gumby
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by gumby on Mar 2, 2010 0:32:44 GMT -5
I'm EA and dating a Filipino guy. Whenever we argue, he plays the race card, i.e., "when you break up with me you can go get yourself a white guy." Or "I bet you wish you were with a white guy." I hate that. I've dated white guys in the past, and he holds that against me like it was some sort of crime, even though I'm part white!
I've found that every Asian guy I've ever dated asked me about the ethnicity of guys I dated in the past. Yeah, I know they're trying to figure out how I identify. And I understand that Asian brothers have been dissed in the media and so there are some insecurity issues there, but I don't especially like having to defend my past of having dated non-Asians.
I'm curious if other EA women have experienced this when they are dating Asian men.
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Post by admin on Mar 2, 2010 11:18:05 GMT -5
I think his attitude has more to do with his insecurities of being an Asian male in our white dominated society, or else perhaps he has some personal history of women dumping him for white guys. Either way, it's his problem and he has to recognize it before the two of you can work on change. Some of it might have to do with his mixed and mix-able your community is. Where I live in Northern California, you see more and more white woman dating Asian men, and while it hardly balances out the asian women / white men dynamic, it helps to remasculate the Asian male from a marketing standpoint. What's it like where you two live?
The other thing you might consider is that he's using race as a way to absolve himself of any responsibility to make the relationship work (unselfishness, empathy, effort) by writing off any break-up on not being white as opposed to not being a good boyfriend.
Why not address the issue with him directly so you can do your best to get past it?
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palavore
Full Member
I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold posts.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Posts: 298
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Post by palavore on Mar 2, 2010 20:57:13 GMT -5
Some Asian guys like to project (psychologically). This isn't true for all Asian guys...but if they had a chance with cute blonds they wouldn't mess around with Asian girls. In principle, Asian men see their own duplicity as a form of betrayal. Rather than blame themselves and find inferiority in the male sex, they try to coerce guilt from the Asian women as a way to redeem themselves.
Or as putts said, he could be looking for a reason to dump your and other issues more personal to the relationship than race. They more heated the argument, the less relevant the spoken issues of the argument become. That is, sometimes we listen too closely to words when they don't mean anything.
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Post by penguinopolipitese on Mar 2, 2010 21:13:21 GMT -5
being an asian man has a lot of stigma attached in white society. I don't know many white girls who would say "oh I love asian guys" but I know a huge number of white guys who love asian women. I can see why an asian guy might feel resentful. I'm half and I even feel it a bit.
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palavore
Full Member
I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold posts.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Posts: 298
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Post by palavore on Mar 2, 2010 21:44:17 GMT -5
^ Now we're venting somewhere! Sorry, Gumdrops, this is officially a guy thread.
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Post by Ganbare! on Mar 2, 2010 22:15:03 GMT -5
A substantial proportion of Asian males internalized their inferiority in the dating game, the rest's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Post by rob on Mar 3, 2010 11:27:53 GMT -5
I'm EA and dating a Filipino guy. Whenever we argue, he plays the race card, i.e., "when you break up with me you can go get yourself a white guy." Or "I bet you wish you were with a white guy." I hate that. I've dated white guys in the past, and he holds that against me like it was some sort of crime, even though I'm part white! He's a loser. Dump him. Unless of course he's mestizo
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Post by betahat on Mar 6, 2010 13:08:10 GMT -5
He's probably just insecure. Try telling how good-looking and well endowed he is, as frequently as possible.
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Post by jefe on Mar 20, 2010 16:15:50 GMT -5
You know, I think an Asian guy might say the same thing to an ASIAN girl who dated mostly white guys in the past.
I think this is another relationship game play thingy. People are always testing their dates / bf / gf out (and sometimes it might have to do with some inferiority thing).
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Post by One Eye on Mar 30, 2010 1:09:02 GMT -5
Yeah, I've dated a few with that insecurity crap. One guy I ended up NOT going out with because he made such a stink about white guys blah blah blah that I went from thinking he was white hot (no pun intended) to tepid pretty fast. It's discouraging how some Asian guys shoot themselves in the foot with that kind of second-guessing, self-doubt crap. But as far as a guy asking what races of men I've gone out with before them...I've never dated a guy of any race that didn't ask that.
Anyway, next time he gives you s***, call him out on him dating an EA girl. Say something like "Why bother with me? Why not go with a full white trophy gf, you insecure prick." Or something to that effect. Or not. Whatever.
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Post by jtburge on Apr 2, 2010 11:02:37 GMT -5
I dunno really, I have dated all races and ethnic backgrounds,, None of the women really asked what race I usually date lol. Guys may differ because of stereotype but it really depends on where one lives
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nealtse
Junior Member
Drifter
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Post by nealtse on May 13, 2010 23:44:05 GMT -5
Can't avoid bringing up that in western media and culture, the Asian male has been thoroughly emasculated (unless you know Jeet Kun Do) and made romantically redundant. From creepy Indian/Arab male characters, to bookish Japanese office drones, to small-dicked, weak-willed Mama's boys, there are a lot of things fighting our image perception that aren't necessarily deserved, but still consistently reinforced.
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