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Post by Subuatai on Mar 29, 2009 9:57:30 GMT -5
I'm just curious, does old fashion soap opera really apply in today's modern age?
I'm talking poetry, flowers, singing to your loved one, expressing all that soapy "butterflies out of ass" stuff. Or even out of the blue show-up-outta-nowhere kinda stuff, heh e.g.:
Last time I tried was when I was 16, heh and she thought I was a wuss. Since then, haven't tried it since, always tried to be the 'tough guy' in a relationship. Always been somewhat 'shallow' in terms of lovey dovey stuff since. Sometimes it slips but rarely. So what you think? Does it really work?
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thea
Full Member
Posts: 334
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Post by thea on Mar 29, 2009 10:47:31 GMT -5
Romance is still a part of the courtship ritual. My dad courted my mom back in 1947, he did sing a bit, they walked along the seashore promenade in Manila, Philippines. I don't know what else. My husband courted me we went for long walks through the park, we tried each others hobbies- I took golf for a semester, he took ballroom dancing. He brought me flowers for certain occasions such as Valentines Day. He remembers all birthdays, anniversaries and hoilidays in some way. In some cultures romance/courtship rituals function as a means to gain approval from the woman ( it usually is the man who pursues or courts a woman) and her family. My husband and my mom get on well together because both of them have similar traits to each other, but also during the time he was courting me and I lived at home he never came empty handed when he was invited to dinner, he'd bring dessert or fruit for my mom. He helped out my mom when she needed help with heavy lifting, he still does. Yes, romance has its place in modern society. I'm sort of old fashioned in that respect.
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Post by halfbreed on Mar 29, 2009 11:37:33 GMT -5
I don't think girls will ever stop loving it, but it seems like the majority of guys aren't stepping up. Things like opening doors for girls, letting them go first, etc. seems to be... non-existent nowadays.
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Post by Subuatai on Mar 29, 2009 11:57:14 GMT -5
Thanks for the replies theaTo be honest I seem to almost believe (or it could be a fact) that 1947 is indeed an era when romance was still widely accepted in society, and men who are romantic were not considered "wuss" or "p---ywhipped", etc. Growing up in modern society it seems majority of women find it very difficult to accept such displays, of course the exceptions exist, but these exceptions tend to be rather, clingy ones. Hence this is a summarisation of my experiences in the past: Walk in the beach? She'd rather a disco. Flowers? She'd rather you buy her new clothes. Singing? Oh no your voice isn't good enough! Calling up to say "I.L.U"? Uhuh... Heh, as a result it seems I have been conditioned not to do such things ever again. But noticing the lack of romance in my rather 'routine' relationship at the moment, I just thought, hey, this is the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, wonder if it's time I loosened up a bit with my feelings. Heh btw this sure is very considerate: But I'm not so sure I would classify that as "I'm talking poetry, flowers, singing to your loved one, expressing all that soapy "butterflies out of ass" stuff. Or even out of the blue show-up-outta-nowhere kinda stuff" kinda romance halfbreedYou make it seem like I'm living in another world
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Post by votingblogger on Mar 29, 2009 13:27:05 GMT -5
Old fashion romance isn't necessary now-a-days when courting a gal. The main thing to have in a relationship are chemistry and attraction. Flowers would make a guy look desparate. Singing is kinda out there now. Unless you're damn good, I would think that's a bad idea. Plus all that stuff takes time and money. It's socially acceptable to date a number of people at one time and unless you feel like putting all your eggs in one basket, that could be a waste.
I think the old style romance is good for people in a relationship cause that stuff will have long term gains that you can see and realize. Just remember, when dating there are no refunds.
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Post by Nikki on Mar 29, 2009 15:59:01 GMT -5
One of my guy friends recently was telling me about a friend of his and how he's incredibly disappointed with him because he has turned to this: www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738 -- THE GAME-- to pick up women. I must have missed it when it first came out - there's a NY Times article about it from 2004 -- www.nytimes.com/2004/01/25/style/he-aims-he-shoots-yes.html?sec=&spon=&scp=7&sq=neil%20strauss&st=cse&pagewanted=1Romance seemingly is dead. Guys are turning to books to learn how to insult women (heh, at least they're reading I guess ), give them backhanded compliments and then fianagle themselves into a relationship with them. Nothing is genuine. It's just from some silly tactics book on how to nail chicks. V depressing. Apparently it's ALL the rage and all the guys know about it (?). My friend advised me to skim it just so that I had an idea of what to avoid... heh.
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Post by ahliang on Mar 29, 2009 16:25:21 GMT -5
since you got your inspiration from old fashion soap operas, i m thinking the romance you re talking about isn t just about reciting poetry... do you watch asian dramas? taiwanese, korean, japanese dramas? trust me, the mush still works...don t overdo it (ie: leave out the poetry part and the bit where you kneel with a rose clenched between your teeth and get all lyrical) but a bridge that suddenly lights up when the girl steps on it, the boy waiting for her with a cake, the "i love you" hoarding, the surprise trip to singapore/HK/jeju-do (<-that one in korean dramas especially), the guy playing on the piano while the girl sits by his side and attempts a few notes, any kind of surprises etc...seriously, i know that would work for me...and i m assuming it would too for most girls!
or at least any girl who watches these dramas... i know these dramas are stupid and far from reality...i sometimes find myself wondering why i like them so much when i know a lot of the plots are incoherent and i imagine myself to be one of those old asian grandmas or mums getting excessively obsessed over them as they re peeling carrots/ veggies while watching dramas but i just can t help it...it s too darn romantic and i wish some of the guys did that... nothing wrong with dreaming...since my friends watch them too, at least i don t feel as stupid as i should when i do...
but yes, romance still works...i have a limit to romance and it s hard to define it (sometimes it makes me roll my eyes-poetry-other times it makes my heart melt) but as a whole, nothing wrong with romance. still works i d say.
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Post by Miyuki on Mar 29, 2009 17:17:54 GMT -5
This kind of stuff backfires badly. Most women I know are creeped out by the whole rose-petals, poetry and candles thing. That stuff should be reserved for long term relationships, and on anniversaries only. I feel so bad for my sensitive, romantic male friends. They can't get anywhere with the ladies!
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Post by dave on Mar 29, 2009 18:29:41 GMT -5
meh I don't like being too mushy but if I feel in the mood to do something nice/sweet I'll do it and not let some unwritten rule that it's not manly stop me.
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Mar 29, 2009 20:28:19 GMT -5
being a man is not synonymous with being a punk. heh,could you spread the word around and save us girls some trouble? This kind of stuff backfires badly. Most women I know are creeped out by the whole rose-petals, poetry and candles thing. That stuff should be reserved for long term relationships, and on anniversaries only. I feel so bad for my sensitive, romantic male friends. They can't get anywhere with the ladies! creeped out?really?even when the guy doesn't go overboard?and only in long term relationships on anniversaries? what a bummer. it seems like we've all got pretty disparate views on romance.
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Post by ahliang on Mar 29, 2009 21:31:03 GMT -5
^ hahaha juniper ! i think i understand what miyuki s talking about though...i would agree that the whole lyrical/poetry/serenades a la shakespeare can be overly mushy and that s when it makes me roll my eyes...or be creeped out but that s exactly it! it s hard to draw the line! i find it EXTREMELY sweet and romantic when the action is romantic but not in the cliche/old fashion way you read in literature but when it s given a more modern twist to it i guess. using a hoarding, lighting up a bridge, or just buying a dress and getting her ice cream from a street vendor instead of going for jewellery, red roses or chocolates! i can t even express in words what i m trying to say! jonathan would get it i think, he was big on asian dramas men don t get it!!!!!! oh! the! drama!
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Post by Miyuki on Mar 29, 2009 21:52:09 GMT -5
being a man is not synonymous with being a punk. heh,could you spread the word around and save us girls some trouble? This kind of stuff backfires badly. Most women I know are creeped out by the whole rose-petals, poetry and candles thing. That stuff should be reserved for long term relationships, and on anniversaries only. I feel so bad for my sensitive, romantic male friends. They can't get anywhere with the ladies! creeped out?really?even when the guy doesn't go overboard?and only in long term relationships on anniversaries? what a bummer. it seems like we've all got pretty disparate views on romance. Yes, anything like that during the beginning stages of a relationship had the opposite effect for me. It came across as desperate, or trying too hard; putting check marks next to the list of what you're "supposed" to do. I've always preferred more genuine, unpredictable acts of appreciation. Maybe I'm weird.
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Post by helles on Mar 29, 2009 22:03:11 GMT -5
I like romance, nothing over the top or too cheesy though.
a nice dinner - either out or homecooked, massages, suprise flowers, a just-cos teddy etc.
gah, i miss it.
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Mar 29, 2009 23:32:24 GMT -5
Yes, anything like that during the beginning stages of a relationship had the opposite effect for me. It came across as desperate, or trying too hard; putting check marks next to the list of what you're "supposed" to do. I've always preferred more genuine, unpredictable acts of appreciation. Maybe I'm weird. heh,you're not weird,i just think we're diametrically opposed,though we have a lot of similarities in terms of defining romance. genuine,heartfelt,non-cookie cutter acts of romance early on make me sink like a stone.someone serenaded me once within the first year and i actually teared up. as the relationship goes on,however...well,i just think it's bad if the romance wasn't there early on to try and bring it in later.that,to me,is when it seems trite and stale and ingenuine,especially if it's confined to anniversaries. what it comes down to,for me i guess,is that if it's heartfelt and original,i'm an absolute sucker for being romanced. ahliang,i think my new hobby is going to be geting dolled up and wandering around looking for light-up bridges,man or no man.
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Post by ChickenSoda on Mar 30, 2009 1:11:17 GMT -5
You often hear older women talk about how "persistent" their husbands were. People's attitudes, both men and women, have changed- the "hopeless romantics" of yesterday are the "creepy stalkers" of today. This has kind of morphed relationships into a war of indifference.
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