Sexual Control

[Paddy]

"The idea that she could satisfy him when and how she pleased amused her..."

"He felt eager to re-awken the only feeling which gave him power over a woman; shame, gratitude for shame undergone."

I came across these two quotes in the book that I'm reading at the moment. No they are not quotes from Penthouse Letters. They're from Man's Estate (by Andre Malraux 1934) which is a fictional account of historical events that occurred in Shanghai in the '20s; faction. Anyway, that is by-the-by.

My question is about sexual power and control. Do women exact control over men by being able to pleasure them? Does this ability confer power to women?

Or do women feel shame at being sexually dominated by men? And does this confer power on men?

Or is it that both of these are true and sex induces an emotional c*cktail that ultimately leaves both uncertain in the throws of sexual satisfaction...Or is sex simply a thing of mutual respect with nothing to do with power? Do committed men and women truly give everything of themselves during love, or is something held back - perhaps a nugget of distrust or mystery - that means that sex is a vehicle for asserting power, whether either is conscious of t or not.

Any thoughts?

[Subuatai]

I don't think sexual control is a bad thing at all, nor is it just an only man or only woman thing either.

Personally I'm never satisfied unless I can accomplish sexual control over my partner. I enjoy learning all buttons and switches, and using them to my benefit not only hers. To be able to amplify her desires even to the point of obsession. To the point I never even have to ask, to the point that there's no such word as 'no' even in public.

However, in the past - whenever I achieved this, I got bored quickly and broke up with my exs. Reason for this is because I don't like this power to be only one-sided, as even though I tend to be dominant, I tend to lose respect for my partner if she ever becomes a yes-woman, or becomes too easy to seduce.

Yes, I know I have mentioned that I always aim to sexually control her to the point where she can't say no, but it's still a game to me, and if I was to stay with only one woman - she must to able to play my game on a day-by-day basis, not just once.

So unless she also puts in the same effort to be able to seduce me, and not just try - but succeed, I leave. It's a very high standard and in the past women have never been observant or empathetic enough to learn my own buttons/switches, and instead of learning how to be MORE observant, or even just teasing or play hard-to-get regardless of their passionate desires (which drives me wild) - they get all insecure instead that they just ain't good enough after I reject them

Knowing that she wants it yet she says no - that triggers my predatory nature and is the most important prerequisite when it comes to satisfaction for me. Also, sexuality in relationships for me is not just important for enjoyment, but for problem-solving. A pointless argument that can not be solved by words (pretty much most of them when you have a stubborn partner) can easily resolved by irresistable passion. But this passion has to be mutual, and never boring.

[betahat]

Isn't it Man's Fate? One of those books I read and remember almost nothing about. I can't comment on whether shame gives men power but I have no doubt that women's sexuality is a kind of power, albeit one that is more fleeting and tenuous than the kind of power men usually wield in the form of wealth, influence and physical strength.

[Paddy]

Jul 8, 2009 14:08:22 GMT -5 betahat said:

Isn't it Man's Fate?

Yup, it's also called 'Man's Fate'.