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Post by thesa on Jun 26, 2008 6:48:25 GMT -5
I know I'm talking to the totally wrong platform of people but still... all I need is some opinions...
Sometimes, all it takes is a millisecond of your life, or that of somebody close to you to change completely ... and irrevocably. One moment things are fine and bright and the next moment nothing is the same.
Now imagine something happened to someone close to you, family members, loved ones, anybody...: imagine a disease or accident leaves them totally dependent on other people, people like YOU.
So.... would you or would you not take care of them? And with it all that it takes to take care. Knowing that with their dependency, your INdependency is also gone, flushed down the toilet, knowing that that ain't a temporary situation but maybe a permanent one, knowing that there won't be any more times-out as you're on CONSTANT CALL.
So would you or would you not?
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Post by straylight on Jun 26, 2008 7:07:07 GMT -5
Yes. I'm afraid I might actually be approaching that point, in fact. My mom's developed this disease ("Minere's Disease" or something like that) that causes her to have extreme vertigo and nausea a lot. She needs help. My dad's getting old as well..
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Post by halfbreed on Jun 26, 2008 7:19:54 GMT -5
It depends who it is. I'd only ever consider taking full-time care it was for a parent. First I'd see if I could pay for a carer. If it was too expensive or my parents were uncomfortable being looked after by some random, I'd do it. It also depends how long they have to live. If whatever they had didn't affect their lifespan, I'd look for a carer, but if they didn't have long to go, I'd do it even if they were okay with a carer, just to be with them while I can.
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cm
Junior Member
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Post by cm on Jun 26, 2008 10:00:26 GMT -5
If it's your parents, you owe it to them.
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Post by nikita19 on Jun 26, 2008 13:43:25 GMT -5
That depends cause right now I'm financially struggling,it would be hard for me to support one of my loved ones being that right now I can quite support myself however if something bad happened to my mom for ex. then yes I would do everything in my power to care for her.
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Post by thesa on Jun 26, 2008 18:30:33 GMT -5
Yes. I'm afraid I might actually be approaching that point, in fact. My mom's developed this disease ("Minere's Disease" or something like that) that causes her to have extreme vertigo and nausea a lot. She needs help. My dad's getting old as well.. Sorry to hear about your mom, stray, hope she gets better and does get your support ;-) It depends who it is. I'd only ever consider taking full-time care it was for a parent. First I'd see if I could pay for a carer. If it was too expensive or my parents were uncomfortable being looked after by some random, I'd do it. It also depends how long they have to live. If whatever they had didn't affect their lifespan, I'd look for a carer, but if they didn't have long to go, I'd do it even if they were okay with a carer, just to be with them while I can. You're a very good girl, HB! Your parents must be proud of you ;-) If it's your parents, you owe it to them. True and I absolutely agree. But why only the parents? Why not any siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc? That depends cause right now I'm financially struggling,it would be hard for me to support one of my loved ones being that right now I can quite support myself however if something bad happened to my mom for ex. then yes I would do everything in my power to care for her. It's true that money is an issue and hard to ignore, even more impressive that you would still do anything for your mom to care for her!! --> am very glad to hear that you folks would take care of your parents! Same question of CJF to all: what if it isn't a parent, what if the disease does not reduce somebody's lifespan? Am only asking because these days I got A LOT of sh!t from other people, commenting on how I could be a care giver, why not simply hire an external care giver or even better look for a nursing home and how my parents could be so cruel as in handing that responsibility over to me (and no, they did not!!!).... So thanks for your replies, coz they tell me that those people are heartless idiots and I should not listen to comments like those!
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cm
Junior Member
Posts: 68
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Post by cm on Jun 26, 2008 20:16:36 GMT -5
You are related to your parents by 50% and your siblings by 50% and your grandparents by 25%. As Haldane said 'I would give my life for 2 brothers or 8 cousins'.
Your parents were the ones who reared you when you were an infant, and decided to put you on this earth. Grandparents should be the duty of your parents if they are well enough. But essentialloy, we're getting into minutia. If the person meant a lot to you, even if you weren't related, and helped take care of you, it's logical that it's your duty to help take care of them.
If the disease doesn't reduce their lifespan, hiring somebody to help you is fine regardless. Nursing homes though are hell on earth. Many sick would rather commit suicide than go to a nursing home. Even some of the wealthier ones have horrible track records.
Anyways, I admire people who take care of their sick and ailing family members and friends. You should get somebody to help, like a sibling or hire somebody you can trust, but I'd avoid the nursing home if possible.
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Jun 27, 2008 3:49:55 GMT -5
yes.i took care of my brother despite our formerly f***ed up relationship.i still feel that maybe if i'd donated a kidney i could have saved him,but i stand by my decision.i guess that's where i drew the line with caretaking in that particular case. also,when my dad had a stroke and my mom had to work like mad to carry us,i was pretty much with him 24/7 to make sure he was ok. now my grandfather's had some serious heart trouble and at 85 is in the beginning of the downhill slide of dementia,so a lot of my free time is devoted to doing what i can for him. when it comes to family,i can't say no.not because of some negative feeling of obligation,but because that's what family (ideally) does.
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Post by thesa on Jun 27, 2008 4:12:11 GMT -5
yes.i took care of my brother despite our formerly f**ked up relationship.i still feel that maybe if i'd donated a kidney i could have saved him,but i stand by my decision.i guess that's where i drew the line with caretaking in that particular case. also,when my dad had a stroke and my mom had to work like mad to carry us,i was pretty much with him 24/7 to make sure he was ok. now my grandfather's had some serious heart trouble and at 85 is in the beginning of the downhill slide of dementia,so a lot of my free time is devoted to doing what i can for him. when it comes to family,i can't say no.not because of some negative feeling of obligation,but because that's what family (ideally) does. Good girl, Juniper :-) That's exactly how I feel, too. But now, that I'm taking care of my bro, Im so surprised about people's reaction. I have met so much misunderstanding or pity which really drives me mad. It's like they can't bloody understand why I'm doing it on good days or on bad days I just get a pat on my shoulders from idiots asking me how I cope.... All I'm asking for is for people's ignorance or acceptance but please, spare your pity!!! I just felt that I was going mad and maybe people were right and that it was crazy of me trying to be a full-time caregiver... but I still feel it's not and I just wanted to hear some other opinions...
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Jun 27, 2008 5:27:07 GMT -5
Good girl, Juniper :-) That's exactly how I feel, too. But now, that I'm taking care of my bro, Im so surprised about people's reaction. I have met so much misunderstanding or pity which really drives me mad. It's like they can't bloody understand why I'm doing it on good days or on bad days I just get a pat on my shoulders from idiots asking me how I cope.... All I'm asking for is for people's ignorance or acceptance but please, spare your pity!!! I just felt that I was going mad and maybe people were right and that it was crazy of me trying to be a full-time caregiver... but I still feel it's not and I just wanted to hear some other opinions... good girl to you too,Thesa-the best reason in my opinion to do something like that is out of love,not for the abstract idea of becoming some saintly martyr earning imaginary brownie points,or because you think of it as a chore you're obligated to do.i think that's why a lot of people react with pity,because they think that those are the only motivations that could really drive someone to make that kind of serious committment.in my eyes,though,if you're doing it for those reasons,even though it's a good thing to be doing,your motivations are pretty selfish.your brother's a lucky guy to have you,and i respect you for doing it. hang in there!
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Post by rob on Jun 28, 2008 13:18:05 GMT -5
I know I'm talking to the totally wrong platform of people but still... all I need is some opinions... Sometimes, all it takes is a millisecond of your life, or that of somebody close to you to change completely ... and irrevocably. One moment things are fine and bright and the next moment nothing is the same. Now imagine something happened to someone close to you, family members, loved ones, anybody...: imagine a disease or accident leaves them totally dependent on other people, people like YOU. So.... would you or would you not take care of them? And with it all that it takes to take care. Knowing that with their dependency, your INdependency is also gone, flushed down the toilet, knowing that that ain't a temporary situation but maybe a permanent one, knowing that there won't be any more times-out as you're on CONSTANT CALL. So would you or would you not? i know for a fact that the human heart is bottomless. just when you think you've given everything inside of you, you find more in reserve... and you give more..... initially with doubt; eventually without question. the great irony of it is that as the more you give the larger your heart becomes... and yet it takes only the tiniest of joys (or hint progress!) to bring fulfillment. i admire your selflessness thesa and expect you to have questions/doubts. no, i don't think its in me to do the same right now (i remain quite selfish and couldn't love anyone, save for my children, to contemplate such a sacrifice).... but i'm sure that in time you'll reach that inflection point above. And when you do, it's a total reversal, as if each and every day he's giving something to you.
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Post by buff on Jun 28, 2008 19:16:10 GMT -5
Yesterday, my mom underwent a surgery involving the removal of the gall bladder because of gall stone infection, like it blocked some tube there that caused the infection. She was in pain, then confined in a hospital for five days to bring down the fever before starting the operation. She’s recuperating right now and expected to go out of the hospital on Tuesday. She only needs to rest at home for at least 1 month. After that, she can do everything except lifting heavy stuff. She can still continue her small business (that she had established after my birth) except that she has to be accompanied by a family member when buying stuff and that she has to minimize the trips she has to take. Her diet also needs to be regulated from now on.
The hospital that I chose to take care of her case was really good and an expert on that field and the charges were covered by a medicard from my brother’s office so we only need to pay minimal, except for the medicines she has to take when she’s recuperating at home. A few months ago, one of our younger neighbor who’s also my sister’s peer underwent the same procedure as her in the same hospital and she’s now doing well. So I know my mom will do well also.
My sister and I planned everything over the phone and thankfully, everything has gone well so I feel calm. I only got nervous the first time I knew about the surgery that was needed to be done. Then, took a breath, thought about what to do quickly, got a second opinion and we immediately moved her to the best hospital and not the hospital where it was first diagnosed but only covered 1/3 of the medicard for the same procedure - yes, that one overcharged for the same exact procedure.
And I also got the opinions of my doctor friends by confirming the results of the blood test, the BP, the medicines being given, and everything else, which my friends also approved of, so I’m felt a bit relieved.
As for my dad, he is a fighter. The first time he was confined in a hospital was eight years ago when a mucus was drained out of the small portion of his lower right lungs. It’s a success. His second one was when he felt pain on his left hand and started palpitating. Turned out that his blood pressure was a wrecked, and the doctor was amazed by how he wasn’t weakened by anything else except for the pain in the left arm and palpitation (because who knows it could be worse like heart failure). Now he’s taking maintenance medicine for the blood pressure. He does everything now like gardening, walking/exercising, golfing, and even help in building houses. He is also very disciplined when it comes to his diet. My dad loves life and wants to continue living for a long time. And in his heart, he always sees his children as kids and that he needs to be a father figure for us for a long time.
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Post by thesa on Jun 29, 2008 5:10:11 GMT -5
good girl to you too,Thesa-the best reason in my opinion to do something like that is out of love,not for the abstract idea of becoming some saintly martyr earning imaginary brownie points,or because you think of it as a chore you're obligated to do.i think that's why a lot of people react with pity,because they think that those are the only motivations that could really drive someone to make that kind of serious committment.in my eyes,though,if you're doing it for those reasons,even though it's a good thing to be doing,your motivations are pretty selfish.your brother's a lucky guy to have you,and i respect you for doing it. hang in there! I'm doing it all for the love, sure, but still I think that obligation comes from loving somebody. I wouldn't feel obliged to help anybody if I didn't love them. And even then, I think that I can still have some blue days too... I know that I'm in a much better situation than my bro, but still, sometimes it gets me even though I know it shouldn't. i know for a fact that the human heart is bottomless. just when you think you've given everything inside of you, you find more in reserve... and you give more..... initially with doubt; eventually without question. the great irony of it is that as the more you give the larger your heart becomes... and yet it takes only the tiniest of joys (or hint progress!) to bring fulfillment. i admire your selflessness thesa and expect you to have questions/doubts. no, i don't think its in me to do the same right now (i remain quite selfish and couldn't love anyone, save for my children, to contemplate such a sacrifice).... but i'm sure that in time you'll reach that inflection point above. And when you do, it's a total reversal, as if each and every day he's giving something to you. thanks for your kind words, rob. It's a give and take already, my bro is a great person to take care of. I created that thread while feeling a little down because of having to justify myself for what I'm doing a lot of times and that really made me feel soooo tired. Most of the times things are fine and between my bro and me anyways... I just didn't think that this needed explanation to others... Meh, maybe I should've just posted in the friggin ranting thread
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Post by thesa on Jun 29, 2008 5:13:21 GMT -5
Yesterday, my mom underwent a surgery involving the removal of the gall bladder because of gall stone infection, like it blocked some tube there that caused the infection. She was in pain, then confined in a hospital for five days to bring down the fever before starting the operation. She’s recuperating right now and expected to go out of the hospital on Tuesday. As for my dad, he is a fighter. The first time he was confined in a hospital was eight years ago when a mucus was drained out of the small portion of his lower right lungs. It’s a success. His second one was when he felt pain on his left hand and started palpitating. Turned out that his blood pressure was a wrecked, and the doctor was amazed by how he wasn’t weakened by anything else except for the pain in the left arm and palpitation (because who knows it could be worse like heart failure). Now he’s taking maintenance medicine for the blood pressure. Hi buff, hope your mother is recuperating fast! You sure did a good job in finding a good hospital and looking after your mom! Hope your dad is fine, too
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Post by buff on Jun 29, 2008 14:44:58 GMT -5
Thanks Thessa. I think everybody is fine. Hope everyone in your family is doing well too and much respect for you for being a good sis. The key is everybody especially the parents who are reaching their prime always need something to look forward to, have many friends around, spend time with children, and maintain a healthy lifestyle. My dad does maintain a healthy diet but my mom was a bit stubborn when it comes to food. But now she realized that there's a need to follow a strict diet. You'll realize how important the parent's health is especially when most of our neighbors have one of the parents gone from an illness or disease. And to think that my dad had been 5 to 10 years their senior and having out-live them makes me admire his determination to live long, though I feel sorry for his friends who could have had been saved if their case have had been detected early or treated right.
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