Meditations on being EA

[Altan]

You know I have proably been here on this forum for a long time (honestly since the beginning). Differen't alias of course. And the last couple of years EAness has really just gotten out of me. Maybe I'm just getting older and it's getting less of an issue. I think when I was younger it was more important to me. Nowadays I just come here randomly when in the past I would always check what's being said.

EANation has definately helped me grow being EA and finding out who I was for my parents could never answer that question or really help me out with that.

Any other meditations on EAness or EANation? Of course it rocks!

[syn]

Between politics, culture and bloodlines...

The EA (and other mixed) experience becomes a metaphor for a multicultural world,
both in its openness as well it's inherent biases. One which is a living contradiction in the variety of experiences an individual may have as well as to the communities of mixed groups and cultures.

When it comes to relaying my own experiences ... particularly as in many places like these, we discuss or celebrate the pride and turmoil in which we face ... it becomes a situation not of dual or multiple ethnicity and issues pertaining to racism or ethnic heritage but instead of the conflicts within culture and society.

In many ways, I find mixed communities, whose focus relies on the mixed experience to be more openly biased to the various groups they may represent and to themselves, each other. But this also applies to outside communities as we develop a rationalized perception of what EA and mixed people represent in issues of race and culture, and particularly in the ways it represents politics and all minorities beyond the context of ethnicity.

Being EA is a social novelty with more hangups than benefits. For the most part, I would suggest 'we' represent society more than culture. Often, 'we' are not representative of either side and exist separate to everyone -- though perhaps representative in the core that the various 'sides' do not matter as 'we' are just people. To evaluate our experiences is more equivolent to evaluating the experiences of the visually-impaired by race and the audio & mobility-impaired by culture.

We have a 'handicap' in groups that represent themselves as FB or monocultural. The benefits are entertained in the novelty that we are the bridges between multiple groups and yet often, we can barely bridge the gaps to one.

In my youth it was an open secret.

And today, its a truth that can easily be made into a secret again, without being open to anyone.

EAs are political by default -- the issues covering more than the politics of race and culture alone.

EAs are tools and perhaps, even by the slang term of that meaning.

Individually to the global reflection.

The mixed experience is irrelevant in all scenes. Whether to whatever "diversity" is supposed to represent - a picture perfect posterchild of a wide world orgy, which boils the melting pot down to create 'one' race, 'one' culture as to eliminate the others - a representation of and for genocide.

In short, it's complicated.

[syn]

I often feel like I'm at war with everybody.
I've worn hardware parts as a hair accessory
so I don't need this to make myself look unique.

Am I bitter?

Sure, of course,
It's rather transparent.

multiple skull and facial fractures
and a once active life with steroids
wouldn't change the answer
when there's not much of a difference
between the then and now.
sometimes I enjoy that
it puts a little perspective on page
when I'm loathing my body
or what I look like the most.

I don't look like enough like somebody
whose head has been split open either, nor one of the roid freakshows, cosmetic junkies or bulmic.

As toyomansi said,

When it comes to feeling more Euro or Asian, I think it also has to do with how well they have accepted you as one of them... If either side disownes a EA from early on, they're bound to end up preferring their "other side".

It's probably true to an extent. My fathers' parents were the first to make it non issue ... they didn't build it up and they didn't tear it down. The only thing that matters to them when it comes to 'me' is family. Though theres times without justification that I doubt their sincerity... that they're only looking for a living connection to their son, my father ... even now decades passed.

And maybe that's why every few years I come to places like these, even knowing that it's not that much different from the outside, from either side, from anything.

I wouldn't join or 'out' myself to a FB community for the same reason I know I shouldn't 'out' myself to communities like these... not in totality. I wind up having more anxiety over stupid, stupid things... from appearances to interests, interests which may fall on either side of the primary spectrum. And as much as I can pretend it doesn't matter what anyone elses thinks. It's the sort of situation where I recognize the validity in the arguments that membership to these little social spheres should come with a picture and pseudo-ancestry or paternity test stapled to my forehead. But sometimes I don't think it would be enough. For some, I don't think it would matter if they were standing in the room at the moment of conception and they had an inside view to ensure it's all true. It's never enough. It's not about what it is and it's not about what I look like. Everything goes deeper doesn't it, even when it's all shallow. If I was orphaned and they didn't know, I didn't know... then there wouldn't be a point to any of it. And knowing, recognizing, and definitely admitting always lead to complications... So why the hell would I go through this?

Last weeks reason was just politics...
I used to read EA, but that was a lifetime ago.
I stumbled upon it again, hopping from link to link, in my neurotic feror of an issue on one blog
to another blog to another, and another. And a little connection I forgot. So here I was, here I am. And there I go to celebrate my own little pity party.

Social suicide is fun, isn't it?
Maybe that's the reason, that's the hell I'm constantly looking to re-live. Outside of this,
get involved with groups that put me in the line of fire because I've grown accustomed to it, so I do my little social work with various groups for whatever good-will thrills and frills it offers me, occasionally get caught up in the politics that surround those groups, and sometimes my own connection to it, but otherwise I can go years without digging up any of this... to the roots of it, it comes up from time to time, but usually I play the safer ground, the principles, take the personal out.

No one here has made it an issue.

Though cynicism has become the rule to offer an yet.

It's only a matter of time, though sure, I know I've made it an issue.. though the irony, that's what being a EA is about essentially... making it an issue. Somebody always does, so whether it comes from myself, or the outside, it's all the same... for an Ea to do it its egoism, for somebody else it's often some form of racism or cultural bias, even fetishism...

So, I'm not blaming anyone ... this is all my baggage alone. my baggage as it's in my head. my frustrations because I can easily be whitey, the big bad whitey I don't identify with... and isn't that the funny joke in all of this. But I suppose when I say it, it's american or western, though in other countries, the issues that are the issues become something else, and yet for me, they disappear... because regardless of what I said I was, I'd still just be 'american'.

I'm probably in denial about it
but I think I was more put together as a kid relating to being than I am now.

Now it's a game of censorship, of politically correct editing, self editing, of keeping up appearances or hiding in this vast online world, where I can be the truth as long as I don't show who I am. A flip side to the real world, where I can't change my avatar on a whim.

the self editing, of what I should or can say. of the politics I play, of the communities I exist in and sometimes having to justify my right to be there. But the question lingers does entitlement come with what is in blood and genes or just appearances...

In my experiences, the latter proves more true.

a FB who looks the part gets an honorary pass, because it's easier to see they've had to live the experience... more than me. Boohoohoo.... Poor me, poor you.

I'm just another guy who has worn hardware parts in his hair. Who gets too damn anxietal to really be honest here, to tip-toe around my personal interests, to the music I listen to to the music I used to play, to the definitive statistics of people I date (poc, albeit usually from a culturally or subculturally mixed category, with a darker shade of skin and mostly men --- which could also explain the timing here.), that I enjoy translating roms or adding subs to music videos, films and anime to hebrew (which is an inanely long process for rpg rom dumps. Hence if you're lucky, you'll find one.) and vice versa , that the type of EA I am is a complete and total self-depreciating ego maniac and stereotypical jewanese neurotic (and czech jews are considered more exotic, mythological than EAs in a lot of opinion circles. Especially coming from old skool chassidic stock.) that has an insane and deranged need to overexplain everything and here have to provide an additional lineage/personal history to support why he buys over priced rice when it looks like he wouldn't be able to tell the difference from Uncle Ben's.
... And why he's going to print out this post to prove his analyst, no he's not well adjusted and has plenty of uses for nice quiet vacation in the comfort of a jacket he can hug himself in.

Bitter, yeah, definitely.
Insane... that should be a given.
EA... yeah, but probably would be better if he wasn't.

So yeah... maybe I don't need to re-visit memory lane with either my goals of social suicide, baggage hanging in every thread, knowing or believing where this will eventually go... My grandmother sees my father in me, and I see her in my daughter... go figure.

[swinger]

Dammit. Syn was interesting and dared to share. Too bad he left. Hope he comes back.

[EA Observer]

How does one "meditate" on being anything?

[swinger]

Nov 15, 2008 10:34:48 GMT -5 EA Observer said:

How does one "meditate" on being anything?

Having a fully-functional brain is a good start.

meditate

(mĕd'ĭ-tāt') pronunciation


v., -tat·ed, -tat·ing, -tates.

v.tr.

1. To reflect on; contemplate.

[Altan]

Meditations...on being EA at this time and place.....today and the present. It's unbelievably, .....Greeeeeeeeeeaaaat like a Tiger.

Great!

[quiapo]

It appears many of us have not had the luxury of growing up in a society in which being an EA is comfortable, and means belonging to a subgroup that has reasonable social status and is a complete subculture with its rules, values and linkages, as well as pride in its accomplishments.
I imagine that aside from the Philippines a generation ago, there are countries that have integrated an EA subculture seamlessly, and it is comforting to belong. It is difficult to explain, as the boundaries are porous between the EA comunity and other communities in such societies.
I myself, am a 3rd generation EA on my mother's side, and I did not go through such angst of identity that many of the fellow members seem to have to endure. One is part of an established group, but accepts that some cousins are predominantly Asian, while some are predominantly European, but most are EA and share your core identity and values.
Perhaps a better picture of the situation is gieven by Manileña's postings, with her pride of EA accomplishments in the old country.

[straylight]

hmm, i'm not sure if that's pride so much as it is aggressive marketing

[Phil]

Eurasian identity issues are something we're going to deal with all our lives. Not in a good or bad way. Identities simply are fluid, always chaning , mingling with other identities and being influnced by society.
The internet has allowed us to reach out to each other. To learn together about who we are and want to be. Where we come from and where we want to go.

[quiapo]

kyu-ree - I understand some of what you are going through. Whenever I go to the Philippines, people seem incredulous when I speak the language. Though I look predominantly Asian, I must stand out as "foreign", perhaps because of my larger size. I felt such comfort, nearly joy, when Maoris in New Zealand would greet me and try to engage me in conversation in their language. It was an experience I had never known, to be recognized as someone who belongs, just on appearance. It was something I had never missed either, until that moment.
Interestingly, I was often mistaken for a local in Korea, and I noticed that there are several different body types and features, probably because of the different invasions through the millenia. My daughter in law was asked once 'Why doesn't your companion join in the conversation?" in Seoul, by the taxi driver, which gave us all a good laugh, but inspired me to try to learn the language. (Very hard!!, as you know!)

[Paddy]

Nov 28, 2008 17:52:48 GMT -5 @kyuree said:

It's the wanting to be accepted by both sides (and fully) that makes it hard. And I have the contradicting feeling of not wanting to be thought of as a full "..." when I'm actually mixed.
*sigh*

Know the feeling! This must be the mixed kid's most enduring dilemma - wanting to be accepted by the parts of your heritage, while still being recognised as being mixed.

[Paddy]

Not many people can identify with the feeling of not belonging.

That's why we come here! EAN maybe artificial and our community is only real on a certain level, but society's cultural barriers don't have their permanence here. We're all kindred spirits.

[Subuatai]

Heh the feeling of belonging is mostly in a cultural sense for me. My culture doesn't believe in racial discriminations, but by Tengri most of the entire world believes in it! Which does anger me somewhat and even managed to push me to get into the political realm refusing to accept foreign influence in central-asia.

[Joi]

For me being EA is only an issue when i feel judged based on my looks.. i dislike being asked where are you from? or you born here "insert country A" I normally tell people half truths because i feel uncomfortable being scruntized based on my looks. I look more Asian and so people challenge me and say but you don't look Eurasian or mixed which sucks. I sometimes wish I looked more mixed, then the awkwardness would go away when i tell others. I do think mixed people have the right to identify as they are without any comments like, "But you don't look mixed." But i know that will almost always happen..