Post by rob on Mar 29, 2010 10:13:34 GMT -5
i know this person in his 70s...he s a very devout christian and i couldn t respect him more...he s incredibly kind and generous and helpful...i couldn t praise him enough...
i thought he had the perfect life...he s very involved hospice and charity work...he s married and i thought he had a perfect marriage...after all what could i expect from a man like him?
turns out he doesn t...lately he s been confiding in me about his marriage problems...saying that he regrets marrying his wife, and telling me about his first love and how harmonious his relationship was with her...how he should have married her instead...he paints me this idealised picture of his first love, saying they NEVER fought in the 5 years they were together (i have a hard time believing this for some reason...anyone thinks it s actually possible?) and telling me about his wife s negativity...but then when i question him a little further...i start to understand his wife!!! and i wonder....how could he be so ignorant about this and how could he not understand her or how could he not "respect" her for that?
i won t go into all the details but his reasons for not loving his wife or "trusting/respecting" her as he would say are the stupidest reasons he could give and i feel like he s just making excuses and looking at an idealised past wishing he would have married his first love...i asked him if he doesn t wonder if him marrying his first love would not have ultimately led to a similar relationship that he now has with his wife...he tells me about how harmonious they were and insinuates how it would have led to a perfect marriage...
so i thought he had the perfect marriage...he obviously doesn t...and it somehow reinforces my jaded idea that ultimately, either a man will end up cheating on his wife (or vice versa) or he ll end up neglecting her looking at other girls...which is exactly what he s doing...he s giving me those bollocks ladden excuses as reasons that keep him from being close to his wife, all the while looking at an idealised picture of a past love.
i really could not respect a person more...but lately, i thought...maybe he s not the "angel" i thought he was...i had this pristine image of him as a perfect man...ridiculously kind, ridiculously wise...but when it comes to talking about his wife...he s no longer the wise old reverend i look up to (despite me not being protestant...)...he s just...your regular husband...human...
i must say, this has really been troubling me...
Why is this so troubling? You said you didn't believe in the fairy tale to begin with. And his admission is more an indictment of their relationship than of him as a person. For all we know, he could be a living martyr ..... having persevered in a relationship of mild contentment (but not bliss) for the sake of her security or their children. You decry his weakness, however here I see a constancy, one that is quite sad and possibly quite admirable.
.... if you're troubled, it's because deep-down, despite whatever you've told us here and what you tell your friends, you still believe in the fairy tale and you still hang to a thread of hope.