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Post by TeeHee on May 31, 2009 21:07:14 GMT -5
I've gotten into some exchanges here and there both online and in real life on the topic, and was curious to see more. I'm mainly referring to people who are otherwise mentally stable but just happen to have what the general mainstream population refers to as a "physical disability." I use the word "disability" in quotes and rather loosely. Whatever the given "disability" may be, my general rule of thumb is, as long as it doesn't drastically disrupt my daily routine lifestyle, I don't see why not. In my particular case, his "disability" was never an issue with me. So obviously I would/am.
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Post by Subuatai on May 31, 2009 21:29:38 GMT -5
Depends what kind of disability, but for most cases, nope
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Post by Groink on Jun 1, 2009 2:22:04 GMT -5
Depends what kind of disability, but for most cases, nope I think I'm with Sub on this one, but maybe with a bit more leeway.
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Post by halfbreed on Jun 1, 2009 3:36:24 GMT -5
My initial reaction is 'no', but who knows what would happen really? If I liked them enough, I guess I would, but it's probably not something I would choose from behind a veil of ignorance.
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Post by Phil on Jun 1, 2009 6:38:48 GMT -5
I would, so long as I like the person.
i was pretty much disabled for half a year. In hindsight a few dates would have been very theraputic. When others can only see the disability it makes it very hard for oneself not to identify as the disability.
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Post by Paddy on Jun 1, 2009 7:59:48 GMT -5
Voted Yes, but I would go out with them because they are disabled!
If I was attracted to them, then why not. Obviously it depends on circumstances. If they had a congenital disability then I would likely give it more consideration.
Edit: for those who read my initial response, there was a typo. Should read: Voted Yes, but I wouldn't go out with them just because they are disabled!
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Post by Paddy on Jun 1, 2009 13:08:03 GMT -5
We'll never know the true story behind that one. Takes two to tango. (and 4 to Twist & Shout).
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Post by TeeHee on Jun 3, 2009 0:49:06 GMT -5
I would, so long as I like the person. Voted Yes, but I wouldn't go out with them just because they are disabled! Of course! Well, unless you're an abasiophile or some other form of paraphilia, but that's a whole nother topic in of itself. The scenarios I had in mind were people who really liked certain people who just happened to have a "disability", but decided not to date them because of it, even though they were otherwise attracted to them. For example, one girl I knew was really into this guy who was in a wheelchair; she said he would've been "the perfect guy" for her, but she didn't pursue anything further with him because of it. I know of multiple cases like that one. I was once acquainted with this girl who dated a guy who only had one arm. From what she described, he was a great guy and she was in love with him; and while she didn't have a problem with it, she got grief from folks commenting on why she would date someone who's "not normal" or "missing something." That said, I don't condemn folks who wouldn't date a "disabled" person, as I acknowledge it's not for everybody(depending on the case). But I take issue when such folks question myself or others who would, as though these people are some sort of charity chase. As I mentioned before, his "disability" was never an issue with me. Don't get me wrong, our relationship is by no means perfect. I've certainly had my fair share of issues with him, but none of them were related to this. I sometimes feel like the disabled one . One example involves our communication when we're out driving. For the times that he's behind the wheel driving and I'm in the passenger seat, there is no gap in our communication, which is [American] Sign Language. He could have his eyes straight ahead on the road but at the same time, see my Signing to him without having to turn his head and diverting his attention. Whereas if the situation was reverse and I was the one in the driver's seat, I couldn't do the same. I'd have to wait til we're at a stop light or something in order to look over. So as you can imagine, he does the driving most of the time. Having been born deaf and living his whole life without that sense of hearing, his other senses are heightened, like vision. His peripheral vision especially is sharper than that of most "normal" hearing people. There have been several instances where he notices things I don't, not because I wasn't observant, but because he just sees more from other angles that I as a hearing person usually don't. So while there are folks who'll have their views of what they consider to be a "disability", recurringly seeing instances like these has made me come to use the term rather loosely.
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buffyuna
Junior Member
The Tabasco Kid
Posts: 94
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Post by buffyuna on Jun 3, 2009 10:06:16 GMT -5
Even tho its shallow, I would only date one if they were really really hot.
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cm
Junior Member
Posts: 68
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Post by cm on Jun 3, 2009 13:00:02 GMT -5
It depends. Is it genetic? How severe? In the end of the day, these are legit questions to ask. If you marry somebody with multiple sclerosis, there's a large chance that that awful disease may be passed down to your offspring. In the end of the day, disease is a legit reason not to 'date/marry' somebody. You also have to ask, will this person hinder your life in taking care of him/her? If you ever marry and have kids, will that person be able to obtain a reasonable job so that you don't have to be working 60 hours a week, or that you won't have to cut work to take care of them.
If the disability were not genetic, then I don't see anything wrong. Say somebody lost a leg at war, the person will still be able to function perfectly...especially in today's society.
You can say the same thing with race. Certain races increase the chance of debilitating genetic diseases passed down to offspring if they marry within. So I wouldn't blame those people to marry out in an effort to avoid passing down these diseases to offspring. Otherwise, there is not much basis in avoiding to date certain races, as there is for avoiding dates with disabled people.
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Post by TeeHee on Jun 4, 2009 1:08:48 GMT -5
It depends. Is it genetic? How severe? In the end of the day, these are legit questions to ask. If you marry somebody with multiple sclerosis, there's a large chance that that awful disease may be passed down to your offspring. In the end of the day, disease is a legit reason not to 'date/marry' somebody. You also have to ask, will this person hinder your life in taking care of him/her? If you ever marry and have kids, will that person be able to obtain a reasonable job so that you don't have to be working 60 hours a week, or that you won't have to cut work to take care of them. If the disability were not genetic, then I don't see anything wrong. Say somebody lost a leg at war, the person will still be able to function perfectly...especially in today's society. And that makes perfect sense, if disease is involved. However, there are many "normal" people who have a disease but don't necessarily have a disability. The example you mention, multiple sclerosis, has symptoms varying from mild(numbness in the limbs) to more severe(paralysis). The ADA(Americans with Disabilities Act www.ada.gov ) doesn't have a list of medical conditions that constitute disabilities, but it has a general definition of disability that a person must meet in order to be protected under ADA law. Currently, the ADA defines disability as "a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits a major life activity, a record of such an impairment, or is regarded as having such an impairment." By that definition, some people with MS do have a disability under the ADA while some others don't. In either case, the chance of passing on genes for a potentially life-threatening disease is a legit concern, and hypothetically, it's certainly something to take into account regardless of whether or not the person is disabled. When it comes to obtaining a job, I'd be more concerned about ignorance/discrimination from the employer than anything else, not whether or not the disabled person could do the job. Because I've known several people who were very much qualified for the job(s) they applied for, but were rejected [most likely] because of what the hiring manager(s) judged of them for their disability. Granted, ADA law mandates that no employer discriminate against a prospective applicant on the basis of their disability, but they'll still find loopholes to get away with it unless there is some sort of evidence to prove a strong case against it. For example, the given disabled applicant or worker could file a grievance against the employer that they were discriminated against on basis of their disability; but unless they could substantiate concrete objective proof that it was specifically their disability for which they got such unfair treatment, the employer could just lie and get away with it. The ADA was enacted with a great purpose and has protected the rights of the disabled to some extent, but it's up to individual people like myself and my colleagues spreading awareness to keep these folks in line and in observance of these laws. Additionally, in the same way that I'd recommend living in a fairly multicultural city for mixed people/minorities(if you can help it), I'd recommend the same for people with disabilities, as there's generally more awareness/observance of such laws and, in turn, more likelihood that the disabled person could have a fair chance at getting a decent job to where they could live as independently as possible. Incidentally, my guy makes much more than me; well, that in of itself doesn't really say much But he's loaded, after some years of saving up and developing his business(es); so between the two of us, if anybody's the moocher, it would be me
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Post by Subuatai on Jun 4, 2009 5:14:51 GMT -5
Yeah, strong genes is one of my prerequisites, to be honest this may be very shallow; but I never liked dates without 20/20 vision.
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Post by ahliang on Jun 4, 2009 8:20:06 GMT -5
^no offense but that seriously is the stupidest thing i ve ever seen you write. at least you re honest about it but i m left dumbfounded by such shallowness and downright stupidity. in fact, it s funny you claim to be so much more mongol (asian) than your assert your white side, because it s in fact more likely that asians wear spectacles. and aren t you the one who said we re all human in the end? i understand that someone may not date a disabled person because that person s disability might be too much "work" to adjust to, but not date someone because they have a disease or have specs and no "strong genes" ? so what happens when your wife will need specs? if she falls ill or if your kid, for no reason develops some disease? i seriously feel bad for your wife...i remember you writing somewhere you d send her to the gym after her pregnancy. dude, a healthy weight woman should gain between 11.6 and 16 kg or 25 and 35 lbs during pregnancy. if you re so big on "strong genes" (whatever that hogwash s supposed to mean...) why criticise her weight gain because if not for it the fetal development would be likely mediocre and your child wouldn t be getting enough nutrients. and....i wanted to respond to you in another thread but i don t want to make it seem like i m using you as my target or anything so i guess i ll tell you here...... but you seem way too hung up on race...so what? you re part mongol she s part chinese? maybe your ancestors were ennemies but i really don t see how that plays such an important role (you ALWAYS bring it up no matter what the discussion is...i seriously fail to see how that makes it all the more difficult for you guys...unless you re trying to picture yourself as romeo and she juliet to add a little zing to your love story...)...i mean, for most eurasians or even mixed people anyways there ll likely be a love/hate story between the race/ethnicity of both parents'background ..but i don t see anyone making such a big issue out of it aside from you. i voted yes.
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Post by stray on Jun 4, 2009 9:01:29 GMT -5
subutai now disabled from getting his ass ripped out ;D
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Post by palaver on Jun 4, 2009 9:32:19 GMT -5
^He's made his Nazi thoughts known from the beginning. I think he's being overly honest--turning his gut reaction into a final judgment.
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