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Post by swinger on Jan 4, 2009 15:24:59 GMT -5
1st week = Pain 2nd week = Anger 3rd week to 2 months = Memories It passes, time heals all wounds + penguin. not solely applying it to boyfriends/girlfriends/romance but you people seem like fast healers. a broken heart, (not specifically applying it to romantic love either) takes me a lot more than a month to get over. even a year won t do the trick. when you get attached too easily you often wonder if you shouldn t do like other people do for you and stop caring for them after what? 3 weeks ? makes you wonder how long it takes for the people you care/have cared for to forget/have forgotten about you. If you fall so deeply so fast for someone....you have to step back and wonder if you are falling for the person (who you really do not know that well) or for some fantasy of that person, or of a love affair itself. That said, losing a deep connection regardless of its basis in reality is still loss, and heartbreak is heartbreak. Everyone is different, for sure, and you may take longer than others. Sometimes people who claim to be "over" a heartbreak...really aren't. It's best not to compare yourself to other people, just try and get some emotional strength back. And, welcome to the site!
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Post by Subuatai on Jan 4, 2009 18:04:00 GMT -5
Heh well I'm still human, but 2 months is pretty much the longest time it took me to get over a heartbreak, and I knew that girl for years. Perhaps my 'fast healing' is due to my past childhood experiences. Or past trauma if you like.
When I was very young I encountered a rather serious life or death situation where I had to patch myself up from a serious heartbreak within hours if I wished to survive. I was traumatized for a full 2 weeks however, despite patching myself up. After effects of that never really healed -> then again, do you consider that emotional hardening needs healing? I've actually accepted such a 'gift'.
I can't deny however that the wound will remain for years, the only difference is that I've been trained at a young age not to acknowledge the pain even if the wound is there. It was that experience as well that pushed me to the ancient ways of my people including an old tradition that men do not cry, we bleed.
Some people found me psychotic as I have quite a few scars that I inflicted on myself whenever the pain got too much. Sometimes I cut too much and passed out once haha. Heh good times. This experience also taught me further to handle emotional pain just like physical pain however.
Pride is also an element here, if I had my hands laid down on a table and my enemy sliced my hands off I do not wish to scream to give him the satisfaction. Same thing with moving on after heartbreaks I do not wish to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they caused me pain.
Pride is something that kept me going too, I despised myself when I was a child and weak, I wrote my own moral code and vowed never to be so weak, naive and pathetic again. So to take longer then 2 months to heal, for me, I'll become the little kid that I despise. I can't have that. Hence I gave myself very little room for emotional stuff since the age of 12.
To achieve what I need to achieve through heartbreak I guess another of my strategies is to keep myself busy and surrounded by mates. Never alone, never idle. Because whenever I'm alone or idle after a heartbreak my mind drives me insane with pointless thoughts about the past which do not benefit my present thinking or my future. Not to mention I tend to go crazy with my blade -> and it's not very healthy to bleed TOO much.
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Post by Subuatai on Jan 4, 2009 18:21:12 GMT -5
Yup, and it takes courage to jump off a cliff as well. But I refused to remain naive, remain weak, because I needed to survive. I did what I had to do to survive, no more, no less.
I will never deny that the wound exists, but I always deny pain any effect that it wishes to impose on me. When I was working as a welder I once had some molten metal dropped on my arm. I didn't scream, I just acknowledged the signal that my body is being damaged and removed the molten metal. Same thing I do with emotional pain, I find out what has to be learnt, what mistakes have been made, and move on.
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Post by Subuatai on Jan 4, 2009 18:25:01 GMT -5
Heh I haven't cut myself for a few years now and I have no idea why, maybe I just got used to things. Well... except about 2 years ago one of my mates was crying about how I cut him by accident. He wrapped about like 50 bandages on himself. I felt guilty and was quite pissed off, so I grabbed the knife, cleaned it, slashed myself across my arm, opened up the wound so he could see the white tissue beneath my skin and forced him to look at it. Forced him to watch as my blood closes up the wound ne way. He stopped crying Either way, I'm quite happy nowadays so there's no real need of it Btw, please do post about moral codes, would be very interesting
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Post by Subuatai on Jan 4, 2009 18:48:26 GMT -5
Well... to be honest it wasn't really an accident, he just broke up with a girl and wanted to try my little "Steppe Ritual" to see if it helps... and well, it kinda didn't work. That's also why I kinda slashed myself so he'll shut up and stop crying about it heh. LOL the only knifes I used were the jagged edge steak ones, the sharp edged ones didn't hurt enough hence - the spiritual effect is weaker. Only kitchen knives Besides I don't harm others with blades unless of course -> they ask for it.
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Post by alphamikefoxtrot on Jan 6, 2009 1:47:16 GMT -5
That's just kooky.
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Post by penguinopolipitese on Jan 6, 2009 4:07:34 GMT -5
+ penguin. not solely applying it to boyfriends/girlfriends/romance but you people seem like fast healers. a broken heart, (not specifically applying it to romantic love either) takes me a lot more than a month to get over. even a year won t do the trick. when you get attached too easily you often wonder if you shouldn t do like other people do for you and stop caring for them after what? 3 weeks ? makes you wonder how long it takes for the people you care/have cared for to forget/have forgotten about you. it once took me 5 years to get over someone. I was f***ing destroyed. you're fine.
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Post by DivaDancerLara on Jan 6, 2009 10:10:10 GMT -5
^wow
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Post by Roam'n on Jan 6, 2009 20:42:08 GMT -5
Ya takes me an inordinate amount of time as well... . 3 yrs for the divorce.... 2 yrs for my last gf. (which was strange because i was only with her for 3 mo). I've pretty much convinced myself that i'm not built to have an LTR with anybody. Hence i've been alone for 3 years now and I'm quite content about it.
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Post by Subuatai on Jan 7, 2009 2:25:37 GMT -5
^ STRs are nice, casual relationships can fill in the time.
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Post by votingblogger on Mar 10, 2009 18:29:10 GMT -5
I turn the lights down and play a mean violin.
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celltocell
Full Member
get your blood moving
Posts: 218
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Post by celltocell on Mar 21, 2009 4:57:33 GMT -5
what robyn said, keep busy. go out with your friends, have some fun...do something productive. just focus on progressing in other areas of your life. i think the most important thing to do is just focus on yourself. the brightside of being single is that you do not need to answer to anyone. the downside is that there's no one to cuddle with!
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Post by Subuatai on Mar 21, 2009 7:00:43 GMT -5
Next time, just have a rebound ready, you'll hit singlehood again but with someone to cuddle temporarily until you feel better.
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Post by votingblogger on Mar 21, 2009 10:56:53 GMT -5
Chad's on the rebound too. You guys should rebound together.
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Post by LaFace on Mar 21, 2009 11:09:32 GMT -5
^Chad + Tampon for another EAN match-up? If you put it in the corresponding thread, I think it would be Tampon's second or third pairing. The fiery ones can be quite popular. It's the taming I tellz ya. My taming theory probably falls apart if it's just rebounding though...
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