Falling for the Wrong Person

[nakanaka]

I, being in an awkward phase (I hope), always seem to get crushes on people at the wrong time... like getting a crush on this girl who was dating someone... or getting a crush on the girl who would never date me...

I'm wondering if I'm just clueless and whether anyone else seems to have the problem of being drawn to people at the wrong time...

[Groink]

May 31, 2009 20:29:03 GMT -5 nakanaka said:

I, being in an awkward phase (I hope), always seem to get crushes on people at the wrong time... like getting a crush on this girl who was dating someone... or getting a crush on the girl who would never date me...

I'm wondering if I'm just clueless and whether anyone else seems to have the problem of being drawn to people at the wrong time...

The problem is that their unavailability is often part of their allure. So, I think that you are perhaps fairly normal.

[Roam'n]

nakanaka: some background info would help. How old are? What kind/grade of school do you attend?

[Subuatai]

The problem is that their unavailability is often part of their allure.

And often by learning how to utilise such a fantastic allure, you can get the ladies you most want.

[i move the stars for no one]

well,a lot of things are made tempting by being off limits because it's not that we can't have them but that we shouldn't or aren't allowed to.forbidden fruit.
and some rare people pursue unavailable people because at heart they really don't want to catch them.not that this is the case with high school kids.

[helles]

.. all the time!

it probably gets worse as you get older, since all the good ones are taken, and you're left with the riff-raff!

so of course you end up falling for the unavailable, who you assume must be a good catch, and nothing wrong with them, since they're already in a relationship.. vicious cycle.

[Groink]

Jun 1, 2009 0:45:24 GMT -5 @stray said:

i'm confused. i've liked unavailable girls before - but i didn't like them because they were unavailable. i liked them for similar reasons i like an available girl. you know, the actual physical/personality factors? this is like saying you bought a shirt simply because it was hidden on a rack near the ceiling with an accidentally marked up price tag. a very unavailable shirt, but you just had to get it. seriously wtf. ;D how is an unavailability even a quality in the first place? and don't give me any jive about the "hunt" btw. i don't deny that you should go after something you like. but it helps if you like it first.

Well, the unavailability thing works as more of a modifier than a direct quality. Cuz you ain't gonna like a loud-mouthed, bossy, money grubbing, harpy of a woman no matter how unavailable she is (although, I am making some assumptions about what most people like... ).

A more accurate example of the shirt scenario would be, you've been eying this shirt for a while, but you don't get it because it's too expensive/indecisive/whatever. Then it disappears off the rack one day, and you're like "DAMN! Should've bought it!" If it makes it's reappearance, then odds are you will buy it. At least, I've been in the situation before (not with shirts).

Of course, the exact opposite has happened to me, too, where it's unavailability has given me relief. Like, "Well, that decision's been made for me...phew!"

Meh. It's all complex.

[jenbrook]

Nope, i never fall for someone who is unavailable.. Availability is the main reason i fall for someone. But it doesnt necessarily mean they are the right person for me! Guys in the marinecorp, for example, are inapproprate.. Swedish tourists are as well.. Dutch footballers who live in cambodia.. etc etc

I ALWAYS fall for the wrong person. Proof? They are scattered all across the world, sweden, holland, turkenistan, france, canada, england and i probably wont see most of them ever again.

[Subuatai]

^ I agree, it's a modifier than direct quality

Forbidden fruit, ironic that both me and my wife were lured by each other's inavailability when we were just friends. Hilarious how she stole me from my ex as well haha, oh hell good times... (hell she denies it so well! It's so cute!)

[fei]

So is it better to love and lost than never been loved before? We tend to idealize a loved one,deep inside you sense that intense emotions are not related to anything you have done.

Never get involved with other people girl or girl who have high taste ;they are almost impossible to free yourself from without trauma. They cling to you until you are forced to pull back, where upon they smother you with guilt.

The best way to avoid entanglements is to recognize them right away and give them a wide berth, but they often deceiveus. Involvements with these types are painful, and are hard to disengage from, because the more emotional response you show, the more engaged you seem to be. The best antidote , act distant and indifferent,pay no attention to them, make them feel how little they matter to you.

[Paddy]

Jun 1, 2009 6:34:13 GMT -5 fei said:

Never get involved with other people girl or girl who have high taste ;they are almost impossible to free yourself from without trauma. They cling to you until you are forced to pull back, where upon they smother you with guilt.

Wrong. You can get involved...but don't fall for them! And you just created a brilliant new word - deceivious; devious and deceitful rolled into one!

I don't fall for girls unless they like me too. I've always been able to keep it together until the girl has shown her interest. Except for when I was 16 of course! I'm sure there will come a time when I fall for a girl I can't have though. But what is worse if they are unavailabe...or you are unavailable??

[palaver]

I thought falling was bad, whether it is for the right or wrong person. Maybe that's me just suppressing my earthly desires--or keeping my balance.

At the tender ages, it is pure lust--though your first love was probably the purest. Once you get older you'll be more unburned by petty things such as appearances, age, status, race, wealth--then love will feel like flying not falling.

But you're probably not talking about love. If you're concerned about timing, the male appetites don't follow any kind of lunch schedule. So play safe, *wrap* your presents, and don't go psycho possessive like some teens who hold on tight like a 40 y/o taking their last shot at happiness. Too many of these kids are calling the hotlines like abused housewives.

[Paddy]

I don't think it's fair to say teens are only guided by lust.

[ChickenSoda]

I'm with stray on this one. I think that the idea of forbidden fruit is interesting semantically, but in practice, it's just an annoyance and doesn't add much to attraction. I would contend that people seem to often go after people who are taken because these taken people exhibit qualities that a lot of people want, so they don't stay single for long.

[palaver]

^I'm not condemning it if that is what you mean. But I would say that those first emotions are purely carnal and hormonal--until it is released and refined into something more Platonic.