terms of respect in Asian cultures

[thea]

I haven't posted for awhile since I gave birth April 1, 2010 to the 4th addition to our family, a baby boy named Robert.
Well, a couple of days ago, my Irish niece-in-law spent some time with us. (I'm a born and bred San Franciscan of Filipino heritage, and my husband immigrated from Ireland.)My niece-in-law is 19, has a great disposition and is very independent.
Now in regards to cross-cultural relations....my mom who is 82 and came here in 1965 told me to have my kids refer to their OLDER Irish cousin as either Manang or Atte Sinead which means elder/big sister/female cousin in Ilocano or Tagalog. I know in other Asian cultures there are terms to refer to elder brothers/sisters/cousins or younger siblings/cousins.
I noticed that my husband's niece just calls him by his first name, without saying Uncle. I have noticed even the American born Irish cousins who are only 7 and 9 also call their uncles by their first name without saying Uncle first. (My mom tried to correct them once.) My mom said I ought to teach them our Filipino culture. Our kids know terms of respect to their elders.
I know in my husband's family son-in-laws and daughter-in-laws may call their parent in-laws by their first name as well. My husband adapted to our Filipino/Ilocano culture by calling my mom nanay (mom). He doesn't call her by her first name at all.
If my mom has friends in her age bracket I don't even call them by their first names, usually I say Nanang before their name.
Has anyone had to deal with this before? What did you do?

[monroe]

People usually refer to elders by their respective titles here in the US. Except for disaffected youth or if they're close in age.

Friend had an uncle named Daymond (not really sure how it was spelled) who, but we never recognized him as such because of age proximity


Or:

GOD I HATE THIS FAMILY, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STUPID RULES JOHN

DON'T YOU TALK TO YOUR FATHER THAT WAY

SHUT UP, SARAH, YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!!!!

don't really have anything useful to say, just anecdotes. Baa (aunty) and Luang (uncle) might as well be a part of my aunt and uncles names, because I've never addressed them without it. But really, before I understood the language I thought those were their names.

[quiapo]

Interesting situation!! Like you I have a strong Filipino heritage. Among my cousins, who belong to a wide range of cultures, I am addressed as Uncle among younger cousins (2nd and 3rd cousins) by those with a predominant Filipino or Spanish culture, and by my first name among anglo saxons. It only becomes a little strange when everyone is in the same room. Most unrelated younger Filipinos in public address me as "kuya" (older brother) even if I hardly know them, due to my senior years. Sometimes I get the tagalog title "Mang" .
Interestingly, Korean relatives address me by my first name, though I am sure there is a title for the degree of relationship; perhaps it is because they realize I dont share the language/culture.
I think you should address people with whatever term they are most comfortable with.

[TeeHee]

Jul 17, 2010 17:23:40 GMT -5 quiapo said:

I think you should address people with whatever term they are most comfortable with.

That reminds me of a humorous situation with these family friends of mine. I was originally friends with the niece/daughter, who's close in age with me. I remember one time, she and I were getting ready to go out with a group of friends and she'd mentioned her uncle would be joining us too. At that point, I hadn't met him yet and, while it wasn't a huge deal or anything, I'd imagined him as someone our parents' age, so I thought it was kinda strange at first how someone our parents' generation would want to hang out with us. But lo and behold, when I met him, I learned that she(the niece) and he(the uncle) were about the same age and that he had other nieces and nephews who were actually older than him.

Being that he was either the same age or younger than his nieces and nephews, they grew up together and saw each other more so as peers than as uncle-niece/nephew. Because their parents told them to do so, they'd initially address him by the Vietnamese title for uncle followed by his name, in which he told them they didn't have to. He was comfortable with them just addressing him by his first name and didn't care about the uncle title, so they'd take his word and address him by his first name. And amongst each other, that was fine; but if they did so in the presence of their parents/his siblings, they'd be getting an earful from their parents.

[quiapo]

TeeHee: Long ago I was told that Vietnamese families choose a line or two of poetry and incorporate a key word of the poetry as one of the 3 names of a child. The word used in the second name indicates which generation you belong to. That poem is used for generations until all the words run out, and then, new poetry is chosen. Efficient, and I wonder if this is still followed.

[2bob]

On my father's side of the family (who are anglo saxon) my cousins would often refer to auntys/uncles by their first name, whereas my siblings and mysef would say uncle so and so or aunty so and so. Once when i was younger a cousin of mine asked why we did that as it was "ridiculous"! I tried it out by calling an aunty of mine from my mums side by her first name (who are Eurasian) and was immediently scolded by my mother and forced to apologise HAHA. Is this an Asian thing, or...??

[toyomansi]

I think in Norway it's mostly common to address aunts, uncles and grandparents by their titles. With aunts and uncles they use the name after the title, but I think people don't use the name of their grandparent. My niece and nephew are exceptions, since they have never used my name, only "auntie". Now my nephew has a baby, and we're not sure if she should call me "auntie" or what... ;D I should have called my big brother "kuya" but mom didn't teach me that when I was young. I the Philippines I have a cousin whose niece is a couple of years older than she is, I don't think she ever calls her auntie.