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Post by swinger on Oct 7, 2008 22:28:16 GMT -5
Lots of people leave their BF or GF for someone more appropriate/hotter/smarter/richer/____er... It takes two to tango, so is it OK to go after someone with a GF or BF? Are there limits?
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Post by dead0baby0chick on Oct 7, 2008 22:30:34 GMT -5
I only think it's wrong to go after someone taken if I'm friends with the person they're seeing.
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Post by straylight on Oct 7, 2008 22:35:16 GMT -5
Limits? Uh, yeah, if it's a serious relationship, just leave it the hell alone. You usually have to employ dishonest/sabotaging type of bulls*** to get someone to listen to you, while they're already in a relationship like that anyways... and dishonesty is no way to kick something off..
I think smarter/hotter/richer are horrible reasons to leave someone btw. Not denying that it happens.. just my two cents. That kind of superficial s*** is what's wrong with this world.
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Post by swinger on Oct 7, 2008 22:37:54 GMT -5
Don't assume that the existing relationship is based on a deep meaningful connection - it could be shallower than the one that's waiting in the wings. As a matter of fact, does that enter into the OK or Not OK factor? Let's say two people had a pretty obviously superficial relationship and you had a real connection with one of them and thought there was potential - what then?
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Post by long on Oct 7, 2008 22:38:48 GMT -5
"What's your man got to do with me?"
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Post by swinger on Oct 7, 2008 22:39:53 GMT -5
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Post by straylight on Oct 7, 2008 22:41:52 GMT -5
Don't assume that the existing relationship is based on a deep meaningful connection - it could be shallower than the one that's waiting in the wings. As a matter of fact, does that enter into the OK or Not OK factor? Let's say two people had a pretty obviously superficial relationship and you had a real connection with one of them and thought there was potential - what then? Sweep her off her feet then. Then pat the other guy on the back. ;D |
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Oct 7, 2008 22:45:02 GMT -5
sorry,but i'm black and white on this one.if it takes two to tango that means there are two people with questionable morals involved.
the argument i usually hear when people ask whether or not it's ok to go after someone's s.o. is 'well,there's no ring on his/her finger.' as if the only valid committment is marriage.when two people commit to being monogamous,i think it should be respected,regardless of whether or not they intend the comitment to be lifelong.and i agree with Stray that to truly turn the head of someone in a relationship there's some sabotaging/potential dishonesty going on,whether it be on the part of the seducer or seducee.
you wouldn't steal someone's purse just because they don't have receipts for everything in it,right?just because someone doesn't have a piece of expensive jewelry doesn't mean they're up for grabs,either.
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Post by swinger on Oct 7, 2008 22:45:49 GMT -5
Don't assume that the existing relationship is based on a deep meaningful connection - it could be shallower than the one that's waiting in the wings. As a matter of fact, does that enter into the OK or Not OK factor? Let's say two people had a pretty obviously superficial relationship and you had a real connection with one of them and thought there was potential - what then? Sweep her off her feet then. Then pat the other guy on the back. ;D After I take the knife out, right?  (This isn't about me...or anyone...just a hypothetical) |
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Post by swinger on Oct 7, 2008 22:49:46 GMT -5
sorry,but i'm black and white on this one.if it takes two to tango that means there are two people with questionable morals involved. the argument i usually hear when people ask whether or not it's ok to go after someone's s.o. is 'well,there's no ring on his/her finger.' as if the only valid committment is marriage.when two people commit to being monogamous,i think it should be respected,regardless of whether or not they intend the comitment to be lifelong.and i agree with Stray that to truly turn the head of someone in a relationship there's some sabotaging/potential dishonesty going on,whether it be on the part of the seducer or seducee. you wouldn't steal someone's purse just because they don't have receipts for everything in it,right?just because someone doesn't have a piece of expensive jewelry doesn't mean they're up for grabs,either. OK, let's say that the partner of the person is an open cheater and abusive as well. Does that still make it unethical and is the relationship to be respected? Doesn't that perspective in some way treat the person as the other person's "property"? Assuming the other person has the right to exercise free will and is not chattel, is it unethical to leave a bad relationship for a potentially good one? Or for it to be "ethical" does a person have to go through the charade of breakup, wait, then get together - the same end result with an artifical sequencing? |
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Post by long on Oct 7, 2008 22:55:01 GMT -5
Generally the committed person should simply end the dissatisfying relationship. Ultimately, it's not much of a victory if you're the one who ends up with a person willing to go behind their partner's back.
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Post by straylight on Oct 7, 2008 22:56:17 GMT -5
No knives.
Just be upfront about an offer, I guess. Let the person accept that offer or not, leave the relationship, and come to you. Or not.
Trying to break something up more overtly is just asking for trouble. I really don't see many relationships as being that easy to break up -- not without being cold and dishonest about it. Secondly, you could even have sex with this "hypothetical" person.. and then when it came down to actually breaking this dysfunctional relationship of theirs up, you'd hit roadblocks. If people aren't already leaving willfully, then obviously, there's something they're getting out of it still (for better or worse). So it's best to just jet and go about your way.
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Post by dead0baby0chick on Oct 7, 2008 23:01:33 GMT -5
@long: Sometimes leaving is easier said than done. I know it's cowardly, but when you're emotionally tied to someone, even though you know it's not working...sometimes leaving is just too difficult. sorry,but i'm black and white on this one.if it takes two to tango that means there are two people with questionable morals involved. the argument i usually hear when people ask whether or not it's ok to go after someone's s.o. is 'well,there's no ring on his/her finger.' as if the only valid committment is marriage.when two people commit to being monogamous,i think it should be respected,regardless of whether or not they intend the comitment to be lifelong.and i agree with Stray that to truly turn the head of someone in a relationship there's some sabotaging/potential dishonesty going on,whether it be on the part of the seducer or seducee. you wouldn't steal someone's purse just because they don't have receipts for everything in it,right?just because someone doesn't have a piece of expensive jewelry doesn't mean they're up for grabs,either. What if they have the ring, but it's inexpensive?  I don't think it's questionable morals, at least not necessarily. Everyone has their own personal morality and as long as you live by it then all's good. As far as marriage goes...I'd be less inclined for the reason of it being a possible headache for me. But I wouldn't be morally disinclined there either. I think that people tend to have this Glenn Close boiling a bunny idea of those that start seeing someone who is in a relationship. This idea that it's all about trying to steal someone and being manipulative and scheming is a load of bunk in most cases. Sometimes sh*t just happens. People leave their gfs/bfs for others all the time, I've done it and had it done to me. It's human nature and I don't see it as this horrendous crime against coupledom. Relationships end, and then life goes on. Committed relationships aren't sacred to me unless I'm the one in it. Call me mercenary but...I just don't care.  |
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Post by long on Oct 7, 2008 23:09:03 GMT -5
@long: Sometimes leaving is easier said than done. I know it's cowardly, but when you're emotionally tied to someone, even though you know it's not working...sometimes leaving is just too difficult. I hope you agree that once you're at the point where you're considering straying there's something dramatically wrong and the relevant issues either need to be immediately addressed within the relationship, or it's time to move on. As far as emotional attachment goes, believe me I know all about that, from both ends - having, at my young age, been in an off and on 10 year relationship. |
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Post by long on Oct 7, 2008 23:11:12 GMT -5
Trying to break something up more overtly is just asking for trouble. I really don't see many relationships as being that easy to break up -- not without being cold and dishonest about it. I'll definitely agree with this. If it's not happening naturally you really should leave alone. You don't want to end up with a cheater who's just as likely to be unfaithful to you in the future. |
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I don't think it's questionable morals, at least not necessarily. Everyone has their own personal morality and as long as you live by it then all's good. As far as marriage goes...I'd be less inclined for the reason of it being a possible headache for me. But I wouldn't be morally disinclined there either. I think that people tend to have this Glenn Close boiling a bunny idea of those that start seeing someone who is in a relationship. This idea that it's all about trying to steal someone and being manipulative and scheming is a load of bunk in most cases. Sometimes sh*t just happens. People leave their gfs/bfs for others all the time, I've done it and had it done to me. It's human nature and I don't see it as this horrendous crime against coupledom. Relationships end, and then life goes on. Committed relationships aren't sacred to me unless I'm the one in it. Call me mercenary but...I just don't care. 