How to reject guys nicely?

[hypeforlife91]

I always have random guys coming up to me and immediately asking me to date them and give them my number. -_- I tried the fake digits thing but I am afraid that the clever guys will get me and it will be super awkward if they find out it is fake.

The thing is that...the guys don't want to be "just friends" with me. I won't mind "just friends", but I think the type of guys that just come up to you and say stuff like "you're hot" or whatever want just that. I don't want to disappoint them but sometimes they are soooo persistent. I told this guy today that I already have a boyfriend and he kept walking with me. D: We talked and the conversation was pretty nice, but later he asked me on a date lol.....I was like... I already told you. And then he asked me to break up with my boyfriend and he'll give me anything in the world! Lmao. -_- I finally just gave him my number like he wanted since I've tried the fake number thing on so many other guys. I wanted to see if he would really call me or am I just "another girl he comes up to".

So what is an effective way to say no nicely so that guys immediately understand and you don't feel awkward afterwards? Any tips? I am young, inexperienced, and not really that much of the "outgoing type".

It is just annoying when they won't stop bugging you even though you told them specifically you have something important to do.

I'd like to hear from you gorgeous ladies and handsome gents as well.

Thanks!

[milkman's baby]

Nov 7, 2009 4:13:41 GMT -5 hypeforlife91 said:

I finally just gave him my number like he wanted since I've tried the fake number thing on so many other guys. I wanted to see if he would really call me or am I just "another girl he comes up to".

Well that was dumb of you, no offense. You NEVER give out your number to someone you just met on the street.

So what is an effective way to say no nicely so that guys immediately understand and you don't feel awkward afterwards? Any tips? I am young, inexperienced, and not really that much of the "outgoing type".

It really depends on what situation you're in. If it's at a formal workplace or in a classroom setting where you'd potentially have to work with the guy on an important project, you should be as civil and polite as possible. Then again, a guy can only go so far in a workplace before it becomes harassment, in which case he can get in trouble.

On the streets or in public areas such as shopping centers, I've learned the only solution is to be rude and frank. Either ignoring them and walking away or cussing them out. The problem is, if you're in a ghetto area and you're afraid the guy would pull a weapon out on you, it's not so easy to go off on him. But in that case, ignoring him and walking away would be the most innocuous way of handling it. A lot of men, for some odd reason, still seem to think that when women first say no they are just playing hard to get. I don't understand it really. But by being firm, hard, and mean in your statement you are not only rejecting his proposition but letting him know that you are not one to be messed with. I honestly think smaller women should brush up on this even more. You ever notice that some of the meanest dogs that growl at strangers are the smallest dogs? There's a reason behind that.

But if you insist on being a nice young lady, I guess you'd just have to spit out as many excuses as possible. If you're walking on the street, just say, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry and I don't have time to talk. Got too many things on my mind." Or you could say, in a polite tone, "Look man, I think it's sleazy to hit on people on the streets so I'm not gonna give you my number." If he keeps persisting, I think you'll have to use harsher words. If it keeps going, use your discretion as to whether it is harassment. Your safety may be in danger. Call the police.

[milkman's baby]

Oh yeah, and if the man asks how old you are, say you're 15 or 16. Usually the only ones that ask are the smart ones who are taking precautions to make sure they won't get their ass thrown in the slammer, so it's an open opportunity for you to set the sirens off and let them know you're off limits.

[LaFace]

Depends on the setting.

If it's in a public and/or safe place (eg you're with a friend, at a club, inside the mall etc), I think everyone should just be a real man/woman and be upfront and honest, rather than telling petty lies.

Tell the person you don't want to give them your number and that you're not interested in a date. If they ask you why, tell them the truth (whether it's because you didn't like the way they approached you, or you're not interested in meeting new guys, or you're happy with your boyfriend etc, whatever reason it is).

Keep your vocal tone 'kind yet assertive', instead of 'bitchy and arrogant'.

A lot of people (and this includes people in their 20's and 30's) don't have the balls to do this, which is disappointing. People think it's hard or just don't have the confidence to let someone know that they're not interested, but with practice it becomes easier and you start to gain a greater awareness of how to do it in the right way. Common courtesy. Also, ask yourself how you would want to be rejected if you were in their shoes.

That's all that can be asked of a guy/girl rejecting someone else in my opinion, and if they are still uncomfortably persistent, then I'd be having a look at sweetfart's longest paragraph in her first post in this thread. Sweetfart, I think you're advice is good, but there are some absolute creeps out there, and I'm guessing that if they get immediately rejected in a harsh/rude manner, and the setting is a bit more dangerous like say an empty street at night (girls shouldn't be walking alone in these area anyway but that's another topic), then it's worth considering whether or not he might lash out at the girl (there's a significant chance he's got a history of being rejected if he initially came across as a 'creep' and is thus frustrated/angry with the female gender).

Finally, if you're ever concerned about your safety, don't hesitate to contact the venue's security or the police.

[hypeforlife91]

Thanks for all your tips guys and girls The thing is...the dude goes to my school lol. We didn't just meet on the street...so going to the same school is kinda closer in terms of "relationship" I guess. ;o

I most likely ignore strangers on the streets. I did see him on the school bus so I thought meh...he goes to my school it is okay to talk a tiny bit to make him understand that I am not looking for a date. If he was just a guy that I met on the street, I would just keep walking. xD Now if we were in a store, I guess I would talk a little since it is a closer environment. I guess? The streets are endless so a bit more scary to me. I think I'm still naive though.

It's just annoying how I send out this "vibe" that I am outgoing when I am actually not very. Many people say that but I am actually shy.

[milkman's baby]

Nov 7, 2009 17:19:11 GMT -5 LaFace said:

A lot of people (and this includes people in their 20's and 30's) don't have the balls to do this, which is disappointing. People think it's hard or just don't have the confidence to let someone know that they're not interested, but with practice it becomes easier and you start to gain a greater awareness of how to do it in the right way. Common courtesy. Also, ask yourself how you would want to be rejected if you were in their shoes.

Asking someone who you hardly know out on a date/hookup/etc is rather low-class, especially on the streets. People who do sleazy things like that don't deserve any courtesy. And the types of men who try to pick up strangers are probably the types that don't back down on the first "no" if it's polite. I'm not a rude person at all, but these situations call for harsh words.

[LaFace]

^If they're asking for a date immediately without even getting to know the girl, then yeah I agree.

It does indicate sleaziness, or an otherwise lack of awareness for social etiquette.

Some people just need to further develop their social skills though, however this is more of an issue for the person initiating the interaction.

[hypeforlife91]

Yeah if it is those types of guys that just randomly come up to me...I automatically have a bad impression of them. I prefer romances to start as a friendship or you know..one of those very "romantic meetings" of where no one really initiates the interaction..but fate brought them together lol. I'm pretty corny, but I am sincere about that.

[EAgent]

I don't think there is such thing as a "nice" rejection. Just use the BF excuse and if they persist, stick to your story.

Nov 8, 2009 20:46:03 GMT -5 milkman's baby said:

Asking someone who you hardly know out on a date/hookup/etc is rather low-class, especially on the streets. People who do sleazy things like that don't deserve any courtesy. And the types of men who try to pick up strangers are probably the types that don't back down on the first "no" if it's polite. I'm not a rude person at all, but these situations call for harsh words.

All sorts of men approach women during the day, not just sleazy ones. Maybe your attitude is repelling quality guys?

[milkman's baby]

Nov 10, 2009 5:12:26 GMT -5 EAgent said:

Maybe your attitude is repelling quality guys?

Nah, I just have really bad body odor.

hype:

I prefer romances to start as a friendship or you know..one of those very "romantic meetings" of where no one really initiates the interaction..but fate brought them together lol. I'm pretty corny, but I am sincere about that.

Not really corny, just unrealistic. Those things don't happen in real life.

[cm]

Grow a mustache

[hypeforlife91]

okay, got any rogaine?

[celltocell]

if a guy doesn't respect the fact that you have a boyfriend / are off the market then he doesn't deserve to be rejected "nicely". just ignore them. who cares ? haha

[betahat]

Just tell the truth. I'm assuming that the guy in question is nice so you want to reject him nicely. A nice guy will take a polite no - I'm not interested because I have a boyfriend, I'm too busy, you're not my type, I'm about to leave town for a long time, etc. I've certainly experienced the friendly no a few times, and you get over it pretty quickly (though you remain bitter that all the good ones are taken, if only I'd met this person back in middle-school/high-school before they met their current partner we would have had a chance, etc.) No need to lie or anything, as by definition a nice guy knows how to take no for an answer.

If the guy is persistent and starting to get annoying, I'm with celltocell - no need to be nice, just tell him to bugger off. I'm against creating conflict but there are some men who are just too annoying and persistent, and you'll either need unearthly willpower to ignore them and take the path of least resistance or create an atmosphere of hostility.

[penguinopolipitese]

from my perspective it seems like 95% of women are in a relationship at any given time. What choice is there but to try and pry a woman away from her current boyfriend if you like her a lot?
Not that I do that mind you. I just that I can empathize. I mean try being a guy and hearing "I have a boyfriend" like 20 times. If you took no for an answer.... well you'd be me ha ha. But that's another story.

Anyway, probably the fairest thing to do is tell it to them straight you're not interested and if they persist just ignore them and they'll get the idea.