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Post by Ganbare! on Nov 9, 2009 20:55:39 GMT -5
I was having coffee with a work group from grad school, a bunch of people comes in. After 10 minutes of mutual odd and puzzled stares, a girl calls my name. Surprised, I ask her how she knows me, I didn't recognize them at first but turns out they were old acquaintances and friends from high school, I had not seen in 4 years !
It was weird to see that I had forgotten them while they had vivid memories of me. Guilt took me over a little before understanding an hour of chatting later that we finally didn't have much in common anymore... They remained the same for the most part, stagnated should I say while I went overseas, experienced different things and changed consistently.
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Post by milkman's baby on Nov 10, 2009 0:09:27 GMT -5
Do you have a ponytail?
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Post by Ganbare! on Nov 13, 2009 23:07:50 GMT -5
What are you trying to say?
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Post by Ganbare! on Nov 15, 2009 19:42:26 GMT -5
It was a little sad to see how evanescent relationships can be if not maintained..
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Post by penguinopolipitese on Nov 18, 2009 9:34:04 GMT -5
I'm amazed lately how basically it wouldn't have made a difference if I'd never met almost all the people I met in the last 5 years. I don't feel close to them at all and don't miss them now that we've gone our separate ways... It feels really sad to know life can go on like that.
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Post by Ganbare! on Nov 18, 2009 10:17:07 GMT -5
Yeah, indifference for people you used to care for is even more saddening somehow.
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Post by ahliang on Dec 18, 2009 20:34:15 GMT -5
not sure but...isn t it a tad pompous to say they stagnated but you didn t? that you evolved and went overseas but they stayed the same? how can you be so sure if you just caught up over dinner? if even...
they could have and most certainly met new people, have started seeing someone seriously...their future spouse who knows, moved out of their parent s place, have gotten a job...met people from completely different horizons in uni...just like you met new people travelling abroad...
although my friends didn t study abroad, when i meet up again with them, i can only imagine how much they must have experienced every year that i m away. on the surface, they re just like they used to be, med students, living in the same place, doing the same things, with the same old passions etc...after hours of catching up...good grief! they re the same yet they re so far away from when i had last seen them! 2 of my HS friends broke up: HS sweethearts...on the surface you don t think much of it...the girl and the boy both got new people in their lives...hours later i learn: he was beating her up, he cheated on her, went into a depression...she found someone new, got mono and another thing i won t mention on top of that, was out of school for 6 months, did charity work instead...became more of a hippie than she already was and got involved in oh so many charities and NGO...although physically speaking, and when i talk to her at first...small talk....superficially speaking... she s still the same....and it s like that with all my HS friends...even though they look and appear to be the same...i find it hard to believe how long a way they ve come since i had last talked to them...
i have a hard time believing you couldn t recognise them after merely 4 yrs...that s nothing...
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Post by Ganbare! on Dec 20, 2009 18:17:27 GMT -5
Like I mentioned before we had the time to talk and they sounded the same old bunch, never left the area (a small suburban city), same friendships moreso. I did not mean it in a detestable way, I was only thinking about how radical my change was in just a few years (to which EAN contributed) and the way it has affected my relationship with them.
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Post by toyomansi on Dec 21, 2009 12:15:01 GMT -5
It feels strange to come back to the same old town after spending lots of time "out in the world". You have really changed, you have expanded your horizons and gained a broader perspective of things, but the people you used to relate to before who stayed there are still on the same level as when you left. And they will still expect you to relate to their every day experiences in the same way as before, without regarding that you have had much bigger experiences, met many different people and learned so much new while being away.
Well, at least that's my experience ^^ Just reflecting on this issue since I'm now returning to my home town for a little while, before going off to Asia next year.
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Post by thesa on Dec 23, 2009 2:27:50 GMT -5
I realize that it is veeerrrryyyy selfish of me but when I return to places that I left a while ago I want them and the people in it to be just the way when I left them. It gives me a cozy feeling and makes the staying away from home part easier. It always makes me sad to realize that you're losing common grounds with old (close) friends. And somehow, I think, that none of us actually change so much. Of course, there's different jobs, different experiences, new friends, blablabla but deep down, you always stay the same.
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Post by penguinopolipitese on Jan 18, 2010 5:22:33 GMT -5
It feels strange to come back to the same old town after spending lots of time "out in the world". You have really changed, you have expanded your horizons and gained a broader perspective of things, but the people you used to relate to before who stayed there are still on the same level as when you left. And they will still expect you to relate to their every day experiences in the same way as before, without regarding that you have had much bigger experiences, met many different people and learned so much new while being away. Well, at least that's my experience ^^ Just reflecting on this issue since I'm now returning to my home town for a little while, before going off to Asia next year. I recently returned home too and I feel this exactly. Me and my sister both moved to fairly large cities for school and coming back home now it's hard to fit in. Just people have such different agendas here. It's get married young, never get out of the country and everyone seems to be either a nurse or pipefitter.
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Post by One Eye on Jan 20, 2010 23:55:00 GMT -5
Meh, you sound a tad full of yourself, Ganbare. I mean...I've traveled and done my thing and my life has changed over the years, but I wouldn't be looking down at an old friend just because their life had stayed the same (unless they were more of a frenemy to begin with). You sound like you're pretending to just be shocked and saddened by how little you had in common anymore, but there's a thinly veiled note of smug superiority tearing through my nostrils right now. You might wanna rein that in.
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Post by Ganbare! on Jan 21, 2010 0:19:00 GMT -5
Like penguin said you cannot force yourself to relate with people you have nothing in common with anymore no matter how much you want to, in my case we had already little in common before even leaving but you wouldn't know that since you are new here.
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Post by One Eye on Jan 21, 2010 6:10:29 GMT -5
There weren't any subtle nuances in your post that a noob couldn't catch. Try rereading your post, it drips with thinly veiled smugness. If you're going to be smug, then own it. Passive-aggressive smugness is sooo annoying. Nobody said you have to relate to your ex/old friends. But mocking them with the pretense of "feeling sorry" for them is just bulls***.
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Post by rob on Jan 22, 2010 11:16:21 GMT -5
There weren't any subtle nuances in your post that a noob couldn't catch. Try rereading your post, it drips with thinly veiled smugness. If you're going to be smug, then own it. Passive-aggressive smugness is sooo annoying. Nobody said you have to relate to your ex/old friends. But mocking them with the pretense of "feeling sorry" for them is just bulls***. That was quite the entrance..... welcome.... care to introduce yourself?
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