Name change and identity

[Ganbare!]

The relation between last names and racial identity has often been tackled but I'd like to know what you think about changing one's first or last name to reflect one's EA identity. Have you ever thought of taking your mother's maiden name to highlight the different origin of your first and last name?

[nakanaka]

Hey tetra...

I've considered changing my last name so that it reflects my EA-ness.... mostly because my parents didn't want me to have to go through what my dad has as a kid (he's also EA, but I'm also half asian... which is a bit of a long story....) But I really wish people would be less confused by my name.... and that my parents had at least put my asian (japanese) middle name on my passport

[Emily]

My parents gave me two last names, of which I am very thankful. I really do think that they both serve in some way as a reflection of my double heritage. Filipinos have this pesky habit of referring to me as Emily *French surname*. There is no malice behind this, it's not because they want to highlight that perhaps I'm not Filipino. But rather, I feel it's the opposite, that I'm lucky enough to be "white". So yes, in my experience, people's perception of my identity is reflected in their choice of how they call me. I always make it a point to correct people if they only call me by my French last name.

Which brings me to this dilemma I have where I'm thinking that I want to give both my last names to my children. While also taking their father's name. Obviously, I'm not going to burden my children with 3 surnames. It feels like I'll have to make a choice between my two heritages. Had my parents both been white and chosen to give me both their names (as is very common here), I probably wouldn't be making such a fuss about it. I'd gladly pass on one name without feeling like I'm "betraying" part of my identity. Perhaps just some thoughts about the tradition of passing on my father's vs my mother's name, but I'll spare you the feminist discourse.

[Paddy]

I have an unfeasibly long name (though I'm there are many here with longer): Patrick Stephen Peng Loong Youell. Obviously I often need to abbreviate it, but I'll usually refrain from abbreviating to 'PSY' by insisting that 'PL' keeps its place, even though you can't tell that it refers to my Chinese name. I'd feel that I was betraying a part of myself, even by shortening my initials.

I would love to adopt and incorporate my mother's maiden name into my surname. Then I'd be Khoo-Youell, but it doesn't seem right to do that at the age of 30! I use her name to go along with my own Chinese name, and that works very well (especially as I often use my Chinese name): Khoo Peng Loong 邱平龙.

So, I wouldn't change my western surname, but I adapted my Chinese name. And this was endorsed by the clansmen of my grandfather's village in Fujian who insisted on calling me Khoo even before I had thought to use it myself. I think they were angling for some cash.

[rob]

^ call me captain obvious, but if identity means that much to you, the only solution is to marry a filipino or filipino EA

[Paddy]

Jun 28, 2009 3:45:22 GMT -5 rob said:

^ call me captain obvious, but if identity means that much to you, the only solution is to marry a filipino or filipino EA

^^^
Actually, it seems like there's a blurred distinction between personal identity and cultural identity. Do you wish the names of your children to contain a cultural marker (and western or asian name to compliment there father's surname), or do you want them to have a piece of yourself. It appears narcissistic, rather than culturally sympathetic, to wish to hand down both of your surnames.

[jefe]

^ What, pray, is a "very common EA name"? I would love to know what this is.

Another alternative is to have more than one name.
I have
- former name
- official name
- alias

So I do use all three.

None of them contain my mother's German surname.

When my mother divorced my father, she kept his surname so that "she would have the same surname as her children" but I ended up changing my surname anyhow (to match my paternal grandfather).

[rob]

Jun 28, 2009 4:18:43 GMT -5 Paddy said:

Jun 28, 2009 3:45:22 GMT -5 rob said:

^ call me captain obvious, but if identity means that much to you, the only solution is to marry a filipino or filipino EA

^^^
Actually, it seems like there's a blurred distinction between personal identity and cultural identity. Do you wish the names of your children to contain a cultural marker (and western or asian name to compliment there father's surname), or do you want them to have a piece of yourself. It appears narcissistic, rather than culturally sympathetic, to wish to hand down both of your surnames.

I don't have a strong view on this and was posting in reference to Emily's desire for her children to retain her filipino middle name... as for her motives and whether it was her own specific name or a filipino name in general, I can't speak on her behalf.

Not sure whether narcissism really comes into play that much.... i can sympathize with a woman's desire to want to retain her cultural identity and pass as much of it as possible down to her children including the name.... it's esp tough for us EAs since there's a 95%+ chance we'll marry someone who doesn't perfectly mirror our cultural identity.. and so with marriage, there's just a little bit of us (maybe a big part) that goes lost.

[jefe]

I think people should be able to choose what name they want to have (and in fact they do have this right when they reach the age of majority).

So regardless of what their mother decides (and I don't believe that this may always be in the best interest of the child), the child will eventually have the right to make this decision for him/herself.

So I agree when parents do that, it is a narcissitic motivation on the part of the parents, and not a reflection of what is best for the child.

Unfortunately, this is not the case with all of what most parents decide for children.

[Kush]

I've thought about changing my surname, my current one is very boring, to my mums maiden name of Yang (on paper she's gone by Yong & Young in true Chinese variation but it sounds closer to Yang). I don't think I'll ever change my first name.

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a tool with two English names.

[Paddy]

Jun 28, 2009 5:36:10 GMT -5 Kush said:

I've thought about changing my surname, my current one is very boring, to my mums maiden name of Yang (on paper she's gone by Yong & Young in true Chinese variation but it sounds closer to Yang). I don't think I'll ever change my first name.

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a tool with two English names.

Do you have a Chinese (middle) name?

Jefe - why do you have so many names? Is it something akin to the Chinese tradition of accumulating names and titles as one gets older or is it an informed choice based on lifestyle and/or beliefs...or something else?

To what extent do you think changing your name reflects a deep set insecurity? (I'm not accusing anyone of anything - this is the Devil's question! ;D)

[Kush]

No, English middle name as well. So actually three English names.

To your final question, maybe a little but not much. For me, it's just about not wanting to be taken for someone I wasn't. People currently see my name and think I'm white English. Whereas, with a Chinese surname it is clear from the offset.
There is also no balance, having three English names when I am only half English.

[Ganbare!]

It's pretty funny to see that only one female have posted her opinion, as if names matter a lot more to males' identity.
Never really thought about the idea of changing name after marriage but that is probably because men seldom do, I might do it I my future, hypothetical wife has a nice name... Who knows it's not like my family's gonna be mad at me, most of us do not even share the same last name.

[Paddy]

Jun 28, 2009 6:47:48 GMT -5 Ganbare! said:

It's pretty funny to see that only one female have posted her opinion, as if names matter a lot more to males' identity.

That's probably coz you only put the thread up 12 hours ago! And EAN isn't exactly the busiest place these days

Kush - do you you know why your mum didn't give you a Chinese name? I agree with your balance comment.

[fei]

Well my Chinese friend given me a Chinese name cause they cant pronounce my real name correctly. So my Chinese name is "Fei Hong", it kind of cool for a non Chinese guy who talk Mandarin and Hokkien to have a Chinese name.