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Post by Kalvien on Nov 29, 2009 21:31:03 GMT -5
here's the problem, lately my chinese friend married to a german. she shared the photo of very lovely baby, which looked very different to her. I dunno, the baby was beautiful, he is really adorable, but at same time, I don't wish to be born that way, having "exotic eurasian look" because I'm too different physically. I'm ashamed of myself because this racist prejudice. though I'm chinese-dutch, I never consider myself eurasian till recently. Ive been living in predominantly chinese culture, okay, there is some eurasian culture from my mom's family, but it's not significant. If I have a child someday, I probably wish he looked chinese, not eurasian. Deep down inside I feel partially grateful not retaining eurasian physique. I'm also afraid if someday I marry either eurasian/white woman, will I able to accept my child if she/he had different look? Again, I apologize if this question contains racial prejudice and might sounds offensive. I just want to ask you who might have eurasian child and looked different compared to you and rest of your family. Do you ever feel some sort of doubt or rejection when you saw your baby first time? do you fear that "oh my god, how come this is my child? he/she looked very different to me"! Hope you don't mind to share your opinion. to be honest I'm ashamed myself that I even think this way.
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Post by milkman's baby on Nov 29, 2009 22:29:38 GMT -5
I personally don't want my child to look like me, because that would mean he/she is very unattractive but anyway...eh, it's okay that you feel this way. I said in another thread that I would have a hard time accepting my child if it was born with a condition like Down's Syndrome or something, so I don't see how it would be any different prefer certain physical characteristics in your child such as racial looks. But Kalvien in my experience I hear many people who used to say they wish they're child would look like this and perform like that, and they end up accepting their child anyway regardless of what it looks like. It's easy for you and I to say these things now because we don't have children, but I'm sure it would change if we did.
But if you really are worried about it you can just do what I'm gonna do, which is probably adopt.
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Post by Ganbare! on Nov 29, 2009 22:30:41 GMT -5
People should think first before having a baby if the thought of rejecting it if it looks different crosses their mind.
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Post by milkman's baby on Nov 29, 2009 22:31:17 GMT -5
Or better yet, just get a dog.
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Post by toyomansi on Nov 30, 2009 6:43:13 GMT -5
here's the problem, lately my chinese friend married to a german. she shared the photo of very lovely baby, which looked very different to her. I dunno, the baby was beautiful, he is really adorable, but at same time, I don't wish to be born that way, having "exotic eurasian look" because I'm too different physically. I'm ashamed of myself because this racist prejudice. though I'm chinese-dutch, I never consider myself eurasian till recently. Ive been living in predominantly chinese culture, okay, there is some eurasian culture from my mom's family, but it's not significant. If I have a child someday, I probably wish he looked chinese, not eurasian. Deep down inside I feel partially grateful not retaining eurasian physique. I'm also afraid if someday I marry either eurasian/white woman, will I able to accept my child if she/he had different look? Again, I apologize if this question contains racial prejudice and might sounds offensive. I just want to ask you who might have eurasian child and looked different compared to you and rest of your family. Do you ever feel some sort of doubt or rejection when you saw your baby first time? do you fear that "oh my god, how come this is my child? he/she looked very different to me"! Hope you don't mind to share your opinion. to be honest I'm ashamed myself that I even think this way. Don't feel ashamed about having these kind of thoughts. I can also relate to these thoughts, even though I often don't dare to say it out loud myself. Maybe people would expect me to fully support all kinds of mixing because I myself am mixed. Like, often when I see a SE Asian mother wheeling around a completely white looking baby, I question myself if that baby really has its mother's blood at all or if the lady is its nanny... And I get annoyed by those Asians who tell me that they want to marry a white guy so that their babies will look as European as possible. As for my own kids, I don't want them to go through the identity confusion that EAs go through, so honestly I wish that they will look more monoracial and have a good cultural/racial identity. Also I want to be able to see myself in their looks. So it might be that I'm mostly attracted a certain type of men that are not too different from myself (both in culture and phenotype).
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Post by catgirl on Nov 30, 2009 8:01:47 GMT -5
Having a child is just like throwing a dice. You dont always know the outcome. You cant decide which parent the child will be more similar to either. Even though the kid might look more like the mum or the dad its just as much your kid as the other parent regardless of looks, its 50-50% genetically. Looks are superficial you know:P But it you have these fears or thoughts, maybe you should wait a little before deciding to have a kid
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Post by catgirl on Nov 30, 2009 8:05:47 GMT -5
By the way, I used to baby sit some twins and they were white and one was even light blond with blue eyes, and many people thought they were my kids.... And Im much darker than them.
So it doesnt have to be that people automatically dont think your kids are youre kids if you have any.
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Post by paul101 on Nov 30, 2009 14:45:27 GMT -5
People should think first before having a baby if the thought of rejecting it if it looks different crosses their mind. I totally agree with this. To be honest, I don't look like my Eurasian father that much and the thought of him thinking, "Oh my god, I'm so disappointed that Paul doesn't look like me.. I think I'll just ignore him and pay attention to my daughters." Both annoys and kind of upsets me. :/ I know that that's not exactly what you're saying, but shouldn't you be just happy and grateful that your child will come out happy and healthy? Looks aren't everything, y'know. :/ Eurasians put up with enough crap from other people commenting on their looks, never mind their own parents.
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Post by Ganbare! on Nov 30, 2009 16:14:13 GMT -5
I've felt that my father resented me because I'm not full-blooded or even culturally very Chinese, he never said anything but it showed. As for my mother, she often used the fact that I'm not 100% Caucasian in my looks nor my ways to explain me why she wished she never dated an Asian man and sometimes to discredit me in arguments.. I know its the common lot of mixed people but it still hurts a little.
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Post by toyomansi on Nov 30, 2009 16:38:27 GMT -5
When I'll have children of course I will love them unconditionally no matter how they look.
The reason why I would prefer a somewhat similar look is to be able to share the similar identity and experiences in society. If my children looked too different from me and were experiencing a certain type of treatment or maybe racism by people, I wouldn't be able to relate to them and understand their experiences. Similarly, when Asian adoptees experiences a different treatment in society than their white parents, their parents are usually not able to put themselves in their child's shoes. Also, monoracial parents of EA kids don't fully understand how their kids experience life and society as biracial and bicultural.
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Post by milkman's baby on Nov 30, 2009 19:50:40 GMT -5
As for my mother, she often used the fact that I'm not 100% Caucasian in my looks nor my ways to explain me why she wished she never dated an Asian man and sometimes to discredit me in arguments.. I know its the common lot of mixed people but it still hurts a little. Wow.
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Post by milkman's baby on Nov 30, 2009 19:54:06 GMT -5
When I'll have children of course I will love them unconditionally no matter how they look. The reason why I would prefer a somewhat similar look is to be able to share the similar identity and experiences in society. If my children looked too different from me and were experiencing a certain type of treatment or maybe racism by people, I wouldn't be able to relate to them and understand their experiences. Similarly, when Asian adoptees experiences a different treatment in society than their white parents, their parents are usually not able to put themselves in their child's shoes. Also, monoracial parents of EA kids don't fully understand how their kids experience life and society as biracial and bicultural. Yeah, that's kinda how I used to be. I still deep down kinda want to procreate with another Eurasian so our kids can have the benefit of REALLY looking like both of us, but it's not that big of a deal. But anyway I'm still sticking to my plan to adopt so if any of you get knocked up on accident and don't wanna keep it let me know in about five years. I should have a stable income by then.
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Post by ahliang on Dec 5, 2009 18:52:13 GMT -5
I personally don't want my child to look like me, because that would mean he/she is very unattractive but anyway...eh, it's okay that you feel this way. I said in another thread that I would have a hard time accepting my child if it was born with a condition like Down's Syndrome or something, so I don't see how it would be any different prefer certain physical characteristics in your child such as racial looks. But Kalvien in my experience I hear many people who used to say they wish they're child would look like this and perform like that, and they end up accepting their child anyway regardless of what it looks like. It's easy for you and I to say these things now because we don't have children, but I'm sure it would change if we did. But if you really are worried about it you can just do what I'm gonna do, which is probably adopt. if you had your pic for a sig a while back...i m pretty sure it was you as you had a similar looking person for an avatar...then i think you re quite pretty...then again...i sometimes hate what i see in the mirror...sometimes i m at peace with it (as in indifferent) while i m told by others i m not too bad looking...so i guess it s more that you have a bad image of yourself than it is a fact ... but anyways...i have a LOOOOOOOOOT of respect for people who adopt... i think the point of having kids, is that people want their genes to continue existing...thus why kalvien would feel disappointed if his kids looked utterly different from him... i never thought about having kids seriously before...if i could select or wipe out a specific gene...i think i d be more than willing to have my own kids...i was waiting for my friend to do numero dooooos at the food court 2 weeks ago...and i saw this old lady, very well kept, in her late 60's....spoon feeding a 40 something disabled man whom i assumed to be her child. she must have spent the second half of her life caring for him. not knowing if he were happy or even felt her love...the man looked somehow vegetative, half drooling...eyes half closed...crumbled up in a wheelchair....what if i knew my child would be like this? i know it s stupid of me to say but i don t think i could think of giving birth to someone whom i wouldn t be sure would be able to share basic human feelings...i recall reading that some of these handicapped people did not have their brain stimuli go off the same way it did for a "normal" person when we would expect them to...so it got me thinking...what if he/she can t know human love/warmth the way i know it? i wouldn t want that to happen to my child....and i know there are genes that i d much rather never pass on...(although it has nothing to do with *strictly speaking* genetic diseases, talking in general ...somewhat) edit: i don t want people to misunderstand but this was to illustrate unconditional love...except if you re to love unconditionally, it would hurt to know that this love may not be understood... on another note...there s this person i know...he s full korean but was adopted by caucasian american parents....he s taking korean this semester....trying to put myself in his parent s shoes....how would it feel? would it not hurt a tad bit? give you at the very least a slight pinch? just a reminder that your son is not biologically yours and that you have so very different bloodlines that he feels the need to learn about his "own" culture....one that his very parents do not share....on his own... so having my own kids....i d see it as a selfish act on my part...there are so many kids out there who need parents and yet, for the sake of spreading my genes, i d have my own despite the risks...yet...*sigh* confusion...
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Post by milkman's baby on Dec 6, 2009 0:07:34 GMT -5
if you had your pic for a sig a while back...i m pretty sure it was you as you had a similar looking person for an avatar...then i think you re quite pretty...then again...i sometimes hate what i see in the mirror...sometimes i m at peace with it (as in indifferent) while i m told by others i m not too bad looking...so i guess it s more that you have a bad image of yourself than it is a fact ... Well thanks, but I think you're mistaken. lol So far I've spared everyone on EAN the horror of having to see my face, so you must be thinking of someone else's photo. I wasn't fishing for compliments though. I hope you don't think that. I was just trying contrast Kalvien's earning for a child resembling himself with my longing to have an actually decent looking child. But yeah, I see what you're saying about self-analysis. Some people are too harsh on themselves. I can acknowledge that I'm unattractive and still be happy. You gotta just work with what you have, yanno? Life's too short to mope around about such things! Sometimes I do wonder if having your own children is selfish. But it's only natural, so we can't look down on people who have their own kids. Adoption is great and I would like to adopt someday, but at times I do think it's overrated. Adopting a child from another race is a big deal even though adoptive parents often try to act like it isn't. It's especially a big deal when you raise the child in an all-white town (if we're talking white parents that adopt Asian kids, in this sense). Much more complicated than people think.
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Post by Ganbare! on Dec 7, 2009 17:55:17 GMT -5
When I'll have children of course I will love them unconditionally no matter how they look. The reason why I would prefer a somewhat similar look is to be able to share the similar identity and experiences in society. If my children looked too different from me and were experiencing a certain type of treatment or maybe racism by people, I wouldn't be able to relate to them and understand their experiences. Similarly, when Asian adoptees experiences a different treatment in society than their white parents, their parents are usually not able to put themselves in their child's shoes. Also, monoracial parents of EA kids don't fully understand how their kids experience life and society as biracial and bicultural. Yeah, that's kinda how I used to be. I still deep down kinda want to procreate with another Eurasian so our kids can have the benefit of REALLY looking like both of us, but it's not that big of a deal. I heard that countless times but so few EAs actually do it, they all end up like with other races. If I'm not mistaken the Phillipines have some sort of several generations lineage of 'pure-blooded' Eurasians.
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