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Post by Ganbare! on May 2, 2010 1:38:07 GMT -5
Before I met my girlfriend's parents she was quite anxious, strangely not because I'm EA but simply because I was not involved in the legal field! Her mom is a lawyer and her dad is a Judge, she's herself a bar school student in other words they take their future son-in-law's job very seriously. Our first dinner was tensed because I stupidly mentioned I dropped out of the capital's law school, wrong move as it was precisely the university they had graduated from.
Anway, since then, they have grown to appreciate me for who I am, I think that liking to cook, football and communicating with hand gestures naturally proved we had more in common than they first thought. Pretty typical of Italian families, hard on the outside but soft on the inside when you penetrated their defenses and gained their respect (kind of similar to Asian families in general).
What is your relationship with your in-laws? Is race involved in it?
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Post by Ganbare! on Jun 7, 2010 9:35:14 GMT -5
I guess few members are in this delicate stage of serious relationships.
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tbw
Full Member
Posts: 332
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Post by tbw on Jun 9, 2010 3:00:40 GMT -5
When my future in-laws (Asian) were meeting me for the first time they only knew that I was Australian, so I think they were expecting a loud-mouthed-burly-rude-tattooed guy! It was nice to know that at least I didn't meet any of those expectations.
I know they think I am a bit 'green' in the world, but they are very accepting of me as I am the son they never had (out of all their family - all the aunts/uncles have only had daughters with only one couple having one boy.) My father in-law now calls on me and talk to me about things, where he used to communicate with my fiancée alot more; now my fiancée feels a bit left out!
Its lucky that the values of my in-laws are similar to that of my family and so compatibility was fairly easy when both sets of parents met (aside from the standoffish nature at the beginning!)
Race does play a part in being Eurasian marrying into an Asian family. But lucky for me, I know the traditions, how to act and what to do when it comes to family, friends. A minor barrier is language, but english is spoken predominately with them, so its ok.
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Post by FreckleFoot on Jun 9, 2010 6:56:26 GMT -5
My in-laws were not too happy at first when they heard my husband was thinking of dating a half Asian. The reaction was something to the effect of: 'Oh no, not another one!' His Asian and half Asian exes had treated him terribly, so they believed all Asians and half Asians were evil.
Once they met me, this changed and it is clear they like me. Though there have been a number of incidents where I am shocked by their ignorance in some areas, or I've experienced strange behaviour that comes across as borderline racist. I don't like thinking it is possible they are a bit racist because they clearly accept me and like me a lot, but there's no denying there are signs. For example, avoiding meeting my Asian father and trying to convince themselves I don't look Asian at all. It's very confusing and can be painful.
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Post by FreckleFoot on Jun 15, 2010 2:42:22 GMT -5
My in-laws were not too happy at first when they heard my husband was thinking of dating a half Asian. The reaction was something to the effect of: 'Oh no, not another one!' His Asian and half Asian exes had treated him terribly, so they believed all Asians and half Asians were evil. Why do I sense Asianphile? He has dated white women before, which is why I said 'his Asian and half Asian exes' instead of just 'his exes'. Though I guess that wasn't very clear. Edit - I actually want to bring something up after this. Why is it always assumed that when someone of X race consistently dates people of Y race, there is something fetishistic, sick and wrong about it? If X race dated only X race, no one would say a word. In fact, it's all right to prefer blondes (that are actually typically white and dating whites all the time is fine and dandy), but liking a look that is more typical of a race other than white is revolting and means you are mentally ill? Where did this come from? Why is it assumed that the man/woman only likes them because they have some weird obsession with their culture and customs and no longer see their date as a person? |
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quiapo
Junior Member
Posts: 188
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Post by quiapo on Jul 19, 2010 3:15:26 GMT -5
Relationships with in=laws of any culture are a potential source of stress, hence the many mother-in-law jokes that are almost universal. In my experience, the differences in culture do add to the tensions, and the relationships are always a work in progress. Tensions can be from the mundane: "you dont prepare the food we like when we come over" to the dramatic, such as when I try to address our grandson in one of my languages: "He's just talking rubbish to confuse you".
Sometimes the most you can hope for is an uneasy truce.
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