out in public with parent of opposite gender

[Deleted]

I think being EA the one thing that's bothered me more than anything else is people thinking my father,(who I don't resemble at all) is my "sugardaddy"

I don't know if it's because I'm super self conscious but I do notice a lot of dirty looks, giggling and whispering etc .When going to stores or whatnot with my father people have referred to me when speaking to my father as "your girlfriend".The worst is when people make mail order bride comments or ask my father "what country is your girlfriend from?"

It's gotten to the point where I don't want to go out in public with my father at all unless my mother is also there.

How do y'all deal with this. Or do you just not let it get to you?

[toyomansi]

I don't often go somewhere only with my father, and when we do I haven't really noticed what people think. But we look so different that people probably think he is my white stepfather or adoptive father. Luckily our age difference is so big that no one would think he's my 'sugardaddy' (that would be embarrassing lol...).

But I remember once at the mall I was waiting for someone, while a white father and his two EA girls I'm acquainted with stopped and talked to a woman they know. During their conversation, the woman pointed to me and said: "And that must be your wife!" The man smiled and said no, and then she went: "Well then, who's wife is she??" Do I HAVE to be some older man's wife?? Besides, I'm too young to be the mother of the two girls...

[FreckleFoot]

I sometimes wonder if people assume this about my father and I, but he is the East Asian one and people generally see the resemblance. I actually had more issues going out with my husband when I lived in North America. Everyone thought I was much, much younger than I actually was. I tried not to let it get to me, but that's all you can do. If it doesn't work, all that's left is to put up with it and perhaps speak out and defend yourself if people are going too far.

I heard a story from another Eurasian about how she went for a meal with her father (white) and some rude, nosy woman kept staring at them and saying on loud how disgusting it was that her father had an 'Asian fetish'. Eventually she got fed up and said 'He's my dad!' and some other punters congratulated her on shutting the woman up. Calling attention to their behaviour (and showing they made a foolish assumption) is probably a great way of getting them to keep their presumptuous and ignorant thoughts to themselves.

[milkman's baby]

Wow, I am angry enough when people assume my white father adopted me. I can only imagine how I'd react if they assumed I was his wife (well who knows, maybe someone has and I never knew it). I'll admit though, when I'm with both my parents in public, I sometimes wonder what people are thinking about my parents. I wonder if they're thinking the whole poor Asian woman marries rich white American thing. My mom's actually older than my father and she has graying hair, so I guess my dad sorta escaped the old pervy white guy stereotype.

[jefe]

Does no one get asked if they were adopted by their Asian parent?

[monroe]

Hey sillies,

just make sure you're not letting random strangers' perceptions of you create strain within the family. Thing about most strangers is that you never see them again, so it doesn't really matter what they think. That is, don't act like a jackass, but don't be ashamed for doing nothing wrong.

[jefe]

^ I agree and disagree with this statement.

Whereas it is true that you may not encounter that particular random stranger again, and that individual's reaction / perception should not create strain for you, I don't agree that it doesn't matter what they think.

I think a Eurasian / family member of Eurasian has a golden opportunity, if not a duty to educate that person. What has happened has happened, but you can may sure that that person would think twice if they did that again, even to someone else. You might even change that person and who they contact for the rest of their life. And even if you don't, if they have several people educate them, then eventually they will learn.

[monroe]

Fair enough, aye. That's more like what I was trying to convey. Going around without considering others is a bit callous.

Will admit, sometimes when I'm out with my siblings my brother and I do things to embarrass our kid sister. There's enough of an age gap between us and our sister that we're not exactly in the same generation (we were pre-internet and still remember times when playing outside was the cool thing =). Nothing serious or mean, but she doesn't like it too much when we speak Thai in public, especially not in a silly fashion

Mmm, what a tangent.

[Yingy]

I guess if you called him daddy out loud that wouldn't help

My father and I look alike in many ways so it would be odd for people to assume he was my sugar daddy and I don't recall getting odd looks but only once after helping my dad move into his new house did the neighbor stop by to introduce himself and asked me if I was his wife that was really weird because at the time I was probably 19 and I said ewww he's my dad.

Then I saw the neighbors wife was asian so maybe that's why he just assumed but he had two daughters that were half asian so it was such a weird comment.

I guess the best you can do is just ignore the looks and whispers and try to enjoy your fathers company.

[Deleted]

Thanks for the replies everyone

@freckle-foot- wow, that's quite a story, Good for her!I've felt almost compelled to blow up at people a few times.


There was one time I was at the hospital after getting into an accident (I was 14 at the time) and the woman at the front desk was very rude to my father when he was giving her my information (health care card etc) she kept saying "can't she take care of her own card?" "does your girlfriend not speak English?" etc....I was 14 darn it lady!! lol

Once my father told her "she's 14 and she's my daughter!" she was suddenly extremely helpful and polite.

@ toyomansini- wow at "who's wife is she?" Gosh lol

@milkman's baby- Ahh yes, my mother is older than my father as well....but she has her hair dyed bright red so she looks much younger than her true age now while my father looks to be about his true age.

jefe and monroe- I guess it's a good idea to keep a balance between not letting people get under my skin and thus compromising my relationship with my father and also at the same time making an effort to educate people so they don't jump to conclusions about others.

Yingy- lmao yeah, I try to say"father" out loud in public as loud and as often as possible...but I wonder...lol.

and wow, that's really weird, you'd think the father of two Eurasian daughters would know better!

[milkman's baby]

Nov 5, 2010 5:40:55 GMT -5 @nozbee said:

There was one time I was at the hospital after getting into an accident (I was 14 at the time) and the woman at the front desk was very rude to my father when he was giving her my information (health care card etc) she kept saying "can't she take care of her own card?" "does your girlfriend not speak English?" etc....I was 14 darn it lady!! lol

Once my father told her "she's 14 and she's my daughter!" she was suddenly extremely helpful and polite.

Oh god. Although in fairness to that lady, it may not have been race-based. You may have just looked older than your age. I've had white friends who've been mistaken for their fathers' gf/wife before. Still annoying though.

[penguinopolipitese]

Oct 26, 2010 9:06:15 GMT -5 @nozbee said:

I think being EA the one thing that's bothered me more than anything else is people thinking my father,(who I don't resemble at all) is my "sugardaddy"

i thought that

[javen]

Oct 26, 2010 11:55:20 GMT -5 toyomansi said:

I don't often go somewhere only with my father, and when we do I haven't really noticed what people think. But we look so different that people probably think he is my white stepfather or adoptive father. Luckily our age difference is so big that no one would think he's my 'sugardaddy' (that would be embarrassing lol...).

But I remember once at the mall I was waiting for someone, while a white father and his two EA girls I'm acquainted with stopped and talked to a woman they know. During their conversation, the woman pointed to me and said: "And that must be your wife!" The man smiled and said no, and then she went: "Well then, who's wife is she??" Do I HAVE to be some older man's wife?? Besides, I'm too young to be the mother of the two girls...

LOL funny story...u would probably have it worse in Japan or Korea...where foreign wives of local men there r about ur age

16-17 year old SEAsian women married to 30-40 year old NEAsian men

[Deleted]

Dec 5, 2010 13:09:34 GMT -5 penguinopolipitese said:

Oct 26, 2010 9:06:15 GMT -5 @nozbee said:

I think being EA the one thing that's bothered me more than anything else is people thinking my father,(who I don't resemble at all) is my "sugardaddy"

i thought that

that's quite likely lmao

javen aww yikes. I went to Japan a few years back but I did not go with my father

[sim]

Never had a problem with not being seen as my father's daughter despite my dad being fair hair/skinned/blue eyed (I'm med/dark brown/olive/brown and of course half).

They just assume he married someone dark/asian.

However, people often don't think my mum is my mum. She's very dark skinned, and looks like a chinese s/e asian mix of some sort.

I still maintain I look like both of them; I think as a child/early teens I looked more like my mum but now I'm older people always say Iook more like my dad.

My sister on the other hand is the milkman's daughter; she looks nothing like my dad (not a feature in common) so I always wonder about her. As a teen people used to joke she looked old enough to be my mum- and my dad look young enough to be her husband...with my mum as my sister's sister/relative. Understandingly, my sister was not impressed.