|
|
Post by Miyuki on Feb 24, 2009 23:03:56 GMT -5
I agree, language is so important. You can't expect fluency, but a little goes a long way with feeling connected to your Asian culture. Good for you for taking the time to look into this!
|
|
|
|
Post by Phil on Feb 25, 2009 16:00:14 GMT -5
Wow this is a great thread! Happymom its so great to have you here! You can see how its brought the best out in us !  We are so happy to share with you! I only wish the new parents I know of a EA girl were as interested and open as you. With you are our community grows in diversity and sincerity. As much as most of our parents couldnt feel what its like to be EA, many of us dont know how it is to be a parent of a mixed kid and not be mixed. So if our parents gave it a good shot to raise us right we should all give them lots of love. I held some resentment towards my parents for not exposing me to Mauritian and chinese culture more. I know its difficult seeing as Mauritius is a tiny island so far away from canada but the effort would have been enough. My dad simply deemed it unimportant for us to know to speak Kreyol or know about cultural things. It made me feel somewhat of an outsider at big familly jams. It was a sad feeling. If you can take your child to the source! Take her to your homeland. I feel its equally valuble as the language. She will understand you so much more. I always thought my dad and his family was so weird, untill I went to mauritius. Then it made so much sense! Everyone haggles, talks loudly with their hands there and chats with every tourist that comes within earshot. But untill I experienced it for myself I was so embarrassed when my dad would act this way. |
|
|
|
Post by jefe on Feb 25, 2009 22:33:26 GMT -5
A lot more sharing on places like this forum could be a very positive thing for everyone!
Parents of EA often are clueless about what an EA child might experience (but at least some of them have the courage to enquire), but by the same token, EAs may not understand completely what parents of EA might be going through either. And each family's story is different.
For example, say the parents of a mother gave her up as a child to another family to raise her, but who also abused her. As a young adult, she meets a "foreigner" who can take her from her misery. Maybe she does not share many things with her future child (ie, EA child) not because she is afraid of confusing him / her, but because she associates it with topics that she does not want to think about -- one that she wanted to write off into the past. The father of an EA may feel that his parents suffered undue mistreatment from the world, due, say, to their limited facility in the local language, and does not want his EA child to have to deal with this.
**> It may be comforting to the parent for them to think that they are protecting their child from such miserable circumstances, but those would be the PARENTS' experiences, not the child's. The biggest gift that a parent can give to their child, in my opinion, is a window to their past.
Still, I hope that we can agree to a couple things
* Parents, please do not fear that you will confuse your children by exposing them to more things. By all means, expose them to all and everything -- as much as possible, including the good, the bad and the ugly, and let them make the decisions themselves which they prefer to adopt and which to discard. If you fail to do this, you may make the child even more confused or alienated, or possibly worse, cause them to harbor some level of resentment towards their parents for shielding them from their background.
- Parents of EA -- if you are not EA, recognize that the EA child will experience some situations which neither parent has any idea about how to relate to, not to mention advise their children. But please, do not simply dismiss them as inconsequential. Use them as opportunities to expand your own awareness.
- Finally, as EA children of non-EA parents -- our parents may not have received EA parent training before we were born. It can help us strengthen the relationship with our families to understand what our parents went through also. Yes, parents should share with their children, but children need to appreciate what parents share with them.
It was after my mother died that I realized to the fullest extent what she went through. She desperately wanted to escape the strict, restrictive environment of her small town Alabama upbringing, leaving home at age 18, only to face the greatest challenge of her life -- having a mixed race baby during the segregation / anti-miscegenation era with a husband who became increasingly violent with her. Unfortunately, her parents did not offer her much sympathy and indeed completely rejected her from bringing her problem to their Alabama town -- the town which witnessed the most violent protest against freedom riders trying to integrate the busses in the year I was born. It wasn't until I was in my late 20s when my parents finally divorced, but in hindsight, I thank heaven and earth that she did not raise me in Alabama -- what she did was the right decision.
|
|
mama
New Member
Posts: 6
|
Post by mama on Feb 26, 2009 13:50:22 GMT -5
jefe, for your sake I'm glad your mom left Alabama as well. I don't know you but I'm glad you got out! Anyway, there's an interesting book about raising bi-racial children called "Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?" (Nakazawa) It was written by a white woman raising two half-Japanese children and so a lot of the anecdotes she provides deal with half-asian children. She brings up some good points...like how to help your children deal with questions such as "What ARE you?" It's worth checking out and seeing what she has to to say. One point that she brings up in the book is that people aren't colorblind. As much as we'd like to believe that physical features don't matter...they do, and people take notice of them. I know from personal experience that the toughest part of being EA was dealing with comments about my physical features...be it in a teasing way or an exoticized one. I really felt like people put me on the spot because of how I looked and I found that extremely awkward (not to mention damaging to my self-esteem when I was a teenager) While it's important that you should teach your daughter about your customs, you also need to teach her to be confident in her appearance. My own parents weren't prepared for me getting teased about having "chinky" eyes or any of the other racist comments that ignorant people make towrds asians, and so I always felt self-concious about my appearance. You really need to make her feel comfortable in her skin, inside and out. Oh, and listen to her. If she gets teased or gets any "wierd" comments about her mixed heritage, please be there to listen to her. Even if you don;t know how to answer any of her questions, just listening to her and not brushing her concerns aside is important...but since you're already on this site looking for info and advice, I think you're going to do just fine with her |
|
cm
Junior Member
Posts: 68 
|
Post by cm on Mar 1, 2009 14:19:18 GMT -5
Whatever you do, don't raise kids with any Asian mix, let alone full Asian kids in all white areas. That's the worst thing you can do for your child.
|
|
|
|
Post by jefe on Mar 2, 2009 8:34:53 GMT -5
Is that worse than raising a Eurasian in an all Asian area or a mixed black / white area (like I was)? How do you think a Eurasian would be treated in a 100% Asian school?
|
|
|
|
Post by amalgam on Mar 2, 2009 9:05:40 GMT -5
As a god.
No I was kidding, being raised as a Eurasian kid in a mixed environment/community (multicultural) was probably what taught me to be proud of my Eurasianness and opened my eyes to the fact that we are all human.
|
|
|
|
Post by catgirl on Mar 2, 2009 14:33:53 GMT -5
Whatever you do, don't raise kids with any Asian mix, let alone full Asian kids in all white areas. That's the worst thing you can do for your child. Ehm, why not? Is there a problem with this? What if you have no choice?  |
|
|
|
Post by nemesisgalofdoom on Mar 2, 2009 19:02:58 GMT -5
Is that worse than raising a Eurasian in an all Asian area or a mixed black / white area (like I was)? How do you think a Eurasian would be treated in a 100% Asian school? MUCH worse than the treatments as EA in Germany  In Japan, ur always a Gaijin ( 外人= outside mankind ........or just foreigner) no matter how perfect u understand and speak their language and how Asian u look (or think to look ;D ) I'm speaking from my experience. Hehe, there was a time that I really HATED Japanese for this  ;D  |
|
|
|
Post by Miyuki on Mar 3, 2009 7:02:38 GMT -5
Whatever you do, don't raise kids with any Asian mix, let alone full Asian kids in all white areas. That's the worst thing you can do for your child. I don't think that's the worst thing you can do for your child...but you do have a point. It's ideal to be raised in a multicultural environment. Diversity is good. However, I know many full Asian people who were raised in small towns where they were from the only Chinese family and they turned out great. I think with the right tools you can raise some pretty well balanced confident kids regardless of what kinds of people they're surrounded by. |
|
|
|
Post by Emily on Mar 3, 2009 7:40:58 GMT -5
Whatever you do, don't raise kids with any Asian mix, let alone full Asian kids in all white areas. That's the worst thing you can do for your child. Ehm, why not? Is there a problem with this? What if you have no choice? I think some EAs deal better with the reality of growing in an all white community better than others and you're obviously one of them. I can't speak from experience since I grew up in a multicultural place. Having said that, I acknowledge that it can cause some hardships if you're always the sore thumb out. But as Catgirl (and I'm sure many other EANers who grew up in areas lacking cultural diversity) proves, nothing that should cause an EA kid to be forever resentful of growing up in an all-white community and to have hang-ups about it. Work on highlighting your daughter's rich multicultural background and making her feel proud of it. In the end, it comes down to how you portray this multicultural angle and how your child deals with it. Don't let her wallow in self-pity and blame the white man for any hang-ups she might have. |
|
cm
Junior Member
Posts: 68
|
Post by cm on Mar 3, 2009 10:26:27 GMT -5
Whatever you do, don't raise kids with any Asian mix, let alone full Asian kids in all white areas. That's the worst thing you can do for your child. I don't think that's the worst thing you can do for your child...but you do have a point. It's ideal to be raised in a multicultural environment. Diversity is good. However, I know many full Asian people who were raised in small towns where they were from the only Chinese family and they turned out great. I think with the right tools you can raise some pretty well balanced confident kids regardless of what kinds of people they're surrounded by. Firstly, even White kids are best raised in multi-cultural neighborhoods. Secondly, who wants to be know as 'Asian Johnny!' at their school as they are growing up? Being a minority in a white neighborhood will make you stick out for that...being a minority. I've grown up in mostly Mexican and White schools and got that tag stuck on me, as well as 'wtf are you?' every other day. Now that I'm in a University with 40% Asians I feel completely at home. You're judged for being you, and not for your race. It's the best feeling in the world. Asian/mixed asian kids raised in white areas tend to be the most self-conscious self-hating types. Sure, you can point to case studies that disprove this generalization, but for the most part it is true. It's better to raise your kid in a white school, than a ghetto school. At the same time,if you can, raise them in a multicultural area where they can experience both of their cultures. |
|
cm
Junior Member
Posts: 68
|
Post by cm on Mar 3, 2009 10:28:11 GMT -5
Ehm, why not? Is there a problem with this? What if you have no choice? I'd rather eat bread than starve if I had no choice. Does that mean that if I have a choice, eating a bread only diet is most enriching for me? |
|
|
|
Post by jefe on Mar 3, 2009 13:00:52 GMT -5
^ then you contradicted yourself.
Raising an EA in a white neighborhood is "worst thing you can do for your child" -- worst than what? raising it in the first place?
The analogous statement would be that eating bread is the worst that you can do if you are hungry. The choice IS to starve instead of eating. There is still a choice.
Still, I don't understand your meaning really. Suppose that the area was 30% White (various ethnic groups), 30% Black (various ethnic groups), 30% Latino (various national origins, racial backgrounds and degree of assimilation), 10% middle Eastern or Native American -- A very diverse group of people, but the EA kid could still be labelled the *oriental* one in the class.
And is being raised in a 100% white neighborhood that much worse than a 100% Asian neighborhood (where they call u the *white* guy)? How about a neighborhood that is mostly black with a small Latino minority?
|
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Mar 3, 2009 16:35:25 GMT -5
Well this is something that has captured my attention in recent times, my gf isn't too far along yet to know whether our child will be a boy or girl. However such thoughts in regards to raising our child have obviously entered our conversations and debates. I'm in the same boat I guess.
Both me and my partner being mixed have had uneasy childhoods in Australia compared to others. We both were raised in environments with monoracial majorities, with different psychological results sure, but due to our experiences we are both committed not to allow history to repeat itself. Racialist culture won't ever change, let alone change in our lifetime.
Being born and raised in Australia, we're both citizens but unfortunately we do not possess universities degrees which could secure a future overseas at the moment. So it seems our child will be born in Australia as well. So the question is "What to do?" Fact remains that E.A.s arent common enough to form a 100% EA neighborhood to raise our kids.
Between me and her, my girlfriend is the most "typical" Eurasian being 1/2, me being 1/4, however, her features were predominantly caucasian. With western 'halfbreed' 'inbred' 'unnatural' 'not normal' racialism on one hand and chinese 'you don't look asian' mentality on the other... well let's just say it sure wasn't easy for her.
Parents aren't going to be the only influence in their children's life but the very environment will shape them accordingly. There are EAs in traditional Eurasia who encounter none of these problems that we seem to be forced to face in modernised countries, hence...
1) The first idea was to migrate -> but we don't have stable passive income as of yet nor degrees to secure foreign occupations.
2) Second idea was to raise our children in a closed environment such as church, but I could not agree with that idea.
3) Third idea (which is rather stupid more of a joke) was homeschooling... pfft.
4) Fourth and final idea was... to give up on ideas since we're out of them.
So in the end we decided to focus on what we can do in this circumstance.
- Stick together and provide a healthy home
- Don't spoil our children, guide them
- Educate them on their heritage and people
- All the other usual parental guidelines
Thus doing what we can while hoping for the best. Unless someone else has another idea...
|
|
We are so happy to share with you! I only wish the new parents I know of a EA girl were as interested and open as you. With you are our community grows in diversity and sincerity.
;D 
