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Post by Subuatai on May 29, 2009 19:05:44 GMT -5
Recently over the last few weeks I've been having some problems with my mates over the whole mixed issue. Normally when it comes to racial jokes I'm rather easy going amongst my mates. When having a good time it's always best to not take anything seriously I guess.
However, ever since my daughter was confirmed, I seemed to have taken a rather serious stance when it comes to racial slurs - to the point that any so-called jokes they make about my daughter I take it seriously and even ended up assaulting my mates who make such comments.
I guess I've been going through a lot of guilt trips recently. Everyone says "You are too sensitive about your daughter and your marriage, they are just joking", "Don't take it so seriously", "They ain't racists just chill out, they were only joking", "He never meant to say that, and he already apologised but you should apologise too because he was only joking", etc.
What you think of this? Can deliberate racist insults against your daughter yet unborn and your marriage be justifiably marked as jokes and socially accepted? Am I being too sensitive? Should I stop working 7 days a week since it's f**ked up my cool head? Can "friendly" racial comments be considered as jokes if you immediately say "I was only joking mate! Chill out!"
Personally I fail to see the humor which seems to be only shared amongst the pureblooded Anglo-Australian racial society. But is it I who is wrong for 'over-reacting' to these comments? Perhaps it's my fault since my mates knew me as just an easy going bloke and racial slurs as jokes never bothered me - it didn't, but against my family it tends to cross the line... but should it really?
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Post by milkman's baby on May 29, 2009 20:03:49 GMT -5
Can you give us some examples of what they are saying? I guess it depends how they are speaking about your daughter.
But the usual rule of thumb is that it is inappropriate to ever bring a person's family into the joke, even if it is sarcastic. Whether it's a racial joke or not, you leave the family alone. Friends will say the most insulting sarcastic jokes to each other, but once a family member is brought into it, the line has been crossed. I had a teacher in high school who was one of those teachers that tried to be more of a friend to the students. She often made some extremely politically incorrect and racist jokes that could have even got her fired (and I'm thinking some of these jokes weren't sarcastic). I didn't mind them, because I just don't get offended easily. We would constantly make fun of each other in good fun. However, I remember times when she would make racist jokes about my mother, whom she doesn't even know. As the saying goes: you can only make fun of the family, if you're in the family. I never said anything to the teacher, because I didn't want to make big deal out of it. But now that I think back, I should've told her she crossed the line.
But anyway, if you brought the issue up with them already and they still go at it, you need to stop associating with them.
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Post by Paddy on May 29, 2009 20:08:28 GMT -5
Is it all getting a little too much...
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Post by Subuatai on May 30, 2009 6:23:11 GMT -5
I do not wish to repeat here on this forum what my mates have said both in front of me and behind my back. Sadly, some of these jokes are the same ones I made while I was racist against Chinese until I married one. I guess that's why I feel somewhat responsible for this sometimes.
Still, it doesn't justify racist comments against mixed "halfbreeds" or "quarterbreeds", or some strange impression that because of her mix my daughter is going to turn out an alien or something, nor does it justify how some of them seem to consider my wife "white", hence disapprove of my relationship and our daughter due to their own racial insecurity.
Nonetheless it seems maybe I have to work a bit on my temper; I didn't even give them a chance to apologise or even bring up the issue with them... I just attacked. I've managed to lose almost my entire social circle in the process. Now all I have to hang around with are my wife's churchie friends.
But THAT is a completely different issue all together... "OMG OMG you married a pagan?!" ... =/
Ha! Either dealing with race or religion or sometimes both in both mine and my wife's social circles. Bah! We even thought of emigration, but then my people hate that fact that my wife has Nordic/Chinese genes and ain't Mongol.
Meh, might try visit Aotearoa in the future, my father said people were quite different.
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Post by Subuatai on May 30, 2009 6:50:08 GMT -5
Being born and raised here, knowing Aussie culture very well, making new friends won't solve the issue - as this IS Australian culture. I've lived a nomadic life since young, so I know it's not in just one part of Australia either. It's a real dilemma to be honest, I always loved the easy-going lifestyle here, but at the same time there is sometimes a lot of racism tucked neatly behind what is considered "humor".
I don't wish to take this to my grave, nor does this country give me any hope that it's a good place to raise my new family, especially when they have the subhuman potential to judge an unborn baby girl.
All the Australian propaganda about multi-culturalism and non-racialism, heh... mate, as much as my heart will always beat for this motherland that gave me birth it saddens me what it has become... or what it has always been - and I have merely woken up to see it.
Thanks for the replies, for a moment I was thinking it was only me, and that everything is my fault. I guess emigration is in order, just have to find out where...
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Post by halfbreed on May 30, 2009 11:48:22 GMT -5
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buffyuna
Junior Member
The Tabasco Kid
Posts: 94
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Post by buffyuna on May 31, 2009 10:33:27 GMT -5
this is why i cant exchange racist jokes with friends. No matter how cool you guys are, its only a matter of time before things get personal. I would give them a pass since u guys used to do jokes....but if they still do it after u guys had that fight then its a wrap. I mean what happens if u bring ur kid around them? Will they make fun of her and potentially mess up her self esteem?
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Post by Subuatai on May 31, 2009 21:35:39 GMT -5
I know they got the message by now but I don't trust them as I know I just managed to push the issue underground and behind my back. I don't think I would want them around my daughter, but at the same time I know my daughter won't escape this.
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Post by Subuatai on May 31, 2009 22:24:16 GMT -5
My mates aren't just some small part of the Australian population who make racial comments, being born and raised here, growing up with them, living a nomadic lifestyle travelling from state to state; unfortunately they represent the behaviour of the majority of Australians; who are not racist, they are just... "jokingly racist". I used to have an impression "things will get better by generation", but now I'm not so sure.
I'm more concerned with my daughter's wellbeing then anything else, hence I've come to be much more sensitive to racial comments nowadays. I don't know if I can contain my rage when I get "EVIL SATANIC PAGAN" slapped on my face either whenever I hang around my wife's churchie friends however. Times like this I just think to myself that I'm still too hot-headed and young to be a good father.
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Post by ChickenSoda on May 31, 2009 22:29:31 GMT -5
Sounds like you're becoming the stereotypical guy who gets married, pops out a few kids and turns into a killjoy. Time to find some friends who are married with kids. There'll be plenty of soccer matches to look forward to, at least ^^
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Post by Subuatai on May 31, 2009 23:08:15 GMT -5
well better to be insulted yourself as a evil pagan than have to hear crap about your daughter. i know you agree  Haha true, but I'm not so sure about raising her in a church myself. My wife assures me that she'll keep a tab on our daughter's experiences there. But I don't want my daughter to be coming home one day and go "Daddy! Everyone says you are going to hell! Boohoo!"  I'll be having a go at the church if that happens. But pretty much that's all I have left to be honest I guess, my wifey's churchie friends. I can't be a smart-ass there unfortunately whenever someone insults me for my beliefs, since she said I embarrass her by acting "immature"  For crying out loud they dare insult my beliefs, I take the piss outta them for fun, it's FAIR! ;D Meh maybe I am still a bit immature; my wife is 3 years older then me ne way  Hmmm... I never thought of it that way; trying out an older generation to step up to in terms of social circles. I guess this makes sense what stray said as well. Damn I'm so stupid. |
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Post by helles on May 31, 2009 23:41:15 GMT -5
it sounds like you are going to give your daughter a complex by 'protecting'/smothering her from any real life situations where there are going to be racial comments.
yeah, its a good idea to keep her away from so-called friends who are racist, but you can't keep her hidden away from the big bad world and you seem to be overly sensitive to all and every situation, picking up on the minutest of detail that can be construed as 'racist'.
I can't even imagine what you are going to be like when she starts showing an interest in guys!!
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Post by Subuatai on Jun 1, 2009 4:04:50 GMT -5
There is some truth in that I guess, I fear spoiling her as well. Though I can't help but feel a lot of responsibility when it comes to how my daughter will be brought up.
My wife did go through a lot of hell, and I confronted her with the fact that she did go through a complex herself when she was young. She replied that she did not have parents who understood her situation, as she is 1st generation Eurasian. Therefore she is confident that our daughter will have adequate counsel in such situations compared to her.
However I guess I'm the hotheaded one, I can't just leave things be, I can't just accept racism and have as much faith (blind faith in my personal opinion) as my wife that my daughter will be stronger from such experiences. My daughter won't be a copy of my wife, and parental influences can only do so much.
Every child has experiences that no parent can shelter them from, but no child has to go through such discrimination just for being of a mixed race. It's not something I will accept. I don't see myself taking a backstage if someone hurts my daughter.
As for the future when she starts showing an interest in guys, I don't mind whoever she ends up with but if the bloke doesn't give my daughter the respect she deserves I'm nailing the bastard, end of story.
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Post by jenbrook on Jun 1, 2009 4:17:45 GMT -5
^Haha you know in some cultures nailing means hammering a nail into a hole if ya know what i mean |
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Post by Subuatai on Jun 1, 2009 4:19:12 GMT -5
^ ROFL! I was thinking more of the lines of crucifixion... nonetheless, ne way... lol!
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