Do you ever get questions/comments about the ethni

[TeeHee]

In my experience…for the times I'd dated anyone, and other folks hadn't seen them yet, the typical first question I would get about them is their race/ethnicity. Either that or they'd already jumped to make whatever assumptions about who they think I tend to date/am attracted to.
For instance, months ago, after finishing our shift, a group of my co-workers and I went out for dinner and just kickin back. In the process, I told them "my boyfriend's coming out, he'll be joining us here shortly". At this point, some of them knew my ethnicity, but none of them had ever seen him, yet were so quick to comment "I can just picture him- big guy, been in and out of prison, hates white guys". It would've been one thing if I had a track record reflecting a tendency towards that type and they knew it, but I don't. Without me having ever mentioned anything about him up until that point, they'd automatically assumed that he was not white. And even the times where I'd gone out with ethnic non-white guys, they weren't the "in and out of prison" type, but that's beside the point. On the flip-side, I've also been assumed to be dating a white guy even though the guy at the time was not.

So yea, in the same grain that I constantly get questioned about my ethnicity, a common accompanying question is about the ethnicity of my significant other after they find out if I'm dating somebody. I'm not completely sure how this goes with full asian people(as I've seen much variation), but I somehow don't see white people getting questioned about this nearly as much, as I guess they're generally assumed to be dating other white people unless otherwise indicated. What are y'all's experiences with respect to this?

[penguinopolipitese]

almost never. I asked one of my chinese friends once what his parents would think of him dating a black girl and it was a resounding no. kind of made me look at them different. I doubt my parents would care. But sometimes people tend to follow what might be expected of them... then again all of out parents didn't.

[Emily]

I've noticed Filipinos will almost always ask me what ethnicity my boyfriend is. Also, most of coworkers are non-white women of diverse origins and upon learning I had a boyfriend, they almost right away asked what ethnicity he was. No assumption, but they did automatically think he might not be white. I don't think they presumed in a sense or another, though. Whereas in the case of white people I meet, it's never brought up.

I guess because the ethnic question is something that naturally occurs to non-white people whereas white people simply just don't think of it?

Here, in France, I've had the opposite experience than you with regards to what ethnicity people assume my boyfriend is. A bunch of (white) girls I met here asked me some questions about my boyfriend. They asked if I had a picture of him and seemed really surprised when they saw that he was Asian.

I have a feeling they were expecting a white guy by the things I had said (just general things about how we met, what he studied, etc because they were curious). Because what I had said about him wasn't specifically Asian (perhaps the lack of keywords such as martial arts, anime, buddhist ), they thought he was white and were taken aback by him being Vietnamese.

[Shock]

Feb 9, 2009 5:46:06 GMT -5 Emily said:

I guess because the ethnic question is something that naturally occurs to non-white people whereas white people simply just don't think of it?

White people are frightened at the idea of being labelled "racist". That's why they seldom speak openly about "race".

Feb 9, 2009 9:30:19 GMT -5 Flat Top said:

I have had black guys ask me if I date black guys and well I'm frank, I don't. And most of them take it well. That's just life. I don't condemn others who don't date certain types.

From my male point of view, I can tell you that was a an indirect way to ask if you wanted to date them, but i think you've already understood it.

[Miyuki]

People always assume my husband is an Asian guy for some reason. They never come out and say it, but they're always like, "I pictured him totally different!" and I know what they're thinking. It doesn't bother me though. My husband gets the same thing with me.