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Post by Ganbare! on Mar 15, 2010 21:01:14 GMT -5
According to several studies having children decreases life satisfaction. Do you want any? Why? Do you agree with that? parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/01/why-does-anyone-have-children/I have mixed feelings towards the idea, for me it all boils down to independence vs more love I'm not taking the retirement criteria into account considering that the overwhelming majority of 20XX kids won't take care of their aging parents for sure. Also, fitting the norm is somewhat alienating, not that normality has really defined my existence so far. Anyways, I hope when the times come I won't let my partner decide for the both of us. |
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tbw
Full Member
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Post by tbw on Mar 16, 2010 6:20:54 GMT -5
I don't care what the norms are, I want kids! About the article - it comes down to what gives you satisfaction in life. For some people I know it is their kids that make them enjoy and appreciate life. People don't always like the love, time or money of their partner being shared with another. Children require time, love, money and attention. Even when knowing a partner is just caring for the child, they know that all the time, love, money and attention of their partner was theirs before the child. (Not that they don't care for the child too, just that they see what it was like before and after and wish that they could have both.) As for me, my satisfaction comes from my family and the bonds I share with them (no matter how annoying they can get at times!) Having kids will be new bonds. I'm happy now and I know I will be happy in the future after kids!  |
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Post by FreckleFoot on Mar 17, 2010 4:47:19 GMT -5
At the moment I do not want any children and neither does my husband. When I was a kid and we were asked in school where we imagine ourselves to be 20 years in the future, everyone would always mention they would have kids. At one point I really thought about why I agreed and realised it was only because everyone else did. Did I really want children? I disliked most other kids even when I was one. I never actually gave much thought to what it would be like to have a child. I wasn't all that interested and I still am not.
I cannot say for sure if having children decreases life satisfaction, but I can say that there are many things I can think of that would decrease my life satisfaction if I had a child.
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palavore
Full Member
I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold posts.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Post by palavore on Mar 17, 2010 6:09:42 GMT -5
^ I thought you already had a child???
edit: Sorry, I confused you with pocky monster.
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Post by catgirl on Mar 19, 2010 11:24:31 GMT -5
Ive heard that many people say that after they had their first child they finally understood what the meaning of life was and what they are living for. But on the other hand, I can understand that this might be true for people who have kids before they are functionally and emotionally ready. Like having them far too young like around 15-18 or so, because they might miss out on their youth and education etc. There was some study I read about that said that single mothers usually remain poor for most of their lives because of having a child so early, so they dont get to catch up on the others. I definately want kids, but I will wait a few years. Maybe 30s? Thats when my mum had me at least ;D I know that some doctors warn women about having kids "that late". But I want to find out a few things in my life and preferablu finish my education or close to finishing it when I have my first child , IF I can have a child that is. We cant take it fro granted either  |
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Post by TeeHee on Mar 23, 2010 0:13:05 GMT -5
But on the other hand, I can understand that this might be true for people who have kids before they are functionally and emotionally ready. Like having them far too young like around 15-18 or so, because they might miss out on their youth and education etc. There was some study I read about that said that single mothers usually remain poor for most of their lives because of having a child so early, so they dont get to catch up on the others. My bf's mom is in that same exact predicament. She was pregnant at 17 with his oldest brother, and has been poor all her/their lives. It didn't exactly help that their father is a bum and owes her over $50,000 in child support, but that's a whole nother story. As a result, bf is often bogged down trying to pick up the slack. I hear all the time about those warnings, and understand the concerns. However, being that many of my older female relatives(from both sides) started having kids in their 30's, I just always felt that having kids in that same age range was perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. Heck, my paternal grandma was in her mid 50's when she had my youngest uncle; granted, I don't plan to have any kids when I'm in my 50's, but she and my uncle are a reminder of that possibility. I'm in my mid/late 20's and still don't feel any sort of rush for having kids. Given my family history, I can see myself being able to have kids biologically at a relatively older age; but if I try but can't, then I'll adopt. I was one of those kids who hated the idea of having children and in my teens, I swore I would never get married or have any children. Now I can't imagine not having kids at some point later on, whether they're biologically mine or not. Funny how that turns out. |
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Post by betahat on Apr 10, 2010 3:43:02 GMT -5
I don't really like little kids. They seem kind of boring and like a lot of work - we share almost none of the same interests (though kids movies have gotten much more watchable over the years), they have lots of needs (and give little in return), are the cause of constant worry, and don't have a lot of interesting things to say. On the other hand, I do like the idea of having older kids I definitely like the idea of having adult children in my golden years. I see the pleasure my parents get out of having us around - pride in our accomplishments, enjoyment of our company, etc. - and I definitely want that in my life, especially since I'm not a big career person and will be needing stuff to do when I (hopefully) stop working before I get too old to be utterly useless.
For me, it amounts to some sacrifice (of money, time, and freedom) in the short-run for a big payoff down the road. It's not entirely my choice - I love my wife and will give her all the kids she wants - but I think that if it were I would still want a couple of kids, maybe because I'm a reasonably patient person. I think it will happen sooner than later, but not for a couple of years until we get real jobs and settle down.
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Post by Ganbare! on Apr 10, 2010 9:42:09 GMT -5
No way, little kids are the best, sure they're a lot of work but nothing is more endearing than seeing their cute faces lighten up for Father's/Mother's day when they bring you the ugly drawing they did at school. One of the few reasons I'd want to have kids is to play games, to be even more sneaky than them!
My secret fantasy is to disguise my kid as jigglypuff, take pics and when he or she brings home their first gf/bf, the pic mysteriously turns up, hahaha... Children becoming adults can be a real disappointment, who's to say if they'll not be P.I.M.P.S or drug addicts?
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Post by xandra on Apr 11, 2010 0:33:21 GMT -5
I've always figured I would have kids, and I quite like them, but now that I'm approaching the age where it's socially accepted and expected for me to start popping them out the idea scares the crap out of me. I don't feel responsible and mature enough to take care of a helpless dependent 24-7. And I've watched enough reality tv shows depicting pregnancy, labour, and child rearing not to delude myself into thinking it isn't painful, as well as physically and emotionally demanding.
But having said that, my mom has started hinting heavily that she wants grandchildren, so hopefully I'll be ready by my early 30's.
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Post by betahat on Apr 11, 2010 15:50:16 GMT -5
^ little kids are the best, sure they're a lot of work but nothing is more endearing than seeing their cute faces lighten up for Father's/Mother's day when they bring you the ugly drawing they did at school.
Little kids are fun in short spurts - that's why the most fun little kids are those that belong to others, and why grand-parents adore little kids. Good luck getting them to take care of them full time. I guess some people like the idea of having someone totally dependent on them, of having complete responsibility. I prefer to relate to people more as equals, but to each his own. Maybe the cuteness factor doesn't work on me to the same extent, or maybe I just need a little me to see it?
But seriously, do you have to pretend that the ugly drawing is really nice? I'm all about positive reinforcement and making kids believe that they're the greatest - got a lot of that from my parents - but part of the reason parents do that is they feel a responsibility to do it (and the other part is "because I made that"). With older children and young adults, when you tell them that what they did is great you can be honest with both your head and your heart. As for "Children becoming adults can be a real disappointment," well little kids can be terrors too. They don't all start out wonderful and innocent - and some of the bad ones mellow out later in life. Rebellious children and teenagers present different problems, but I'm not sure those of teenagers are automatically worse and harder to deal with.
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Post by Ganbare! on Apr 12, 2010 2:23:41 GMT -5
Betahat: Unlike boomers' time, the era of Western industrialized nations we grew up in was all about encouraging children to be who they are, to live for none other than themselves, to be confident they can make it and I'm greatful for that because self-confidence is the root of progress and innovation.
I did compare growing up in France and Canada and while they're both advanced Western countries they greatly differed, children are more empowered in NA, they are less expected to conform, more free to develop they're own projects/creativity. In Europe, children are subjected to their parents' authority much more. 10-yo Tommy ordering burgers at a fast food joint with his friends, his younger sister eating in front of TV while mom and dad are at the family table is virtually non-existent there. Some might argue that it's a good thing but I think the freedom of choice is more important, we already live in a hyperlegal environment, we don't need families to control every aspects of our lives.
A simple example to illustrate this. Children are allowed in restaurants without their parents in Canada but not in France, NA school let kids blossom in sports, plays or arts, there's a lesser emphasis on academic subjects. Like their Japanese counterparts French kids take school seriously, the pressure to succeed is tremendous there, school starts at 8:30 am and ends at 5:30 pm (that's two hours later than the schools I attended in Canada). Philosophy and geopolitics classes are compulsory in senior high hence why French baccalaureate equals 30-credits advanced placement in US colleges, it's just more rigorous than high school curriculum but it comes at the expense of kids' well-being and self-expression.
Where I'm getting here is that the positive reinforcement/carefreeness you experienced as a child is far from universal. Everyday, third-world countries children are denied of their individuality, they're victims of social/physical violence, they're afraid of the lack of opportunities awaiting them, they are in many regions only good for war/forced labour/sex and that deeply saddens me. That's why I believe it's imperative to encourage children no matter what.
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Post by Ganbare! on Apr 12, 2010 5:58:12 GMT -5
On a side note, tv shows like 'Are you smarter than a 5th grader?' are doomed to fail in such countries as Singapore, Japan or France because their secondary education systems are just too complete. The overwhelming majority of adults there have a decent cultural baggage, the same cannot be said about the US/CA for instance.
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Yingy
Junior Member
Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
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Post by Yingy on Apr 12, 2010 17:22:16 GMT -5
What are you talking about they look super happy! www.duggarfamily.com/Everyone should at least have 20! I got one out 19 more to go. Maybe the heavens love me but I have a really easy child. I didn't have a hard time raising him at all. I'm sure all the other parents I've met over the years hate me ;D Children are a reflection of their parents. If the kid acts like Damien it's because his father is Satan. |
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Post by FreckleFoot on May 7, 2010 9:35:37 GMT -5
'Children are a reflection of their parents. If the kid acts like Damien it's because his father is Satan.'
^ I have seen many times that good parents have had bad children and vice versa. There are more than just parents to influence a child.
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