studying abroad and family

[Soren]

yep, I'm about to finish school with my A-Levels and have to make a decision.
I'm not sure if it is really MY decision.. so I'll just tell the story:

my parents have both grown up in south Korea and moved in their late 20s to Germany. then, at some point, my brother and me started to exist. badum-tish.

my brother has been studying in Seoul for about 2 years and now that I am also about to get my a-levels, my parents want me to go to Korea as well. but instead of studying in Korea, I'd prefer to study in Maastricht (the Netherlands).

First of all, both universities are excellent, so it's not a question of "which university offers the best education?".
However, my parents want me to go to Korea for various reasons :
first of all, they want me to go Korea to set some roots in my supposed home country. They say that every Korean men must have studied in Korea in order to be socially accepted as a full Korean. I can understand this point as I'm not trying to'run away from the truth' or whatsoever.

Additionally, they urge me to go to Korea because they say that it will be my first and last opportunity to really study in Seoul, thus, I may miss one of my greatest opportunities of my life. And apart from that, they want us (me and my brother) to be together. going to Seoul technically doesn't imply that we live together.

But from my point of view, there are certain reasons not to go to Korea and instead go to the Netherlands.
When I was younger, my parents always told me to study in Seoul. now that i am older and hopefully wiser, i want to make my own decisions. maastricht is a university which i have 'found' on my own. my parents did not tell me anything about it and even the application was submitted without any external help, whereas in Seoul, my parents basically gave me all the papers and just told me to sign it. as i stated earlier, both unis are quasi on the same level. but I'd prefer maastricht because it feels more "right". When I think of Maastricht, I get the feeling that I am growing more on a personal level and that I am making my own footsteps, instead of just following my parents. I seriously believe that I slowly have to go my own way. my brother knows my inner conflict and tells me that I should not make the wrong decisions (uhu) but that he likes the idea of being with me in Seoul. however, if I literally follow my brother and my parents, I am likely to blame them if the whole Seoul-thinggy turns out to be 'wrong' for me. maaastricht however gives me the opportunity to go my own way and probably to make my own mistakes. but if these mistakes are of my own making, i cant blame anybody else but me. for me, being able to make own mistakes means to "grow".do you know what i mean ?
Going to Maastricht doesn't mean at all that I will 'leave' Korea for good, it just means that I want to do my bachelor degree and become more of an independent individual and just postpone Seoul.


I guess it's quite a s***ty situation. What do you think of it ?
Any advice on what to do ? Should I try to convince my parents that I have dreams and thoughts on my own ? Or give in to them so that 3 out of 4 can sleep well at night ?

p.s : i beg your pardon for my poor English.

[toyomansi]

Hmmm, this is a sticky situation, and in some ways I can relate. When I didn't know what I wanted to study, my mom encouraged me to take up nursing because it's a respectable profession and I can find work anywhere I want. But at the end of my first year of nursing, I discovered this was *not* what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to study something else, but my mom convinced me to at least finish my degree before moving on to something else. So I did, even though I felt this was not the right thing for me. Now, after finishing, my mother is still continuing to urge me to work as a nurse even when she had previously assured me that I could do anything I wanted after finishing my bachelor. This made me listen more to what *I* want, rather than just do what my family wants me to do. I realized that even though my parents can proudly brag about their daughter being a nurse, *I* am the one who will have to be stuck in a job I don't like. Now I am trying out different things that I myself find interest in and finding what I think is right for me. But my parents are still supportive of me, since I kept my end of our deal by finishing nursing.

Have you mentioned to your parents that you want to study in the Netherlands? It's not easy to break the expectations of parents, but while discussing things it's possible to make compromises. If you don't mind going to Seoul as well, maybe you can study in the Netherlands first, and then later find something in Seoul. You should follow your dreams instead of feeling regret later on.

[Soren]

Yes, I exactly fear that the same thing might happen to me, that iI find out that it's not what I want to do.

and yes, I told my parents that I'd prefer studying in the netherlands but it seems like they are as stubborn as me
their main argument is that their is always a certain order in life. according to them, it's like this is my only life-time chance of being admittted to seoul national university.. for whatever reasons. now i'm trying to gather some information about admission guidelines for master's program applicants. at first glance, it seems like it is indeed possible to do a bachelor in the netherlands and then apply for a master's program in seoul, but they keep telling me that it's virtually impossible to be admitted. do you have any information on that ? maybe they want to lure me into believing something ? or am i too prejudiced and naive ?