|
Post by EA Observer on Oct 23, 2007 14:00:14 GMT -5
They say when you're loved, sorries aren't necessary. Exactly what the Whites said to the Natives and Blacks, while stealing their lands and enslaving them and telling them that "Jesus loves you".
|
|
|
Post by DivaDancerLara on Oct 23, 2007 14:30:35 GMT -5
Never forgive. Never forget. Never will be happy Never live
|
|
|
Post by soliliquy on Oct 24, 2007 16:16:07 GMT -5
The context is just a wee bit different though.
For Cel's comment though: I feel it's a lot more needed to apologize to someone I'm close with. With a new acquaintance I tend not to worry as much about upsetting the relationship because I don't have much at stake, whereas with someone close I just don't want to take any such chance even if they're willing to let it slide. Not that I don't try to apologize to new friends, but if we're comparing...
It's a curious thing though, sometimes people don't seem to want to do the whole talk and talk about the problem if they can still carry on after the fight. I'm not sure what I think about this; on one hand if people can do that than maybe 'the talk' isn't needed anyhow, but on the other hand I wonder if not putting that ill-feeling to rest might leave it open to jump out at again at a bad moment or leave a permanent impression on the relationship.
Thoughts? Have you guys often needed to talk about a fight? Or notice any difference being doing it and not?
Word.
At first it was "the person who does the mistake should apologize"-- clean and basic, but didn't seem to work very well for some reason. A line from a columnist I read a long while back stuck in my head-- "whenver I run into a problem I think about what part I played in causing it". Better, but it was only when I started to think about the emotional part that I think I really got the deal. When we're not talking about purposeful malice I've noticed most transgressions are just misunderstandings: a joke that some guy read wrong, some person's benign action that someone catches as an offense because of bad memories, etc, etc. Sadly we're often too busy being offended or indignant that someone is offended over such a small matter that starting to talk itself is hard.
|
|
naia
Junior Member
Posts: 165
|
Post by naia on Oct 24, 2007 16:54:50 GMT -5
I'm trying to learn the art of forgiving an letting go as i age.No one can control the world or anything in the world for that matter.And there's no blame to anything because everything happens for a reason.I use to have a hard time forgiving anyone who've hurt me painfully.If we cant learn to forgive,it means we're always looking back.and by doing that so often,we'll never move on.I don't want to be stuck in the angry days forever.It's just so worthless when there's more things in life,better ones.so yeah,i am learning,and i think im getting better at it.
|
|
|
Post by avax on Oct 25, 2007 6:23:38 GMT -5
It's a curious thing though, sometimes people don't seem to want to do the whole talk and talk about the problem if they can still carry on after the fight. I'm not sure what I think about this; on one hand if people can do that than maybe 'the talk' isn't needed anyhow, but on the other hand I wonder if not putting that ill-feeling to rest might leave it open to jump out at again at a bad moment or leave a permanent impression on the relationship. Thoughts? Have you guys often needed to talk about a fight? Or notice any difference being doing it and not? I think it may be surprising to many how few there are who actually have the stamina to do this consistently.
|
|
|
Post by StrangeMagic on Oct 25, 2007 7:41:11 GMT -5
It's a curious thing though, sometimes people don't seem to want to do the whole talk and talk about the problem if they can still carry on after the fight. I'm not sure what I think about this; on one hand if people can do that than maybe 'the talk' isn't needed anyhow, but on the other hand I wonder if not putting that ill-feeling to rest might leave it open to jump out at again at a bad moment or leave a permanent impression on the relationship. Thoughts? Have you guys often needed to talk about a fight? Or notice any difference being doing it and not? I think it may be surprising to many how few there are who actually have the stamina to do this consistently. I'll be the first to respond to this. My bf and I have been through a lot together. The relationship was a bit backwards and it has made it very hard on us but ultimately after taking some time to think about things and reevaluate the situation we were in we fixed things. a year ago, we would just keep feelings bundled up inside and just pretend like it didn't happen.. of course we ended up blowing up at each other the next time something little would happen. We've tried to forget the past start over fresh thing.. well if you didn't fix the mistakes in the past how are you to move on and fix things?? exactly. That was no good and was just a temporary fix. Eventually we talked about things, our problems and decided that they were fixable but we both have to put efforts in and not only that, but also be willing to help one another. Both of us have done rather hurtful things to one another. Not in the sense of cheating or any of that but other things that just really hurt. Whether it be things that were said or certain actions. If we don't talk about the problem, it causes more stress and more frustration .. and eventually we'll both explode. Depending on your relationship with the individual, I guess is where you see how much you can forgive.. not neccesarily forget.. but Forgiveness is sometimes needed if you really want to make things work. You live, and learn from your mistakes. But some things are not forgiveable.. ie.. Cheating.
|
|
|
Post by DivaDancerLara on Oct 25, 2007 11:24:11 GMT -5
I am learning how to forgive because I was betrayed in the worst and most personal way from this person. Its a struggle every day to overcome my anger for this person but Iknow my goal is to one day forgive this person and not have any hatred in my heart the thing that makes it hard is that he has no remorse and he treated me really badly. I am glad to have him out of my life but I still have to forgive in order to move on the hard thing is is that I still care on some level but not to the point that I will allow him to treat me bad....
( but secretly I am asking God to singe his hair and aim for his butt the next time there is a lightning storm)
What can I say...forgiveness can sometimes be a process ;D
|
|
|
Post by soliliquy on Oct 25, 2007 12:19:39 GMT -5
I'm having trouble reading your tone, Cel. Do you mean it's a good thing but not many are up to it, or it's something unnecessary that wastes energy to pursue ? Even after talking about the problem I often worry the other is still holding on to bad feelings (heck, I still do that), let alone playing queit . For me, I'd definately rather talk, it can be unpleasant, but, the alternative can be even harder.
|
|
|
Post by StrangeMagic on Oct 25, 2007 13:08:52 GMT -5
talking could be unpleasant at the heat of the moment.. but a discussion could take place later on if both people are too heated to talk.. we sometimes do that as we both have tempers haha.. and it gets UGLY if we both are heated .. we end up being at each others throats then regret it in the end b/c usually it's over something so miniscule.
however, if someone betrayed me.. which they have in the past such as best friends and supposed friends.. it took me years to get over the betrayl.. and my trust for people went down hill.. but I realized that not everyone is out to get me and that i should give ppl chances.. so i did.. they get one chance though. blow it and i'm done.
|
|
|
Post by DivaDancerLara on Oct 26, 2007 9:49:34 GMT -5
talking could be unpleasant at the heat of the moment.. but a discussion could take place later on if both people are too heated to talk.. we sometimes do that as we both have tempers haha.. and it gets UGLY if we both are heated .. we end up being at each others throats then regret it in the end b/c usually it's over something so miniscule. however, if someone betrayed me.. which they have in the past such as best friends and supposed friends.. it took me years to get over the betrayl.. and my trust for people went down hill.. but I realized that not everyone is out to get me and that i should give ppl chances.. so i did.. they get one chance though. blow it and i'm done. Yeah I think there is a hope of forgiveness because I have seen it.....people crossing percievingly insurmountable odds (love the double superlative) however this one I am not expecting to change I am just resolving it in my own heart without talking to him. We have come to the point where we have said it all and words aren't enough anymore. This one is taking me time to heal from because it has scarred me and been scarring me over the years. But it is good to have boundaries. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to have no boundaries or limits to do it.
|
|
|
Post by avax on Oct 26, 2007 22:58:17 GMT -5
I'm having trouble reading your tone, Cel. Do you mean it's a good thing but not many are up to it, or it's something unnecessary that wastes energy to pursue ? Don't worry. I don't know the answer to that question, honestly.
|
|