|
|
Post by FreckleFoot on May 16, 2010 5:10:52 GMT -5
People always believe it can't be a bad thing if people assume you're weaker than you are because you will always surprise and impress them, but what if this causes people to ignore you when something is really wrong? Do people assume you are weak? Why? Have you had any negative experiences due to society's assumptions of you? Have you been able to change what others assume about you? How?
People in general have always assumed me to be far weaker than I am (I guess many see me as small and cute-looking and therefore weak) and it has caused me many problems because they always thought I was whining over nothing when complaining about something being wrong. It was either that, or they expected me to burst into tears and wail when something was really serious. During my childhood I had many of these problems. After saying I felt sick, I was told my mouth was only watering because I was hungry... before I ended up spewing vomit all over the table. I was told to 'put up with the pain because that's what retainers are supposed to do when they move your teeth' only to end up in the emergency room that evening because the metal had pierced my gum and become lodged in my mouth. I was even forced by classmates and teachers to walk on an ankle with torn ligaments because no one believed I was in pain. It had already been established I must be weak because of how I looked, therefore I must be whining over nothing if I'm not curled up on the floor in a puddle of tears.
This issue still follows me today. A more recent example would be when I was told by a doctor very condescendingly that, 'everyone experiences aches and pains: you're just having a panic attack and overreacting'... only to discover with a more understanding doctor that I had a tumour.
|
|
palavore
Full Member
I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold posts.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Posts: 298
|
Post by palavore on May 16, 2010 13:34:41 GMT -5
Parents usually raise their smaller children to be more assertive. My experience is that small people are powder kegs and large people can be gentle giants.
Anywho, CEO's "suffer" from the same assumptions. According to a Forbes Magazine article, baby-faced CEO's on average receive less compensation regardless of their performance. The management style of these CEO's suggests that their personalities are contrary to perception--they don't hit with kid gloves. And this makes sense. They have to compensate for appearances if they are going to claw their way to the top. Maybe a contrary appearance was really to their benefit.
Maybe it has also been to your benefit--as opposed to being large, ugly, feared, or overly relied upon by everyone else. As for people not wanting to help or sympathize, they'll use the opposite excuse in the same situation. Either your delicacy overrates the slightest discomfort or as a strong person you ought to be the one to endure it.
|
|
monroe
Junior Member
Fastidious Grunge Lover - a study in contrasts
Posts: 152
|
Post by monroe on May 17, 2010 1:55:27 GMT -5
To be honest, what I got out of the OP was that you're letting people walk all over you. By all means, be reasonable, but stick up for yourself (be confident, calm and assertive).
Also, spraining things is awesome. My two favorite parts are the first time you bend something after it's been sprained and get to feel the blood rush out and that discomfort (I wouldn't really call it pain, because sprains don't really hurt) when using or stretching said sprain.
That aside, I have had people assume I'm weak because of my thin frame. That's fine with me, I have nothing to prove. Unless I'm being evaluated, in that case I'll do my best to dispel those beliefs.
|
|
|
|
Post by FreckleFoot on May 17, 2010 2:30:59 GMT -5
I wish I was in such a rich and powerful position as a CEO that this wouldn't be such a problem, but the truth is it holds me back. I do not know how to turn it into a positive attribute unless I become a ruthless bitch, but I don't think I have that in me.
It's difficult to stand up to people when they don't listen to you no matter how much you go on about something. In most of those experiences I was a child and teachers were the ones brushing my complaints off. You were always supposed to 'do what the teacher tells you'. There was not much that could be done to be heard there.
Currently, I have to admit that I have difficulty being calm, confident and assertive when I feel I am in conflict with anyone and my body reacts in a way that makes it impossible to appear confident or calm when being assertive. (Possibly because of all the times it has simply been ignored as nothing, or even laughed at.) I do not know what I can do to overcome that and I can't afford a psychologist. The only possibility I can think of that might work is neuro-linguistic programming.
I realise I wrote the wrong thing when I said 'sprained'. That was actually the one time I tore ligaments.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ganbare! on May 17, 2010 2:45:58 GMT -5
I don't know what we can advise you to do, your physical appareance doesn't seem to play in your favor nor do you sound overly confident either. I've met some short, harmless-looking people that would make anyone poop their pants, I don't know if they achieved that naturally or through hard work. That said I don't think anything is impossible considering the number of resources about self-confidence these days, self-psychoanalysis is accessible to most people.
|
|
|
|
Post by betahat on May 17, 2010 2:57:22 GMT -5
Well, it really sucks that people don't believe you when you're sick. You have to know your own body. My wife is a bit like you - she often comes down with symptoms of things and people around her (including me) usually downplay it because she's a bit of a hypochondriac. But sometimes she's totally right, and has had to make end-runs around doctors who didn't believe her until she found someone competent enough to make the right diagnosis and give her the right treatment.
I don't think I would be too annoyed if someone assumed I couldn't open a jam jar or lift a piano, but if they told me to suck it up when I felt like I was on death's door I would tell them to shove it. I imagine women probably get this more than men because women are very open about talking about their bodies and aches and pains while men are told to suck it up - as a result men are much more likely to die of preventible causes, but women are more likely to get judged as hysterical. Doesn't seem like such a bad tradeoff from the viewpoint of women in general, does it?
|
|
|
|
Post by FreckleFoot on May 17, 2010 4:48:18 GMT -5
I guess I should investigate what the best option is for building confidence and rewiring my body's reaction in such situations then.
I'm quite the opposite. I will rarely complain unless I feel something's very wrong. I might mention I feel like I might be getting a cold, for example, but I won't complain about it unless I start to feel so terrible I don't think I can manage as normal.
I think this 'suck it up' attitude society expects men to have is a very negative thing. It is painful to watch male family members and friends trying to grin and bear it when they should have been to the doctor ages ago. In fact, a male friend of ours has been hospitalised recently because he didn't go to the doctor until it developed into something far more serious... I wonder if this has any correlation with men tending to die earlier than women?
|
|
palavore
Full Member
I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold posts.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Posts: 298
|
Post by palavore on May 17, 2010 13:57:10 GMT -5
I guess I should investigate what the best option is for building confidence and rewiring my body's reaction in such situations then. If you are going to go through the trouble to rewiring your body, use the opportunity to add some useful accessories. Nothing fancy, just an old-fashioned Gatling gun:  Nah, men die earlier so that you can look after the grand-kids, while we fool around at the singles bar up in Heaven.  |
|
|
|
Post by FreckleFoot on May 18, 2010 3:58:28 GMT -5
If you are going to go through the trouble to rewiring your body, use the opportunity to add some useful accessories. Nothing fancy, just an old-fashioned Gatling gun That would certainly have people taking me more seriously. Leaving us to die alone with only a bunch of squealing brats for company. Charming. |
|
palavore
Full Member
I put my pants on just like the rest of you -- one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold posts.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Posts: 298
|
Post by palavore on May 18, 2010 17:02:10 GMT -5
^ You might be a little beyond help, if you also let your children push you around. That will drive you insane. |
|
monroe
Junior Member
Fastidious Grunge Lover - a study in contrasts
Posts: 152
|
Post by monroe on May 18, 2010 22:31:40 GMT -5
I think this 'suck it up' attitude society expects men to have is a very negative thing. Whoa, take it easy now. 'Suck it up' is a time-honored tradition |
|
|
|
Post by Ganbare! on May 18, 2010 22:45:59 GMT -5
^ FF is right: Internet boards are useless, we should stop faking stoicness and share our feelings, complain every 5 minutes about pain in parts of the body no one ever suspected the existence and how every female we lay eyes upon has no self-respect like our sistas do!  'Woman is the future of man' L. Aragon Nothing fancy, just an old-fashioned Gatling gun: What she really needs is a psycho cannon, Ghouls 'n Ghosts' final weapon. |
|
danyc
New Member
Posts: 16
|
Post by danyc on May 21, 2010 6:52:12 GMT -5
I am no therapist but I understand what you are talking about. I think if you are still holding on to bad feelings about this stuff it is still affecting your life now and it is something you should relearn how to change your approach in these types of situations. Easier said than done. Analyse what response you want from others, how they really responded and go from there. Lets face it some people just don't want to deal with someone else's issues too.
|
|
