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Post by penguinopolipitese on Jan 30, 2007 16:12:55 GMT -5
If your parents are divorced... which kind of couple were they? AM/WF or WM/AF? Let's see which couples last better....
I'm gonna bet on white male/ asian female. They seem less tense. I don't know how many times my mom has screamed at my dad that she's not vietnamese, but if I had a quarter for every time, I'd have a full day at the arcade lined up.
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Post by jenming on Jan 30, 2007 20:29:09 GMT -5
it only took a couple years for my AM/WF parents to run for their respective ethnic hills.
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Post by jefe on Jan 30, 2007 21:24:32 GMT -5
AM/WF After separating / getting back together / splitting up / getting back together / splitting up, etc. several times, they FINALLY signed the final divorce papers when I was AGE 29!
I was called as a witness for their court appearance -- not fun.
For them, it was not a an issue of reverting back to their ethnic roots. I think that segregation and discrimination put severe pressure on the relationship -- both breaking it apart and also forcing it to remain together at the same time. For example,
- my father would be victimized at work by whites, and then come home and hit my mother - my mother's parents (in segregated Alabama) would not take her in with her mixed baby (yours truly) in tow (FYI, I was born just at the time during the George Wallace's reign and the attacks on the freedom riders), ETC.
They could not live together, nor could they split up either. Eventually, they did it immediately after my brother graduated from university. This is indeed a story of a couple staying together for the kids -- but it has had a psychological toll on us. My brother and I cannot even talk to each other.
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Post by wibex on Jan 31, 2007 0:16:01 GMT -5
WM/AF.
They despise eachother now.
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Post by Freecia on Jan 31, 2007 1:53:53 GMT -5
This begs one question. How much do you think ethinicity has affected your parents' marriage? Was it even truly due to ethnic difference? The divorce rate for same race couples are just as high, if not, probably even higher. I have no doubt when a couple is not getting along, the ethnic difference would be used as a weapon to hurt each other. Though I seriously doubt that in most cases, ethnic difference being the trigger for divorce?
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Post by animaeish on Jan 31, 2007 13:58:14 GMT -5
This begs one question. How much do you think ethinicity has affected your parents' marriage? Was it even truly due to ethnic difference? The divorce rate for same race couples are just as high, if not, probably even higher. I have no doubt when a couple is not getting along, the ethnic difference would be used as a weapon to hurt each other. Though I seriously doubt that in most cases, ethnic difference being the trigger for divorce? I'm too lazy to look up the stats right now, but I would bet the divorce rate among interracial couples would be higher than the national average. In Hawaii many of my friends had Asian mothers from Asia and white fathers from the mainland, like me, and ALL of them were divorced. The IR couples that seemed to do better were the AM/WF or the local Asian with local Whites, etc. At work I see dozens of "mail order bride" types coming into the US everday. They typically are uneducated, young, occasionally pretty, women from SE Asia. A lot from the Philippines, Thailand, Laos and Vietnam. They are almost always here to marry, or are already married to, a much older US citizen, sometimes of their own ethnicity, but very often to some random, 40-60 y/o White guy. What amuses me most is when they speak very little to no English. I'll ask a translator if their new husband speaks their language... and they always say no. I can't help but think what a wonderful "relationship" they must have where some fat, old, loser white guy points to things whenever he wants something. God forbid he wants babies!
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Post by faithless on Jan 31, 2007 14:32:06 GMT -5
same race marriages have a better chance of withstanding the test of time than interracial marriages. but that is only true of of places where there are a lot of race mixing and stuff. I think parts of industrialized Asia, where there are a lot less IR, have some of the worlds highest divorce rates i.e. south korea.
but in keeping the discussion within north america, ir marriages have about 10%+ more chance of divorce than same race marriages.
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Post by akeon on Jan 31, 2007 19:54:08 GMT -5
Asian dad and European mom here too... My mother now says she wouldn't go out with a Chinese man anymore, because of their mentality (she says...). As for my father he is married again to an Asian woman, guess it was difficult for him to accept the rebelious mind of french people
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Post by jenming on Jan 31, 2007 21:12:11 GMT -5
I realise now that the ethnic differences were really easy weapon to use, and actually had some bearing but not all on our bad period.But it can still cause fights, but we are much more likely to laugh now than get all slayer like. I think that my parents were just incompatible people (which was likely influenced by their cultural backgrounds), but I think that when they were arguing, the cultural differences just became convenient points into which they could funnel their general frustrations, almost as excuses to argue. did you find this to be the case with you?
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Post by cewek on Jan 31, 2007 22:21:17 GMT -5
^ Yeah. Same. Its so easy to use the obviuous differences -it actually has become a hobby of mine ( well when we argue) to totally go the other way and not even bring it up anymore. Actually I pull out the whole -" look I'm talking about HUMAN scale here and Im talking only about my feelings/what I want " etc etc .instead of the " you are f***ed why have you got this stupid chinese thinking -no wonder your whole country is in a mess and no asian woman wanted to marry you" -YES I have said bad bad things like that -in the heat of an argument its so easy to do it. So now I really do think before I say anything, but its pretty hard when you know it can get a really big impact in so few words I really hate arguing.
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Post by jenming on Jan 31, 2007 22:53:29 GMT -5
^ WURD.
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Post by Phil on Jan 31, 2007 23:38:29 GMT -5
This begs one question. How much do you think ethinicity has affected your parents' marriage? Was it even truly due to ethnic difference? The divorce rate for same race couples are just as high, if not, probably even higher. I have no doubt when a couple is not getting along, the ethnic difference would be used as a weapon to hurt each other. Though I seriously doubt that in most cases, ethnic difference being the trigger for divorce? I'm too lazy to look up the stats right now, but I would bet the divorce rate among interracial couples would be higher than the national average. In Hawaii many of my friends had Asian mothers from Asia and white fathers from the mainland, like me, and ALL of them were divorced. The IR couples that seemed to do better were the AM/WF or the local Asian with local Whites, etc. At work I see dozens of "mail order bride" types coming into the US everday. They typically are uneducated, young, occasionally pretty, women from SE Asia. A lot from the Philippines, Thailand, Laos and Vietnam. They are almost always here to marry, or are already married to, a much older US citizen, sometimes of their own ethnicity, but very often to some random, 40-60 y/o White guy. What amuses me most is when they speak very little to no English. I'll ask a translator if their new husband speaks their language... and they always say no. I can't help but think what a wonderful "relationship" they must have where some fat, old, loser white guy points to things whenever he wants something. God forbid he wants babies! Ya its sad. Imagine now if u were their child now. How would you feel if you knew your father was some fat loser who couldnt find a wife in his only country so he bought a poor girl from another country and made you. Never the less one should be happy to be alive. And all the more reason to unite with EAs. I mentioned to my uncle in mauritius that I started a club for mixed people in univeristy and the FIRST and ONLY thing he had to say about that was "So are most of the childrens parents divorsed?" I've heard there are no stupid questions but at that time it seemed pretty stupid to me. Doesnt have to do with truth or not but context. My parents are still together. But I think most people underestimate ethnicity/heritage. It really play a huge role in how you behave, and think. I think mixed people understand this more than other, at least us with non mixed parents. My crazy white mom is always telling my funky chinese dad to stop slurping and not talk with his mouth full , u'd think she'd get used to it. You can take the man out of China, but you cant take the China outa the man!
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Post by xriz on Feb 1, 2007 0:00:25 GMT -5
jenming and cewek: My father, Asian, has got to be the whitest Chinese guy you ever met, yet I‘ve seen a the same behavior you guys have mentioned with both of his marragies (white girls), culture was never an issue; sometimes people are just difficult even though they are not bad people.
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Post by Freecia on Feb 1, 2007 2:52:33 GMT -5
It is sad to always hear that "love conquers all" when in reality, this love can not be more fragile. It's true that cultural difference would set a couple far apart, but I just can't bring myself to think about how it was possible to put the two people from differnet cultures (or two different worlds) together, only to have them be seperated by "mere" differences. I guess love is over rated, or I am just too naive.
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Post by EA Observer on Feb 1, 2007 9:26:00 GMT -5
Like any other marital issue, it would require some compromises of different cultural values and attitudes by mixed couples for their marriages to work. That's a lot easier said than done, tho, I know. But, unless one is willing to give in to the other a lot more to keep their marriage, a mixed marriage involving cultutural differences which are ignored or not settled or compromised willl be an unhappy one or won't last long, I'm afraid.
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