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Post by helles on Nov 8, 2009 22:44:33 GMT -5
funny, this came up yesterday with my mum. she was bugging me that i dont have a bf and its getting to a 'critical stage' as in, if i dont find someone soon, i'll probably never marry off. and how she is now lowering her expectations and blacks and indians are now "acceptable" as long as they "respected" her... so i said i was seeing a black guy - i'm not, yet. and she said she was fine. but the look on her face and pursed lips cracked me and my sister up. and she quickly changed the topic!
i highly doubt she'd be fine with it and was like: "well it will be you who everyone will be starring at and not me... "
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Post by soulsonick on Nov 24, 2009 0:12:59 GMT -5
Im pretty sure my parents would be ok since we grew up in a very multicultural neighborhood, where our block was 75% Black or West Indian - so i guess thats proof that your environment has a bit to do with it ... plus one of my older brothers married a black girl, with whom they had a beautiful half Malaysian half Jamaican boy. The entire family loves little Isaiah dearly, and my father ( who i suspected is slightly prejudiced, just a pinch ) is all over the little guy when he sees him.
The best thing I can tell you is do what makes you happy. You are supposed to be with the person who makes you feel good. You are supposed to marry the one you love, because you love them and they love you - end of story ... you are supposed to be with the person, regardless of what they look like because they make you happy - and not because you owe anybody anything or owe anything to your parents or ethnic community. Yes you love and honor your parents, but at the end of the day whats most important is YOU and what makes you happy. Either they deal with it or they don't. Love and acceptance is a beautiful thing - and if someone doesn't share that belief then why would you care what they think in the first place ? Embracing love and embracing the person who actually makes you happy is a positive thing - through and through, and cannot be trumped by anything negative ... anything.
Do you know how rare it is for people to find a person that makes them happy in this life ? Every morning millions and millions of people wake up with their heart aching from a life's long dose of loneliness and solitude. People go through the day heart broken and depressed because they know that when they go home, no one will be there waiting for them. They walk around hurting, searching and hoping to God that today is the day that they meet the man or woman of their dreams. Those same people go to sleep at night hurting like hell cause they know that they're gonna have to deal with the same sense of abandonment the next day.
Don't throw it away man, you might not find yourself in the same place of contentment with a person for a very very long time. Some people would kill for what you have. You can't do much more than sit your parents down, explain your feelings on the situation, what she means to you, and that even though you are considering their feelings, you're going to do what makes you happy because she makes you happy. Love isn't as plentiful as people think it is so when you find it don't throw it away because people don't approve. If they truly love you ( and im talking about anyone in your life ) they would want you to be happy ... period - regardless of how it makes them feel.
Good luck ...
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Szymon Von Zalyn
Full Member
50% Polish of Prussian descent, 25% Italian, 25% kalmyk, but 100% English.
Posts: 367
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Post by Szymon Von Zalyn on Jan 12, 2010 9:04:52 GMT -5
I think that my Mother would be shocked if I did marry someone who is black but I think she would accept her if she liked her but would not if she did not!
In that respect, she would be disliking her as a person rather than for her colour!
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Post by nadamas on Feb 15, 2010 6:46:45 GMT -5
I've never had a relationship with a black man, I like to think my parents would treat him the same as a non black person!
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Post by rob on Feb 15, 2010 10:47:12 GMT -5
I've never had a relationship with a black man, I like to think my parents would treat him the same as a non black person!Clearly, you aren't half Asian
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Post by admin on Feb 15, 2010 12:32:21 GMT -5
I've never had a relationship with a black man, I like to think my parents would treat him the same as a non black person! Parents are funny that way - well, they can be. Mixed-race couples have usually heard all the nasty things one can say about race and complain out loud about how people are ignorant, etc., but when it comes to their own prejudices and their children dating, well...
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conorsoccr23
Junior Member
EAN Spelling Bee Winner!
Posts: 158
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Post by conorsoccr23 on Jun 1, 2010 8:45:16 GMT -5
no my family hates people whos skin color is darker than a brown paper bag
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Post by Ganbare! on Jun 1, 2010 9:25:42 GMT -5
^My God I forgot how crude kids can be.
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Post by admin on Jun 1, 2010 9:46:07 GMT -5
The "paper bag test" was a real test used by some black fraternities and other organizations to exclude potential members. I've never heard of anyone applying it across racial lines, but this is a big world and there are lots of people in it.
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Post by Ganbare! on Jun 1, 2010 10:07:35 GMT -5
I had never heard about it until today, it's quite disturbing. I'd never thought people would go to such length simply to assess if an individual can be integrated into a group..
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buffyuna
Junior Member
The Tabasco Kid
Posts: 94
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Post by buffyuna on Jun 1, 2010 10:14:46 GMT -5
lol this is part of the reason why I don't think I could marry white/asian/non-black hispanic/or eurasian. My elementary and highschool were both pretty multiracial magnet schools, so I was able to make lots of friends from diff races. My 2 best friends were polish and Pakistani in fact. But anyway I would not be willing to pursue a relationship where I know the parents have racial hang ups against blacks. For one I couldn't put my kids thru something like that. Some of my biracial friends are still affected psychologically from hearing their white grandparents use the word "ni**er" or just saying other racist things in plain view of their grandchild. Also Ive never dealt with racism, so why would I potentially bring it in the family where I'm supposed to be "at home" and away from the big bad world? As dumb as it sounds I'd rather deal with the facade's people put up in public than with the actual racist inside.
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conorsoccr23
Junior Member
EAN Spelling Bee Winner!
Posts: 158
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Post by conorsoccr23 on Jun 1, 2010 10:15:58 GMT -5
it was a big issue in the black community (the paper bag test0
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buffyuna
Junior Member
The Tabasco Kid
Posts: 94
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Post by buffyuna on Jun 1, 2010 10:23:49 GMT -5
I had never heard of it until today, it's quite disturbing. I'd never thought people would go to such length simply to assess if an individual can be integrated into a group.. There have been recent studies questioning whether this test is just a myth. I believe they found that not one university outright discriminated against darker or lighter toned people with paperbag or "comb" tests. Doesn't mean that there weren't "light skinned" and "dark skinned" sororities tho.
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Post by Ganbare! on Jun 1, 2010 11:04:16 GMT -5
Im pretty sure my parents would be ok since we grew up in a very multicultural neighborhood, where our block was 75% Black or West Indian - so i guess thats proof that your environment has a bit to do with it ... plus one of my older brothers married a black girl, with whom they had a beautiful half Malaysian half Jamaican boy. The entire family loves little Isaiah dearly, and my father ( who i suspected is slightly prejudiced, just a pinch ) is all over the little guy when he sees him. The best thing I can tell you is do what makes you happy. You are supposed to be with the person who makes you feel good. You are supposed to marry the one you love, because you love them and they love you - end of story ... you are supposed to be with the person, regardless of what they look like because they make you happy - and not because you owe anybody anything or owe anything to your parents or ethnic community. Yes you love and honor your parents, but at the end of the day whats most important is YOU and what makes you happy. Either they deal with it or they don't. Love and acceptance is a beautiful thing - and if someone doesn't share that belief then why would you care what they think in the first place ? Embracing love and embracing the person who actually makes you happy is a positive thing - through and through, and cannot be trumped by anything negative ... anything. Do you know how rare it is for people to find a person that makes them happy in this life ? Every morning millions and millions of people wake up with their heart aching from a life's long dose of loneliness and solitude. People go through the day heart broken and depressed because they know that when they go home, no one will be there waiting for them. They walk around hurting, searching and hoping to God that today is the day that they meet the man or woman of their dreams. Those same people go to sleep at night hurting like hell cause they know that they're gonna have to deal with the same sense of abandonment the next day. Don't throw it away man, you might not find yourself in the same place of contentment with a person for a very very long time. Some people would kill for what you have. You can't do much more than sit your parents down, explain your feelings on the situation, what she means to you, and that even though you are considering their feelings, you're going to do what makes you happy because she makes you happy. Love isn't as plentiful as people think it is so when you find it don't throw it away because people don't approve. If they truly love you ( and im talking about anyone in your life ) they would want you to be happy ... period - regardless of how it makes them feel. Good luck ... Very touching. lol this is part of the reason why I don't think I could marry white/asian/non-black hispanic/or eurasian. Not saying it's exclusively an American phenomemon but I saw far more Black-White couples in Paris than in NYC. I know personally a few White grand-parents with mulatto kids families and they seem to be perfectly happy nevertheless the only one I know is not is the Anglo-American couple living next door, they never said anything in public but they would NEVER be seen with their grandchildren. Then again France has traditionally been more open to misgenation as no laws ever banned it, surprisingly it even is encouraged by politicians, the notion of race differs a lot depending on the country.
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buffyuna
Junior Member
The Tabasco Kid
Posts: 94
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Post by buffyuna on Jun 1, 2010 12:29:31 GMT -5
Not saying it's exclusively an American phenomemon but I saw far more Black-White couples in Paris than in NYC. Yeah didnt a lot of black entertainers in the 20th century move to france so they could get real roles? I know the girl that wore the banana skirt was popular (her name escapes me).
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