Post by thea on Apr 3, 2009 0:53:46 GMT -5
From Wikipedia
Ok, this past week I've had to ride the bus, instead of drive the car since my husband has been using the car driving to his new job which starts at 5:30 am on the other side of the city.
I've been used to driving my 3 kids within my insulated car environment for quite some time. Well, now I have to wake up earlier to walk my son to school and then catch the bus to bring my daughter to the sitter.
So here's my experience the other day I brought my 5 year old son with me to pick up his 2 1/2 year old sister. On our way home we catch the bus and sit on the side facing senior seats. My son picks his little sister up and places her on his lap. The middle aged white guy across from us I noticed kept eyeballing us back and forth.
Just today waiting at the Haight and Cole bus stop with my daughter again there is that moment, that pregnant pause, the moment of cognitive dissonance from strangers.
My daughter was about 8 feet away from me sort of singing and dancing around. I was keeping an eye on her, while waiting for the bus and also carrying my infant son in his Bjorn. So some people 2 girls and a guy walk by along Haight Street. One of the girls sees my daughter, gets concerned thinking she's alone. She says something to the younger guy, then she calls out to me, "Is she with you?" I reply, "Well, of course." They then continue on their way. I'm not sure whether she/they thought I was the mom or the nanny.
When I am out with the kids and my husband then everything seems to add up in strangers perceptions. When I am alone and out with my kids I get those odd discombobulating moments.
See my eldest son has dark brown hair and looks Eurasian, my daughter due to her fair coloring and her sandy brown hair with blond highlights tends to throw some people off. The thing is she looks basically like me as a child, including the haircut and texture its just her coloring takes after my husband and my mother. Her eyes are brown but they don't have an epicanthic fold, I didn't either. When that guy was eyeing us I got a bit anxious, I wondered if he thought my kids were from 2 different guys.
Anyhow, I'm sure some of you guys have experienced this in regards to your families. Did your moms or dads ever mentioned experiencing this to you?
Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The "ideas" or "cognitions" in question may include attitudes and beliefs, and also the awareness of one's behavior. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, or by justifying or rationalizing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors.[1] Cognitive dissonance theory is one of the most influential and extensively studied theories in social psychology.
Dissonance normally occurs when a person perceives a logical inconsistency among his or her cognitions. This happens when one idea implies the opposite of another. For example, a belief in animal rights could be interpreted as inconsistent with eating meat or wearing fur. Noticing the contradiction would lead to dissonance, which could be experienced as anxiety, guilt, shame, anger, embarrassment, stress, and other negative emotional states. When people's ideas are consistent with each other, they are in a state of harmony, or consonance. If cognitions are unrelated, they are categorized as irrelevant to each other and do not lead to dissonance.
A powerful cause of dissonance is when an idea conflicts with a fundamental element of the self-concept, such as "I am a good person" or "I made the right decision." The anxiety that comes with the possibility of having made a bad decision can lead to rationalization, the tendency to create additional reasons or justifications to support one's choices. A person who just spent too much money on a new car might decide that the new vehicle is much less likely to break down than his or her old car. This belief may or may not be true, but it would likely reduce dissonance and make the person feel better. Dissonance can also lead to confirmation bias, the denial of disconfirming evidence, and other ego defense mechanisms.
Ok, this past week I've had to ride the bus, instead of drive the car since my husband has been using the car driving to his new job which starts at 5:30 am on the other side of the city.
I've been used to driving my 3 kids within my insulated car environment for quite some time. Well, now I have to wake up earlier to walk my son to school and then catch the bus to bring my daughter to the sitter.
So here's my experience the other day I brought my 5 year old son with me to pick up his 2 1/2 year old sister. On our way home we catch the bus and sit on the side facing senior seats. My son picks his little sister up and places her on his lap. The middle aged white guy across from us I noticed kept eyeballing us back and forth.
Just today waiting at the Haight and Cole bus stop with my daughter again there is that moment, that pregnant pause, the moment of cognitive dissonance from strangers.
My daughter was about 8 feet away from me sort of singing and dancing around. I was keeping an eye on her, while waiting for the bus and also carrying my infant son in his Bjorn. So some people 2 girls and a guy walk by along Haight Street. One of the girls sees my daughter, gets concerned thinking she's alone. She says something to the younger guy, then she calls out to me, "Is she with you?" I reply, "Well, of course." They then continue on their way. I'm not sure whether she/they thought I was the mom or the nanny.
When I am out with the kids and my husband then everything seems to add up in strangers perceptions. When I am alone and out with my kids I get those odd discombobulating moments.
See my eldest son has dark brown hair and looks Eurasian, my daughter due to her fair coloring and her sandy brown hair with blond highlights tends to throw some people off. The thing is she looks basically like me as a child, including the haircut and texture its just her coloring takes after my husband and my mother. Her eyes are brown but they don't have an epicanthic fold, I didn't either. When that guy was eyeing us I got a bit anxious, I wondered if he thought my kids were from 2 different guys.
Anyhow, I'm sure some of you guys have experienced this in regards to your families. Did your moms or dads ever mentioned experiencing this to you?
