Is cheating ok?

[Ganbare!]

Would you leave your partner if he/she cheated on you? Should people abandon such idealistic morals in favor of pragmatic solutions considering our innate lust ?

[FreckleFoot]

It would depend on the different circumstances and how far they went when they cheated. e.g. If a married couple no longer loves each other but stays together for the children, they may well cheat on one another, but is it really cheating if the love isn't there? If a man/woman gets no sex at all from their partner after getting married, I can understand why they would be drawn to cheating. It can be very damaging. One might start to wonder if their partner really finds them attractive at all or not.

While I think it is perfectly natural to find other people attractive, I do not think it is natural for everyone to be unable to resist pursuing every person they are attracted to. People vary in this aspect. Those who are unable to resist benefit the most from having an agreed open relationship with a partner who feels the same way, rather than entering a relationship with someone that gives and expects 100% commitment. People should be clear about what they want and expect from a relationship in the beginning and to agree upon boundaries that, if crossed, would give good reason to end it. This ensures there are no nasty surprises because one or both made assumptions about the other. Then again, there are those that see no problem with having multiple affairs, but become enraged if their long-term partner does the same.

[tbw]

For me I have always thought: There are temptations, but why ruin my future happiness with my partner for a moment of lust. And then I realise how I would feel if the situations were reversed. So no, cheating is not ok for me. I would leave - it would be easier to trust a stranger than a partner who has cheated.

I don't agree with cheating being 'acceptable' in varying situations. Emotional or physical cheating is the same - you end up feeling unwanted, unloved and questioning yourself. If there is no feelings for your partner any more, then leave the relationship - it may cost you alot financially and/or emotionally, but wouldn't you both be better off in any case? Bridges don't need to be burnt when ending a relationship either, but cheating on a partner can sure pour napalm on a bridge.

I do agree with FreckleFoot on the communication to your partner about what makes up your relationship. Some people are ok with an open relationship where they are free to swing around. The opposite would be the 100% commitment to each other from both parties and they are happy with that. If there is no communication with a partner about this (and all other issues) then the relationship will have issues here and there anyway and cheating would probably be a catalyst for bridge burning.

[FreckleFoot]

I agree with tbw that leaving is still a much better option than cheating. I should know because my mother cheated. When they continued to pretend everything was fine and dandy for our sake, it simply felt incredibly fake, depressing and infuriating. I think it would have been far easier to accept an agreement to separate rather than such a betrayal. Still, I think my father still loved my mother and couldn't do anything other than forgive her.

[Ganbare!]

Like you said communication is crucial, sex is often as important as love if not more in certain couples. My understanding is that some people see open relationships as a pragmatic way not to cheat on their partner therefore having some sort of stability while still experiencing diverse encounters but personally I find it disgusting to share physically or emotionally a person.

I'm willing to make a sacrifice if she is as well as long as we're completly satisfied to be together even if it involves managing the distance. I find myself stupidly grinning as I'm writing this, part of the reason I came to NY was to be closer. Ultimately, faithfulness appears as the best decision costs/benefits-wise no matter how unnatural the whole concept sounds.

[One Eye]

Every relationship is different and poses different problems. Cheating is generally not ever as simple as people like to make it out as. Once a cheater, always a cheater...my ass. For myself though, I would never stay with someone who cheated on me. I think that when it comes down to it, at that point there would likely be so many underlying relationship problems that the cheating would be the last straw.

[Ganbare!]

It really depends on the reason the person cheated, it's a different problem if it's because of sexual unsatisfaction or if it's due to a love issue. If kids or financial stakes are involved, it complexifies the issue of breaking up/divorcing.


How do you think culture shapes your outlook on infidelity?


I used to be ok with the concept, it's not a big deal in France, I hear it's the same in Japan, having a mistress/lover is pretty much socially accepted and I have friends whose parents are in this case but as I'm growing older I've come to realize, it saddens most people, I don't want to be another fag*ot.

[jtburge]

hmmm, i dunno lol, this is a tough one, I know most couples don't go 10 years w/o cheating, some do.. it seems like if there is cheating there is a problem, but is that always the case?? can one love someone and cheat at the same time>

[Ganbare!]

Mar 26, 2010 6:33:34 GMT -5 tbw said:

For me I have always thought: There are temptations, but why ruin my future happiness with my partner for a moment of lust. And then I realise how I would feel if the situations were reversed. So no, cheating is not ok for me. I would leave - it would be easier to trust a stranger than a partner who has cheated.

It really is frustrating to see all those hot chicks throw themselves when you are living a long-distance relationship but in the end it will probably never be serious, just two people using each other for sex. The shortage of men in NYC is crazy, unlike anything I've ever seen. Like you said beyond moral values or guilt, what makes me think twice is happiness, I am not willing to take the risk to lose it for a fling.

Sometimes it is painful to be too serious...

[volume]

Open Relationship.

Exclusive Relationship.


There is a difference.

It's all open until the exclusiveness has been laid down (i.e "Wanna be my girlfriend?"), then going out and shagging the next girl is a no-no. if that hasn't happened, feel free to fvck anyone and not give a damn about it cause the other person shouldn't cause they are too p**** to be open about their feelings.

[conorsoccr23]

1st time id let go but 2nd time hell no but ya i guess it depends on the circumstances

[FedEx]

Though I am unwise when it comes to relationships, I wager the following: a relationship built on trust, love and communication will be the most structurally sound of all.

Love may come and go, but the flame can be rekindled.
Communication may come and go, but the lines can be fixed.

Trust, however, is a binding contract. It begins the moment two people come together in an exclusive relationship, and it increases in value with each passing swing. When trust is violated (i.e. through an act of cheating), the contract is broken. Sure, the cracks can be mended and papered over, some structural engineer can be brought in and paid vast sums of money to give the foundation of "trust, love and communication" an all clear, but the history of the violation will always remain. And at some point it will seep through the walls.

I don't believe in the adage "once a cheater always a cheater"... people are only human and they make mistakes. But I do believe that, so far as a relationship is concerned, once the trust is gone, it's gone.

[betahat]

^A little cheating can't hurt anyone especially if you've just failed at 50+ attempts to kill that final boss in Resident Evil.

Does saving and reloading count as cheating in Civilization or RPGs?

[Ganbare!]

^Retro games are hard. I had to abuse save states in Zelda 3 on a SNES emulator to beat it, if I had played the real thing I would've failed for eternity.

[penguinopolipitese]

I never believed in cheating. I wouldn't do it, wouldn't put up with it and wouldn't want anything to do with someone who did. Weirdly a lot of womanizers in my family. I'm the freak I guess...