Founding a family

[catgirl]

I feel the pressure, not from the general population but from articles by doctors! The DANGER of waiting with kids before 30 they always say.

I want to have a child before I'm done with my education, but at the end of my studies. Some people ask me why, and say that I'm still "young". But all women in my family had kids 24 or younger.

Perhaps it depends on how important it is for you to have kids, how many you want, and if you re in a stable relationship etc. If you want 1-2 kids, you probably can wait until 30.

Many people suffer from infertility also, and age could be a factor. Every 25th child is born due to fertilization outside the womans body. Don't know the name of it in English

The western world has developed a special culture where one expects to live longer, stay young longer, study until you're 30 and all that stuff. It doesn't really fit well with the biology always, the clock will still be ticking!

[catgirl]

I also had a miscarriage this summer, so I dont believe its always easy to be able to have a healthy child. I dont want to start trying to late in case there could be some further issues with this.

It would be more like a gift/blessing to have a kid.

But really you cant plan everything!

[catgirl]

Sept 9, 2009 21:44:58 GMT -5 milkman's baby said:

But with all the medical advancements and people living longer anyway, I would still consider having children as late as the mid-40s, although I'd still be concerned. And not to mention the financial benefits - I rarely hear older parents complaining about expenses or how much of a burden its putting on their budget.

I think the late 20s is an ideal age for most people to bear children, but economically it's still difficult. Just look at the prices they charge for diapers, day care, pediatric care, etc. these days and you'll see why people wait until their first social security check to have kids!

I hope society doesn't revert to placing too much stress on the physical benefits of age & child bearing, because I'm afraid this would revert back to old days when more women were pressured to be stay at home moms and give up great career prospects in their early 20s. Not that being a stay at home mom is a bad thing - my own mother stayed home to care for me until I got older - but I fear that this could hurt general female advancement in the workplace again. Or maybe I'm assuming too much?

You know some people hit menopause in their 30s.... Its unusual, but it happens! Also Ive heard of people easily getting pregnant in their 20s and then try for another kid in 30s but are unable for unknown reasons.

The womens "eggs" cannot be renewed like sperm! The quality decreases with age and miscarriage and genetic defects are more and more likely.

[thesa]

.......you realize that you're getting older, when you suddenly notice all the pregnant mums or the ones pushing their prams in front of them and it makes your heart both bounce and sink.......

[meep]

Sept 26, 2009 18:10:46 GMT -5 catgirl said:

I also had a miscarriage this summer, so I dont believe its always easy to be able to have a healthy child. I dont want to start trying to late in case there could be some further issues with this.

It would be more like a gift/blessing to have a kid.

But really you cant plan everything!

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage, catgirl.

I am with you on your views about founding a family as I too do not want to wait too late. I'm only 20 but sometimes I feel anxious about my fertility for some reason.

[catgirl]

Its ok, and probably for the best as Im living abroad and still far to go with my studies.

I think mid 20s or late 20s is a good age. My sister in law was 28 when she had her first, and I really look up to it

[quiapo]

A complex issue! Thereare biological constraints which define absolute and optimal child bearing age. However there is a need for people to be psychologically ready to assume the role of parent. This is at least as important as being economically ready, or professionally ready. In Australia, many specialist medical practitioners have their children later in life due to the length of time to earn qualifications ( 5 to 10 years after being registered as a doctor).

[alisa]

I never heard any biological clock ticking but what do ya know? If you have sex without protection during ovulation, you could get pregnant! So i can't say I ever felt any pressure to pop one out before I hit 30, but I did and now have to 'deal' with it. Not much to 'deal' with. It's the best thing I've ever done in my life...in fact, it's the ONLY good thing I've done in my life :/
Luckily for me, my husband is in his early 40s and already had a house, a career and a good income, so having a child at this age (24) was not a huge problem as far as financial stability etc. goes - however, I've also never really been a very ambitious person career wise so maybe I'm just one of those women who set feminism back 50 years? Whatever. All I know is that had you asked me the day before I got pregnant if I was ready or willing I would have said no, but if you'd asked me the day I found out I was pregnant I would have said yes. I've never been one to plan my life out too carefully and am happy to let things just happen because at the end of the day, you can have your career and your house and your money but you'll never be ready for parenthood until you HAVE to be ready for parenthood (please note, I live in Australia where we have a lot of safety nets so I feel my lax attitude would probably not work well in other countries).

I think women put a lot of emphasis on their careers these days and have the attitude that their life is going to end when they have kids, which is why it's being left so late, but this doesn't have to be the case. And it's the same vice versa for those who feel pressured to conceive before 30 - though I can't say I've ever met anyone who has felt the latter! I almost feel like a freak being a mum at 24 which most people consider 'young'. Bull****! I like to think that by the time my little Vincent is at Uni age, I'll be in my early 40s which is still young and a great age to have adult children. I think the longer you think your life is going to end once you have kids and the longer you put it off, the truer that idea becomes.

At the end of the day however, it's up to you, of course! Who gives a damn about what other people think about how you conduct your own life. Always be sure to have your own reasons for the decisions you make so no one can ever make you feel inadequate. I believe I'm a great 'young' mum and won't let anyone else tell me otherwise!

Also catgirl, sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It is definitely very hard to try ensure a healthy child/pregnancy and I think no matter what we do, nature has it's own ideas. Planning is definitely not in Mother Nature's vocabulary! I thought I'd have the perfect pregnancy and delivery but I was very wrong. Thank God for hospitals. But it's all worth the trying times in the end, so I hope you try again soon and don't get put off by the past.