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Post by rob on Mar 9, 2010 10:16:05 GMT -5
Is it too unreasonable to wait/hope/long for a love like this?
Too idealistic? Too unattainable? Is this just another vomit inducing fairy tale?
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Post by admin on Mar 9, 2010 11:53:44 GMT -5
I don't think it's unrealistic at all. I do think, though, that you don't wait around for a love like that to drop in your lap. I think you have to start with a relationship and then give. If you picked the right partner and they also know that giving is the secret to that kind of romance, then you're home free.
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Post by ahliang on Mar 9, 2010 22:15:41 GMT -5
i cried when i saw this very part! was on the plane when i watched UP...started watching it, then switched places to go sit in the very last row where no one else was sitting...no one could watch what i was doing, i would get the least meal choices and be served last but at least i could rewind, play, rewind, play, rewind at will...this very part!
it s disney...it s a fairy tale in my eyes...but a beautiful lie nonetheless...
the funny thing is that this has been our last conversation topic over the past week with my friends...and it appears that some people do genuinely believe in this...because they re so adamant about how merry happy their marriage will turn out (just as their parent's supposedly did), it makes me wonder if their positive view of it will not actually make it an attainable reality for them and that our doubts are the only things that unable us to reach sheer happiness like that. or...i wonder if they ll wait their whole lives to meet disappointments after disappointments in hopes of reaching the unattainable... either of the 2...somehow i wish i genuinely believed in it...
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Mar 9, 2010 23:57:43 GMT -5
Is it too unreasonable to wait/hope/long for a love like this? Too idealistic? Too unattainable? Is this just another vomit inducing fairy tale? i hope not .fairytale,maybe,but vomit inducing,no.
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Post by purpletrapezoid on Mar 10, 2010 0:20:22 GMT -5
i cried when i saw this very part! was on the plane when i watched UP... I watched it on a plane too, but I hated that movie. It's too sad.
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Post by FreckleFoot on Mar 14, 2010 3:35:47 GMT -5
I don't think it's unrealistic at all. I do think, though, that you don't wait around for a love like that to drop in your lap. I think you have to start with a relationship and then give. If you picked the right partner and they also know that giving is the secret to that kind of romance, then you're home free. Took the words right out of my mouth.
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palavore
Full Member
I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold posts.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Posts: 298
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Post by palavore on Mar 16, 2010 9:53:51 GMT -5
The longest lasting relationships look quite boring. It's the first stages of love, infatuation, that are idealized and replayed--sometimes creating unrealistic expectations that destroy otherwise healthy relationships. Usually, the more fireworks you see in the beginning, the less there are for the end of the show. It's quite a disappointing show because you know how fake it is and soon you'll be leaving your seats.
Love like brain chemistry changes over time. You are probably feeling something completely different watching their relationship from what they might be feeling within that relationship. Youthful hearts are so enamored by their own pain.
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tbw
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Post by tbw on Mar 19, 2010 16:26:40 GMT -5
Really you are getting down to what makes a long relationship: Trust, devotion, caring, comfort with being with the other person, common/mutual goals, aspirations and dreams.
The short from the movie was touching on these points and their love was a combination of all these. They both knew their means and didn't try to live beyond them. It was not unrealistic at all. But putts is right - if you want a love like that, you really have to search for it and give without expecting in return.
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Post by rob on Mar 19, 2010 20:41:19 GMT -5
Some excellent points and well taken.
If any of you have a relationship like that, (or have the makings of one), count your blessings and lucky stars. I've seen so much filth that I can't help but think it idealistic or delusional.
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missa
New Member
One Eye Blind, and One All Seeing Eye
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Post by missa on Mar 20, 2010 6:16:44 GMT -5
I think it's possible... but I've never seen it, and never experienced it. I know how, and I had put the effort in it too, but whatever effort happened to be useless when the other side just don't want to make the effort or don't even realize that effort is needed. Starting a relationship is easy for me, giving affection is also easy, but giving a heart or finding that compatibility that says I'm genetically, socially, n cognitively (etc etc) compatible n meant to be with the person... pffff... Nope, I guess in my almost perfect life, this is one thing I can't have... Not that I don't believe in it and won't search for it, but it's just too rare that it's really time n energy consuming (at least for me). To be honest, I'd prefer someone who doesn't love me right now n understands that I don't, n we fit each other's criteria to breed, live together without annoying one another, to share adventures with within the same vision of living life, in short, I prefer having a best-friend kind of trophy husband that treats me the same way. (Yeah, I kinda already lost my heart... I think my last ex already burned the broken remnants, 'accidentally' or not, n *whoops... the wind kinda hv blown everything away ) That being said, I do think it's not 'too' idealistic to long for a love like that that we know of from fairytales and such, just idealistic, and a 0.000000...1% of hope is still called hope nonetheless. It's normal to long for it, but the real question is what u're gonna do with that longing of urs. The focus is on the solution, not the problem.
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Post by FreckleFoot on Mar 20, 2010 8:28:37 GMT -5
A lot of the time it is the first stages of a relationship and that head-over-heels feeling of falling in love that is idealised by the media. Some people end up believing that love will always be this way and that does lead to disappointment and the end of perfectly good relationships. Infatuation love might last in the beginning of a relationship for a few months to a year (which is why some call it the 'honeymoon phase'), but it will always develop into companionship love. I can appreciate very young people still dreaming about a knight in shining armour (or a pasty vampire...) coming to whisk them away, but I would expect adults to have also paid attention to their parents, uncles and aunts, grandparents and friends, and to have gathered from their experiences that love doesn't work that way. Also, that even if companionship love may not give you as many butterflies in your stomach, having a companion to share your life with is still something worth working towards.
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Post by Ganbare! on Mar 20, 2010 15:01:16 GMT -5
@ff, you perfectly summed it up, with time love for a person evolves into companionship or simply fades away. How could it be any different? Just like drugs the brain gets used to the feeling, the passion decreasing as time goes by, it needs a more intense/different stimuli to become 'high on love' again.
Ever thought of getting in the relationship counseling business lol?
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missa
New Member
One Eye Blind, and One All Seeing Eye
Posts: 20
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Post by missa on Mar 20, 2010 23:31:11 GMT -5
I can only come up with two names so far to look for a reference to about this... Robert Sternberg, and Helen Fisher... Wait... Osho kinda shows up in my mind too...
Neeways, I don't wanna hog up with a long explanation... but it's possible. Nothing is impossible, but it takes some godliness if I should say it in an extreme way, to achieve the truest form of love.
Unless u're a perfectionist, Companionate Love should be enough. As u grow old, a good conversation will be ur best friend to live thru day by day.
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Post by FreckleFoot on Mar 24, 2010 4:26:14 GMT -5
Ganbare! - LOL, I think I would need to go back to university to get a psychology degree first!
I have that companionship love right now, though due to my husband's frequent travel for work, we both still get to experience that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling before we see each other again. It seems strange that, after so many years, we can still get so ridiculously excited about being together again.
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Post by ahliang on Mar 27, 2010 21:52:33 GMT -5
^that s so heartwarming to hear! i must say i didn t even know that was possible...of course i would understand why a couple would get excited at the thought of reuniting but the way you say it...given that it s been a while that you ve been together and that you still experience the butterflies...wow...i envy what you have somewhat.... You are probably feeling something completely different watching their relationship from what they might be feeling within that relationship. ^ my point exactly... a story i wanted to share that has been bothering me for the past month: i know this person in his 70s...he s a very devout christian and i couldn t respect him more...he s incredibly kind and generous and helpful...i couldn t praise him enough... i thought he had the perfect life...he s very involved hospice and charity work...he s married and i thought he had a perfect marriage...after all what could i expect from a man like him? turns out he doesn t...lately he s been confiding in me about his marriage problems...saying that he regrets marrying his wife, and telling me about his first love and how harmonious his relationship was with her...how he should have married her instead...he paints me this idealised picture of his first love, saying they NEVER fought in the 5 years they were together (i have a hard time believing this for some reason...anyone thinks it s actually possible?) and telling me about his wife s negativity...but then when i question him a little further...i start to understand his wife!!! and i wonder....how could he be so ignorant about this and how could he not understand her or how could he not "respect" her for that? i won t go into all the details but his reasons for not loving his wife or "trusting/respecting" her as he would say are the stupidest reasons he could give and i feel like he s just making excuses and looking at an idealised past wishing he would have married his first love...i asked him if he doesn t wonder if him marrying his first love would not have ultimately led to a similar relationship that he now has with his wife...he tells me about how harmonious they were and insinuates how it would have led to a perfect marriage... so i thought he had the perfect marriage...he obviously doesn t...and it somehow reinforces my jaded idea that ultimately, either a man will end up cheating on his wife (or vice versa) or he ll end up neglecting her looking at other girls...which is exactly what he s doing...he s giving me those bollocks ladden excuses as reasons that keep him from being close to his wife, all the while looking at an idealised picture of a past love. i really could not respect a person more...but lately, i thought...maybe he s not the "angel" i thought he was...i had this pristine image of him as a perfect man...ridiculously kind, ridiculously wise...but when it comes to talking about his wife...he s no longer the wise old reverend i look up to (despite me not being protestant...)...he s just...your regular husband...human... i must say, this has really been troubling me...
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