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Post by meep on Feb 27, 2008 4:49:55 GMT -5
Yeah, I had extreme beatings by my mother dearest. It would relate to maths homework (which I was really bad at) and her frustrations. One time, she scratched my face, and left a scar when I was in year 3. My year 3 teacher asked me about it, and I told her what happened, and she said that I had a bad mother. Also, in pre school I sat next to this girl who was a little younger than me. Her brother came up to her and said: "Don't sit next to her, Talia, she's an ugly girl!" So she left, and I was sitting all by myself
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Post by halfbreed on Feb 27, 2008 5:08:52 GMT -5
Also, in pre school I sat next to this girl who was a little younger than me. Her brother came up to her and said: "Don't sit next to her, Talia, she's an ugly girl!" So she left, and I was sitting all by myself That guy was an idiot. One day my mum said, "Clean the house." It wasn't a serious order. She was just saying it. Seriously, I was, like, 6. As if I was going to clean the house. Anyway, though I knew it wasn't serious, I said, "No. Dads go to work, kids go to school and MUMS CLEAN THE HOUSE!" Baaad mistake. I got something known as "The Zebra", a life-changing experience indeed. She made me strip down to my underwear and-- oh, hello, cane. We had a guest over. Hah! Like that mattered.
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Post by thekrez on Feb 27, 2008 5:21:02 GMT -5
At least it explains why Asians are so submissive. Extreme childhood beatings tend to eliminate all traces of individuality.
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Post by thekrez on Feb 27, 2008 6:05:16 GMT -5
^ Interesting you say that. Theres a theory that all social relationships, including familial, can be broken down to dominance and submission. There is no other choice.
Sad to see it may apply to parent child as well.
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Post by viruslabrat on Feb 27, 2008 8:47:39 GMT -5
I think the worst childhood experience was when I was 10 and my dad put two of my pet rabbits into a sack and dumped them God knows where because my mother didn't like them. I was hysterical and was going to run out the front door with a baseball bat but my mother grabbed it. For several years after that life was hell. My oldest brother Jon had moved out and joined the Marine Corps and he used to cop most of their s*** but I got the brunt of it later. Kinda resented him in a way for a while because if he were there he would've done something to help me and he was free of all that crap while I was still stuck. My other brother managed to fly under the radar most of the time. Yeah, I got a lot of the same crap mentioned already in this thread - smacked around, constantly referred to as a "bitch" from the age of 10, shoved into walls, choked, hair pulled, things trashed, book thrown at my face etc. Got so bad I planned to kill myself as a birthday present when I turned 13 but lost my nerve. Had the pills and everything. Having a dad who used to be a Marine Corps drill sergeant sucks ass. (I vowed to stay away from guys in uniform but my last boyfriend was a cop and a former sailor, still an alright guy though). My mother was an emotional psychotic freak who loved to manipulate me and my Dad to pit each of us against each other according to who she wanted on her side at the time. I remember when I was 4 and she chased me around the house with a meat cleaver then put my feet on a chopping board because I dared to walk around in the backyard without my shoes on. I find it kinda funny now but I was scared out of my wits and bawling my eyes out at the time, as you would do when you're 4 years old. Good to know that a lot of others here had similar crappy childhoods.
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Post by ChickenSoda on Feb 27, 2008 16:03:03 GMT -5
This one time when I was 5 or 6, my grandfather got a new job. He came home and was all "I made 80 dollars today". I didn't really mean anything by it, it was just the kind of thing that I probably heard on TV, but I said "Too bad he won't share it with the rest of us". He kind of took it to heart, and I felt really bad about it. I still feel really bad if I think about it. I actually found it kind of difficult to type that.
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When I was 4 or 5, maybe 3, the UPS guy came. I opened up the door, and the dog ran out. For some reason, in my memory, she got hit by a car and died. My mom insists that that never happened, and that she just found the dog dead one day. Maybe this was just a really vivid dream.
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I felt bad about this one at the moment, but in retrospect, it was probably one the best things that I ever did for myself. In elementary school on the end Wednesdays, you could either get pulled out to go to this class at the nearby church, or you could stay and have game time. I was one of the church kids. I had always gotten in trouble at that thing, but they finally kicked me out after I yelled out "PUBERTY!" in the middle of class. Thus, my training for Nok Hockey glory began.
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Once in 2nd grade, it was snowing outside on a Wednesday, so we had to go to the auditorium and watch a sh*tty movie instead of playing outside. My friend says "let's go to the girl's bathroom so we can see their vaginas". I didn't go, but later at the religion class, I was curious. I went to the girl's bathroom and got caught. I got yelled at for a good 10 minutes, and never felt so embarassed before. Luckily, I got away before I could be officially be caught and get in trouble.
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I had my first real crush in 6th grade. One day, my friends were busting my balls about it. The jokes got very explicit, and one of her friends overheard. This got back to the girl of course, and later that day when I said "hi" to her at lunch, I got in trouble for sexual harassment.
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This one actually ends well: In first grade, I got in trouble for something or another, so I had to sit in the corner.Later, the teacher escorts everyone to computer class, and I wasn't sure if I still had to sit in the corner, so I stayed behind. She turned off the lights and locked the room. It was probably a half hour or so, but it felt like forever, and I never got up from the corner. The teacher came back to the room, and shat a brick. In retrospect, she was probably thinking "OMG IM GONNA GET FIRED". She brought me around to the office and teacher's lounge, trying to figure out what to do, and in the process she found her paycheck that she had lost. Then we went to McDonald's.
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Post by thekrez on Feb 28, 2008 11:15:31 GMT -5
Firstly, the point of this thread is that your parents f*** you up, that much is apparent no matter what the experience.
The second point is that eldest children cop the worst s***, and explains a lot why sibling order determines personality.
The last and final point is that you should never blame or credit anyone else for your problems or where you are today. Where you are is because of you and you alone.
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Post by Emily on Feb 28, 2008 12:36:00 GMT -5
Is this how white parents bring up their kids?? I detect a distinct sense that most of the bad childhood experiences are related to the Asian side of the parenting. My mom did her fair share amount of slapping and had me kneel on rice for hours when I was a kid. My dad would take out the belt. I'm fairly certain that if I were to tell my white Canadian friends about these experiences, they'd be horrified. They probably couldn't fathom the brutality of Asian parents. Now, my dad wasn't a stranger to corporal punishment, but I'm curious about other EAs experience. Anyone have an Asian parent adamant about corporal punishment, yet the white parent objected to this? How did that play out in terms of child rearing?
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Post by p****cat~ on Feb 28, 2008 20:47:14 GMT -5
When my mom "thought" she could cut hair and she cut off my tendrils on the side of my hairline, close to my ears. I was 7. They grew out as spikey sideburns. Also, around that time in her hair experimentation ways (on me), she thought I would look good in a perm. So she took my long hair, took a comb/razor blade combo and was shredding the blade in a downword motion because this is how she thought "layers" were done. So I had a long shredded mullet like a member of Kiss. Then she permed it. Seriously, I've been hating my hair ever since.....
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Post by elle on Feb 28, 2008 23:00:26 GMT -5
hahaha...oh man..tha'ts a classic.....thank god my mother never attempted layers...or perms for that matter...
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Post by thekrez on Mar 1, 2008 21:01:07 GMT -5
At least it explains why Asians are so submissive. Extreme childhood beatings tend to eliminate all traces of individuality. Really? There's an old chinese saying that reads : stoop to conquer. Believe it or not my bible thumping white friend at the time actually reared up her head in ugly disgust, grimaced and told me how anyone could think of such a thing. It may have to do with some individuality vs. for the common good type of debate but not in a negative way. The bottomline: different priorities and methods of getting there. Individuality is very well maintained, by the way - asian societies. There's always more under the surface. What I find is that people are blind to others in another culture. Haven't we heard about how "all asians look the same"? or "all whites look the same"? Lack of individuality is not a mark of asian societies. It's a lack of non-asians recognizing it. And vice versa. Has this been different for others? I've come to believe that 'stoop to conquer' is a concept so foreign to some's pride, that it makes them stiff and unbendable. They also say the sword that doesn't bend, breaks easily. Thought long and hard (well maybe not that long and hard, maybe more like short and soft) before replying to this. I will make a few points: -- Are there any other tired Asian cliches you would like to throw at me. How about "bend like the willow tree". I am pretty sure I have not heard that before. Better yet "Wax On Wax Off", that was fairly popular I am told. -- Oh I am totally blind, I have no idea about Asia or Asians, them and their Asian ways and their mysticism. Yup its so freakin mystical, I will never be able to see beyond that veneer of magic they have and their stooping to eventually conquer me. Yeah, I never saw it coming. -- Finally, dont ever, even in generalisations, ask me to look at another person's culture. Ive seen more godamn freaking culture than I ever want to see and you know what I have found? 1) People are far too precious about things that do not matter one whit in the world. and 2) Everyone, and I mean everyone is the godamn same. Whether you are Viet, Chinese, Canuck, Gook, Curryhead, Septic Tank, White Man, Banana or whatever other epithet you want to call it. They just all have different ways of expressing the same godamn thing. So really, have a think before you post again. Please.
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Post by avax on Mar 2, 2008 1:47:40 GMT -5
Frankly, I couldn't make head or tail of your post or what your point actually is other than "everyone is the same". Sure, why not. How does that relate to your earlier post?
Was the earlier comment facetious? If everyone is the same, why single out Asians or hint that they're unusually submissive, or even bother to link it to childhood beatings?
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Post by thekrez on Mar 2, 2008 3:34:11 GMT -5
"I couldn't make head or tail of your post or what your point actually is"
There you go thats 90% of your posting history. That makes two of us.
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Post by avax on Mar 2, 2008 4:11:19 GMT -5
I don't think you've been around to see 90% of my posts but that's sweet.
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Post by SecretAsianMan on Mar 5, 2008 15:48:49 GMT -5
It's rather sobering to read some of these stories. I'll admit that I'm not a big fan of personal revelations when it comes to the other people in my own private life, but certainly respect those here who decided to come forward with their own stories in the hopes of helping others or for therapeutic reasons.
This is going to sound simplistic and trite, I know, but having been raised in the Christian tradition, the only guidance that I've followed in these matters has been from my faith. At some point, I always find it necessary to forgive -- no matter how horribly wronged I feel. This doesn't mean that I condone those acts or have forgotten them without learning valuable lessons, but it allows me to continue on in life without being chained to the past. When I forgive people, I see it as a way of helping myself.
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