chairs (or just downtright perseverance) continues through most of the 20s. After getting f*cked around long enough, many people (hopefully your friend) realize that what matters most is the size of one's heart..... and everything that it entails (trust, respect, loyalty, selflessness etc),.. the stuff you can build a long-term relationship off of.
So yes, I think smart, seemingly rational people can change their minds dramatically on this subject.... and this is only one possible explanation. There are a bunch more.
SNIDE ADDENDUM: Have a peruse through the "post your pics of yourself thread'. EAN is populated by alot of early 20-somethings and you'll find we ourselves treat "hot" people quite a bit different than those who aren't.... a generalization of course.
I have to disagree with the mentality of 'hot devils' vs 'average angels'. In fact, I don't really like the whole 'superficiality' thing either. Nonetheless I do agree that many qualities do tend to be overlooked but this is a good thing; otherwise the best of the best in the hunting grounds would all be snatched up too fast too quick and unless you are really lucky of catching them first - you have no chance.
No offense to how asterix handled this situation either but if a woman out of nowhere did something to turn me off then sent me a random SMS expressing herself I wouldn't even give her the time of day nor would most people here I'm assuming (be honest here).
As for superficiality:
Good looks or 'a certain look' (which fade rapidly)... Yes they fade rapidly but they are still important, there has to be an element of sexual desire in a relationship, and it's only natural that a man prefers a woman with a nice physique rather then an overweight one for example.
If one does not find a person attractive and rejects him/her is he or she to be labeled superficial? Or a snob? Are we to accept everyone and never reject them? =/
As for wit, charisma, social skills, status, these are naturally desirable traits not just in relationships but in social life. Hence these are essential skills and not possessing such skills will be a disadvantage in life however this can be taught, learnt, and practiced through experience.
As for wealth, financial stability should be rightfully desired by women for men, a man has to look after his own first before he is even capable of taking care of others. Yes there is also the factor of materialism as well which in that case I can agree with you.
However, to be honest I may be misintepretating your post. I have been in a few 'love out of pity' relationships and they just don't work. In fact, it's not just a waste of time, but it's heartbreaking for them.