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Post by Subuatai on Dec 20, 2008 12:12:54 GMT -5
Oh, and what sucks if one of your own relationships is too based on someone's attraction to you, they might f**k with you for it later. If you're a guy or a girl, your probably going to get sh*t.. like, your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't know how to trust you. I don't care what you think about yourself. You could look like sh*t. But if your partner doesn't think so, and it's a big part in how they view you (not to say they can't be attracted to you.. that would be ridiculous.. I just mean if they bring it up a lot), then you're in trouble. Trust can only be built through time, so are emotional bonds. Beauty just allows both trust and bonding to be possible for a given couple. There are a huge number of reasons why people involve themselves in relationships, from pure sexual desire to pure materialist desire to even convenience. Only way to find out what they're in for - is to either perform tests or let things be and see how things play out. By the way, from my experience testing your partner will never eliminate the doubt, it will always be in your mind. You will always find excuses to doubt until the trust is established - and that unfortunately, takes time. Trust is built through all the little things.
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Post by swinger on Dec 20, 2008 12:18:01 GMT -5
Oh, and what sucks if one of your own relationships is too based on someone's attraction to you, they might f**k with you for it later. If you're a guy or a girl, your probably going to get sh*t.. like, your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't know how to trust you. I don't care what you think about yourself. You could look like sh*t. But if your partner doesn't think so, and it's a big part in how they view you (not to say they can't be attracted to you.. that would be ridiculous.. I just mean if they bring it up a lot), then you're in trouble. Trust can only be built through time, so are emotional bonds. Beauty just allows both trust and bonding to be possible for a given couple. There are a huge number of reasons why people involve themselves in relationships, from pure sexual desire to pure materialist desire to even convenience. Only way to find out what they're in for - is to either perform tests or let things be and see how things play out. By the way, from my experience testing your partner will never eliminate the doubt, it will always be in your mind. You will always find excuses to doubt until the trust is established - and that unfortunately, takes time. Trust is built through all the little things. Sensible ideas and in my experience 100% true.
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quiapo
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Post by quiapo on Dec 20, 2008 18:41:57 GMT -5
Some people are never able to trust, despite all manner of tests; it has to do with self esteem.
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Post by swinger on Dec 20, 2008 20:10:46 GMT -5
I'm a person someone can trust. I'm as loyal as one can get Does not compute. I dunno, that sounds vengeful and untrustworthy, not "as loyal as one can get" to me. We are, however, entitled to see ourselves in whatever light we choose. Shine on!
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quiapo
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Post by quiapo on Dec 20, 2008 21:51:39 GMT -5
Does that mean that your disbelieving partner defined what you are, and what you did? It seems an uncomfortable situation, and confusing for you.
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 21, 2008 7:06:03 GMT -5
On Flat Top's defence I've been in a similar situation. 3-4 years ago I got involved with an attractive, but horribly insecure young lady. As time went by, if I spoke to another girl, she chucked a fit, if another girl called me, she goes absolutely insane for weeks. Hell if I even dare play-flirt with another girl, she suffers a nervous breakdown.
Everytime we were together she didn't care about me at all, but way more interested in whether I was loyal or not. I had hoped too that she would come to trust me, and despite proving myself many times it was simply not enough. And YES I did try to break up, many times, but she chucked pity fits so bad that I just couldn't find it in my heart to break up with her. Love out of pity was what it was for a good freakin 10 months.
And then... it happened... I met someone else, someone who looked at me as a human being not as a possession to be chained. However, I was still very loyal to her despite her insecurities. I even told her about this new girl, hoping that I could gain her trust by showing that I have nothing to hide. It didn't help, she went nuts over it. I was 'forbidden' to talk to my new friend, she cried in front of me until I promised to her I wouldn't continue hanging out with my friend.
Heck, and once when this new girl called me in front of my gf, she chucked an enormous fit. Ordering "Tell her you don't want her to call you ever again!" and all that sh*t. In the end this pushed me away so hard then I ended up spending more time with the new girl then my gf herself. As we grew further apart, I was convinced that I had to end it.
So I told her my decision, and whao! She threatened to freakin' commit suicide ffs. I had to get her parents freakin involved in the breakup just for her own damn protection. Hell, memories... good thing I'm no longer chained to such anymore.
Heh the irony, because this 'new girl', happened to turn out to be my current gf for 3 years. We began as friends, grew closer, took us a while to get together because she needed to feel sure that she wasn't a rebound and I needed to be sure that I'm ready for another relationship. 3 years have passed, we treat each other as equal partners, see each other as assets not as possessions. Hell we both even once play-flirted with others even in front of each other because there is almost longer any doubt whatsoever of each other's loyalty. 3 years of all the little things built a very strong trust... but it's not perfect either.
It takes YEARS to build trust, it takes 10 seconds to destroy it. Our trust was seriously shaken in one occasion however - my doing, not hers. I was drunk and kissed someone else, another girl who liked me was jealous and proceeded to tell my gf. When I was confronted, I lied to her face about it. We broke up for a while after that, shattered us both.
But yeah, trust is the most important thing in my opinion in relationships. To me, what I've learnt in my experience, it's much more important then 'Love' itself.
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 21, 2008 7:49:51 GMT -5
Heh I guess for me I just keep raising my standards, and don't bother looking anymore. Raising your standards also means you'll be closing yourself off from many encounters but to balance things up - raising the standards of YOURSELF helps. As when I was young someone taught me that "It's not finding the right person, it's being the right person", and those words have been in my heart since then, though only when I matured I learnt the full meaning of it. Besides, it's a fact that fantastic women exist, but they ARE fantastic -> which means, they deserve someone fantastic as well. Which means -> before you judge yourself to be better then the women you've dated, first, check the mirror And so I've learnt the true meaning of what my friend taught me. Besides I don't like the idea of anyone being 'out of my league'. I have the blood of conquerors, and I want the very best. Settling for any less screwed me up big time.
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Post by blunthammer on Dec 21, 2008 11:06:27 GMT -5
I find it amusing how gals usually find it unimportant. I wonder if that is genetics too? Take what you get ? Haha, rather chavenestic of me
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 21, 2008 11:29:06 GMT -5
Heh Stray I'm not trying to turn it on you or anything, I'm sorry if I came across that. I guess I forgot to also mention that the choosing of partners itself is also a life skill to be learnt. For me I've made quite a few stupid decisions in my life, I've picked a shocking partner as well as described above as you can see. I accept full responsibility for it - only way for me to learn not to repeat the mistake. The best part about this mentality is that I don't have to hate anyone, but my own stupidity. Guess this frame of thought helped me with moving on, detaching myself from all emotions from that person, including anger or hate. Looking at myself in the mirror helped me move on I guess
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quiapo
Junior Member
Posts: 188
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Post by quiapo on Dec 21, 2008 14:40:55 GMT -5
Sometimes we are only attracted to people who are inappropriate for us, whle those that would be compatible are fouind to be boring.
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Post by Paddy on Dec 22, 2008 10:07:15 GMT -5
Back on topic. I wouldn't mind an unattractive partner. it's well known I think John Cazale was cute. But is someone unattractive if you find them 'cute'??
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Post by alphamikefoxtrot on Dec 23, 2008 3:04:19 GMT -5
"Men fall in love with the women they are attracted to, while women become attracted to the men they fall in love with."
Or something like that. It's a generalization to be sure.
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 23, 2008 12:35:36 GMT -5
Sometimes we are only attracted to people who are inappropriate for us, whle those that would be compatible are fouind to be boring. story of my life! but then again I really wouldn't know who would be compatible that I find boring. Or at least those boring ppl are so boring they're not making much effort conquering me so yeah... I cannot be blamed for not trying to conquer someone who I don't find attracting and who doesn't even show they'd be interested in me, can I? I'm failing to understand this situation =/ Can you explain - how can you exactly find compatibility in those who you find boring in the first place?
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quiapo
Junior Member
Posts: 188
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Post by quiapo on Dec 23, 2008 13:56:48 GMT -5
Commonality and sharing without effervescence
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Post by jeepin4x4girl on Dec 25, 2008 4:53:14 GMT -5
Here's my 2 cents. When it comes to the guy, looks don't matter, just the size of certain appendages have to be rather large in order for me to be attracted to them. I gotta check out all the eggs in the carton before buyin' them, you know what I'm saying?
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