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Post by admin on Mar 12, 2009 10:29:32 GMT -5
No wonder she got pregnant. How Effective Is Withdrawal?
Effectiveness is an important and common concern when choosing a birth control method.
* Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly.
* Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 27 will become pregnant each year if they don't always do it correctly.www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method-4218.htm
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Post by LaFace on Mar 12, 2009 12:13:06 GMT -5
^It's a relatively poor method of contraception, given the latter point is far more reflective of reality than the former.
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Post by betahat on Mar 12, 2009 13:30:50 GMT -5
"it effects the guy in no way except on some vague ideological level of not liking pieces of paper. lol, who gives a sh*t. "
My sentiments exactly. I never really understood why some guys in very long term relationships, where the girl is begging to get married, just keep saying no. Just because your parents got divorced? It wouldn't have been any better if you were born out of wedlock buddy...
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Post by ahliang on Mar 12, 2009 13:46:25 GMT -5
Actually the guy isn't really sure whether she went off the pill on purpose or not. *** The girl did explain to him that the pill was affecting her health *** yes she did inform her boyfriend of her decision. *** after that, he started wearing condoms, and if not, he pulled out... ***she still got pregnant. So the guy isn't really sure who to blame for all this. However, he's still a tad suspicious *** he does not have any sufficient evidence to back up the claim of 'she did it on purpose'. is that your story or is it a friend s ? in any case, if both knew she went off the pill and seeked other ways of "contraception" how can he even be suspicious of her? i think the guy is just trying to find excuses telling himself "she went off the pill! her fault!" (but both of them knew and tried? how is that HER fault?) or trying to make it sound like she was faking the pill-health concerns (for the info, Ty is right...) when the guy knew? if he knew and tried other methods how on earth is it her fault? how could she have planned this? why is he even suspicious in the first place? yes if she was pushing for commitment it does help her case but if he knew she went off the pill, if she told him and tried other contraception methods why is she even being suspected? this genuinely baffles me. i feel bad for the girl having fallen for someone like him. if that s your story, sorry buddy but stop trying to find excuses and take responsibility for your actions. you knew, you tried. stop the blaming and see how much the girl has sacrificed for you. if that s not you then sorry, but tell your bud that. the guy is seriously trying to find excuses. anyone would be stressed. i m sure she is too. especially given the fact that she s already given up so much yet he hasn t made any compromises. he loves her? he just wasn t sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her? if that truly is the case, i feel that this person is ready for parenthood. maybe not marriage but being a parent does not seem to be a problem to him. if so, how would he see his family and how would he wish to raise that child? would he wish to bring up this kid in a separated household? i m guessing not...so in any case, he would envision the future to be with this girl, sharing responsibility for the kid correct? why is marriage such an issue then? it s just a piece of paper saying "we re family". is that not what he was agreeing to in the first place when he was saying he wishes to be there for the kid and the mother? edit: had written than instead of then. oh the horror!!!!!
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Mar 12, 2009 15:11:37 GMT -5
This "guy" is a real winner. for once i agree with Strive,in addition to the other posters on this page. there just aren't words for this kind of immaturity.this 'guy' needs to act like he's got a pair and man up.
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Post by Miyuki on Mar 12, 2009 23:24:55 GMT -5
This "guy" is a real winner. Here's a summary: 1.) Dated a girl for 2-3 years, pretty good overall, she's got a good body 2.) Banged other girls in between, but they didn't have as nice of a body 3.) Impregnated this girl, surprised, I didn't even wear a condom. How did this happen to me? 4.) I don't want to take care of baby and still want to play around 5.) Girl sacrificed career, etc for the relationship Oh, woe is me. What should "I" do? How about this, why don't you ask "If I had a daughter, what would I want her boyfriend to do?" She sounds too good for him. Maybe that's why they shouldn't get married. She can do better!
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Post by stony on Mar 12, 2009 23:56:34 GMT -5
No wonder she got pregnant. How Effective Is Withdrawal?
Effectiveness is an important and common concern when choosing a birth control method.
* Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly.
* Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 27 will become pregnant each year if they don't always do it correctly.www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method-4218.htmThanks for the stats Admin. 27%?! Shiet, I wouldn't gamble those odds on a roulette table let alone something so life changing. You can pretty much guess that most guys withdraw incorrectly (and there's no way to measure it accurately anyway), so in that case they've roughly got a 1 in 3 chance of getting a girl pregnant. Screw that, too risky!
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Post by stony on Mar 12, 2009 23:57:32 GMT -5
^ Added: The next time you're thinking of having unprotected sex, just go ahead and punch yourself in the nuts!
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Post by betahat on Mar 13, 2009 1:16:14 GMT -5
I hear that if you close your eyes and think of Lady Thatcher you can decrease that from 27% to 26.9%.
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Post by Subuatai on Mar 13, 2009 6:34:40 GMT -5
Heh thanks for the replies fellas, though I think all of a sudden the guy is being misunderstood.
As for the bloke; he's definitely NOT running away from taking care of his own child. I'm not sure how people got that impression. He's quite shocked people would think so low of him as to abandon his own flesh and blood. Neither he nor his girlfriend wishes to abort, give away, or whatever - both of them are going to raise the child, end of story.
And as for his girlfriend, he does love her very much, and deep inside he knows that she's the best thing to have ever happened to him. He's still suspicious however, as there was a "scare" years past where his girlfriend thought she was pregnant but she wasn't. The main issue is not the relationship, in the end it's the marriage.
Just because he does not wish to get married; does not mean he doesn't wish to remain committed to his girlfriend and his unborn baby. The guy has already made plans to move in with his girlfriend so that together they can take care of the child. There is no second thoughts on that decision, he made it quickly on the very first moment he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. What hurts him the most is that the pregnancy came so early.
He wished to establish a high income first before raising a child (at current he's still working 2 jobs and studying), and to be completely certain he himself is ready for parenthood. Due to his past, he deeply wishes to provide his child a childhood that he himself has missed out on.
The bloke's past experiences in his family was really rocky, and due to this; 1) He despises parents who neglect their children, so there's no way he's going to abandon his child. He wants the very best for him or her. 2) He is paranoid about marriage. He does not wish history to repeat itself (in his family), and as a result he doesn't believe 3 years is long enough to gauge whether he can live together with a person for the rest of his life.
Now the relationship between him and his girlfriend is quite stable, he just doesn't want to get married so soon. As the relationship progressed he knew the subject of marriage would come up, and was hoping to deal with it much later -> at least after the relationship reached 7 years (that's how long his parents were married).
But... guess things didn't work out according to plan. He can admit that there is no one else he would rather spend the rest of his life with, but that alone is not enough to convince him to tie the knot so soon. Years down the track he could be wrong. The relationship is VERY stable now without paper, so in a way, maybe he fears 'change'.
If years down the track he looks into the eyes of his own son or daughter, and see the look in their eyes of how he himself was when his own parents were divorced; then he'll go bonkers. He does not wish the parental "poisoning the child against each other" sh*t going on, nor the "seeing dad, seeing mom, missing one when living with the other" sh*t either.
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EDIT: Marriage to this bloke is not the way to go according to him. He has seen couples who were great prior to marriage, then after the wedlock, start hating each other.
He believes it's due to the fact that during relationships, either parties can go free at any time, and each party has to put in effort, passion and intimacy to stay together. In marriage, pffft, you get married and most people slack off.
In marriage, there's no way to break up easily, you have to go through a load of s***. You don't have the privilege of space either then what? "Seperation". Back of your mind you'll start thinking "I'm f***ing stuck with him/her" after a fight, where as in a normal relationship, you can leave anytime.
But hey, maybe perhaps it's too late for him to continue his relationship this way - the child is going to make it difficult for either couple to leave anyway... so perhaps he should stop thinking so much and just get on with the proposal...
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Mar 13, 2009 8:50:22 GMT -5
^word to yo (baby)mama.
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Post by Subuatai on Mar 13, 2009 8:53:39 GMT -5
Aye, I guess he's been selfish. Always about him, his fears, his worries, his views. How about the views of his girlfriend, and more importantly, their own child? Aye, well, I guess even with problems up ahead which may happen, it's up to him to solve them, not make up excuses to avoid them.
As for his girlfriend who should have got a ring yesterday, it's quite futile to argue that I guess. Heh the guy once tried to shove her off because she was just too good for him, "you deserve someone better" he said. Heh she replied, "I deserve someone I love".
Maybe the couple isn't ready yet, but nor were we as children ready to walk during the very first moment we tried. Aye, think it's time for that bloke to stop making excuses, stop being selfish, and most importantly, to show support for the mother of his child. I guess, proposing to her would give her a great sense of peace especially during maternity. Think it's time...
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jak
Junior Member
Posts: 161
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Post by jak on Mar 13, 2009 9:50:23 GMT -5
^Good luck.
One thing - I know marriage is supposed to be based on truths but I would suggest quietly to this guy not to let his girlfriend in on any of the feelings and concerns discussed in this thread.
There's no reason to let her know of how you doubted proposing to her, and for what reasons, personal or otherwise. It's a major turn-off.
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Post by Subuatai on Mar 13, 2009 10:31:46 GMT -5
Haha, that'll be the WORST proposal ever ;D
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Post by Groink on Mar 13, 2009 11:19:56 GMT -5
What's with writing in the third person? It feels like you are trying to disassociate yourself from the situation, which is kind of unsettling. Or I'm totally off-base and you are actually talking about someone else.
Anyway, you've been given ass-tons of advice. Whatever you do, have a good plan and commit yourself to it.
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