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Post by Emily on Aug 27, 2008 10:58:58 GMT -5
This is a great discussion! Thanks for bringing it back Sugarbaby! I also don't know where I fit into this canadian culture, a feeling I'm really not enjoying these days. Chris Highfive! I'm surprised so many of us have feelings of inadequacy when it comes to our Eurasian identity. Not knowing our Asian side or European side, that's all part of the Eurasian experience, the mixed experience. Whatever our personal story is as a Eurasian person, is the Eurasian story. I think most of us on this forum grew up in more White/European circles, even those of us in Asia, correct me if I'm wrong. In Thailand I met a girl who's dad was German and mom was Thai. Her dad and mom separated when she was quite young and so she grew up with pretty much only Thai influence. You could see that she was EA but apart from saying her dad was German she didn't seem to identify with being German. But that doesn't make her less EA. There are plenty of EA's like that, as immersed in Asia as we are in our Western worlds, and so they don't make it to these boards. One day we'll bridge that gap and party! Phil, why is it that you don't know where you fit into the Canadian culture? I ask, because I feel quite the opposite, Canada being a land of immigrants. I think a lot of immigrants may share similar experiences with EAs, what with juggling two or more cultures. I don't know if this applies to other Filipino EAs, but I've noticed many children of Filipino immigrants here can't speak Tagalog or their native dialect. Whereas I have yet to meet a Chinese, Viet or Korean person here who doesn't speka their language, even if they were born and raised here. It's as if Filipino immigrants in North America aren't as gung-ho about their children learning their language, which I find pretty sad. Maybe it's the americanisation of the Philippines... That said, I think this reality has helped me in not being affected with the plight of not feeling Asian enough. Clearly, after skimming the replies, mastery of one's Asian language is an important factor in feeling EA, or rather in being seen by other Asians as "worthy" of claiming the EA title. In that sense, I think I don't get any flack, even if I think it's a shame I didn't grow up with Tagalog. When I think about it now, I'm guessing some people might think I'm not EA enough, but they have the tact not to say anything. I realised this with something very trivial. I was having lunch with my Filipino dance troupe members and we were having sinigang (soup-based dish). Upon seeing me pour some soup over my rice and mixing it (as opposed to eating the soup alone with a spoon), one of my friends said: "OMG! You're mixing your sabaw (soup) with your rice. You really are Filipino!" I had never been made to feel non-Filipino amongst this lot, but that made me realise that maybe some of them don't fully think of me as Filipino. But I choose not to dwell on it, because I don't get any negative remarks. I think I look pretty 50/50 mixed, so in terms of looks, I've never had any grief about being EA enough.
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Post by viruslabrat on Aug 27, 2008 11:19:29 GMT -5
I look more Asian but culturally I'm more Australian. I don't have much connection to my mother's Filipino background. I don't know Tagalog or her preferred dialect (because I can't be bothered and I don't know anyone that I would speak it to other than her). That said, I don't connect much with my Dad's background, which is American. It really doesn't bother me. I feel like I'm accepted by other Aussies and my background just makes for another point of conversation - that's pretty much my EA experience.
Eating sinigang without rice would be weird.
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Post by Phil on Aug 27, 2008 20:46:50 GMT -5
OMG! You're mixing your sabaw (soup) with your rice. You really are Filipino!" . I've gotten that very commment (substitute filipino with mauritian) from my family. Its strange when people close to you say it. I'll answer your question later. EDIT I can't really tell you why I dont fit in here Emily. I dont really know myself. All I know is I don't feel right here, I can't be who I am.
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Post by nessnemi on Sept 17, 2008 13:51:56 GMT -5
All the half-filipinos I know can't speak tagalog. Neither can I. We all know those usual words ours mothers (because most of us have filipino mothers, not stereotyping ) shout/say to us and I can get the gist of her phone conversations (but maybe that's 'cause they are in taglish!) Without trying to sound unpatriotic to that half, I don't think I'm ever going to learn it... I mean I am interested in learning a few new words when I'm there just to be understood better and to be able to watch tv, but in terms of devoting my time to studying it? I have little interest. I think it's somewhat normal to not know the language of your asian half if you live in europe... especially if your mother/father is still learning the language of the country. Then they too would be encouraged to only speak that european language to help themselves intergrate into society, and thus we do not benefit from being billingual lol. To be honest being half and half never occured to me as being an issue until a few years ago when I met a person insecure about their identity, and I (albeit briefly) questioned mine too. But I've (nearly) always been comfortable to admit that I'm more european than asian... of course! I've lived here all my life and can't speak tagalog! But I enjoy aspects of my filipino heritage and although it's not present in my looks or in speech, I'll try to pass some of it down for future generations hehe
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Post by daystar on Sept 17, 2008 15:26:47 GMT -5
I'm actually less than 1/4 white, but my mom used to tell me to tell everyone I'm white, which had me terribly confused, especially since no one around me was about to buy that.
Do your looks make you feel more or less EA? Yeah, I've got a more European nose, a yellow complexion and chinky eyes (and I use that term with affection).
Do you wish you looked more white? Not really, no. Occasionally I wish I was white for really frivolous reasons (like I could be a believable redhead), but I don't really want to look white.
Do you wish you looked more Asian? Yeah, I do. I'm tall (5'7.5") and have big boobs, so when I tell people I'm Asian, a lot of people respond, "Aren't you a little tall to be Asian?" or "Asian girls are supposed to be petite..." Plus, I'd like a smaller, wider nose, plzkthx nature. I don't feel like mine fits my face very well.
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Post by toyomansi on Sept 17, 2008 16:09:32 GMT -5
I think it's somewhat normal to not know the language of your asian half if you live in europe... especially if your mother/father is still learning the language of the country. Then they too would be encouraged to only speak that european language to help themselves intergrate into society, and thus we do not benefit from being billingual lol Yeah, that's exactly the explanation my mom gave me when I asked her why she didn't bother to teach me... "I had to learn how to speak Norwegian first!" "Well, how many years did you need to be able to speak it already? 22??" lol! ;D When it comes to feeling more Euro or Asian, I think it also has to do with how well they have accepted you as one of them... If either side disownes a EA from early on, they're bound to end up preferring their "other side".
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Post by mrxcloudyxloc on Sept 21, 2008 4:45:58 GMT -5
I definitely identify with my Korean side more so than my white side. I was born in Korea and have been to Korea too many times to count over the years. I live here now, and have always ate Korean food, spoke Korean, been taught about Korean history and practice Korean customs and what not, attend a Korean church etc.
As for the white side, what kind of culture is "white". That's all I know about my white side, my pops has an English last name, but his family are all Californians, not English. Of course I'm going to identify with the culture that actually exists which is Korean.
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Post by jeremy1990 on Oct 5, 2008 8:40:47 GMT -5
Hmmmm well I'm Australian by birth but my ethnicity is as follows: 1/2 English, 1/2 Philippino. Good question. Around white people i get the impression from them I'm more asian which makes me wonder! since I'm 50/50 (love being mixed) Again when I travel to the Philippines I get treated like a european foreigner!! Identity Crisis!!! hahahaha I really don't know what I'm more of, But all i can say is that I've seen both sides and it generally doesn't bother me except when racial slurs get thrown around Being mixed has also helped me conclude (in my opinion) racism is never both ways it's always whites picking on everyone else. Due to this I guess I identify myself as more Asian or EA It's all good though BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!
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furbob
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Post by furbob on Oct 25, 2008 23:11:21 GMT -5
I probably act asian but look I look white, wish I looked more distinctively EA ._." -70% of my friends are asian so when we go out, I look like a wasian -I feel too awkward speaking cantonese, people think "a white girl speaking an asian langauge!?" -I hate it when people ask "do you need a fork?" at yum-cha, it's degrading
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Post by swinger on Oct 25, 2008 23:18:20 GMT -5
I probably act asian but look I look white, wish I looked more distinctively EA ._." -70% of my friends are asian so when we go out, I look like a wasian -I feel too awkward speaking cantonese, people think "a white girl speaking an asian langauge!?" -I hate it when people ask "do you need a fork?" at yum-cha, it's degrading I hear where you are coming from. Here's a little advice, worth what you paid for it: - Be happy you are with your friends and don't worry so much about what people who aren't your friends think. - Be happy and proud you speak Cantonese. Plenty of 100% Cantonese people in the diaspora don't speak any. - When people ask you if you want a fork, say "yes", and then don't use it. The joke's on them. Me, I use my chopsticks with my left hand sometimes just to show off. The world is full of ignorant people and you are not going to make much of a dent trying to solve that problem. I find it's better to focus on the happy and the good and care about what your loved ones think (to a degree) and don't worry about the morons of the word (of which there are many). I am not trying to say you don't have a right to be frustrated - you certainly do. My advice is to try and not let it bother you very much. At the end of the day, they have the problem, not you
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furbob
Full Member
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Post by furbob on Oct 29, 2008 1:20:44 GMT -5
I probably act asian but look I look white, wish I looked more distinctively EA ._." -70% of my friends are asian so when we go out, I look like a wasian -I feel too awkward speaking cantonese, people think "a white girl speaking an asian langauge!?" -I hate it when people ask "do you need a fork?" at yum-cha, it's degrading I hear where you are coming from. Here's a little advice, worth what you paid for it: - Be happy you are with your friends and don't worry so much about what people who aren't your friends think. - Be happy and proud you speak Cantonese. Plenty of 100% Cantonese people in the diaspora don't speak any. - When people ask you if you want a fork, say "yes", and then don't use it. The joke's on them. Me, I use my chopsticks with my left hand sometimes just to show off. The world is full of ignorant people and you are not going to make much of a dent trying to solve that problem. I find it's better to focus on the happy and the good and care about what your loved ones think (to a degree) and don't worry about the morons of the word (of which there are many). I am not trying to say you don't have a right to be frustrated - you certainly do. My advice is to try and not let it bother you very much. At the end of the day, they have the problem, not you I feel somewhat better that someone else can relate to what im coming at I think I'll always feel like a misfit hanging out with asians, its hard to ignore but trying to make myself asian is probably worse. With chopsticks, I like to hold the chopstick at the very hand to show off when im out with white friends that struggle using them; makes me feel dominant Thanks for your advice, you're probably being more optimistic than me, which I should be
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Post by ambiguous on Oct 30, 2008 16:40:20 GMT -5
For me, I think I associate with my Asian side in many ways. For instance, I often refer to myself as Asian, but I don't ever call myself white. Not that I have anything against my Caucasian half, of course. Though in other ways, I associate with my Caucasian half in the sense that my beliefs and actions are very different from those of my family back in Bangladesh. I speak Bengali, eat Bengali food, but I probably act more American than Bengali. So it balances out eventually.
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Post by carags on Nov 4, 2008 22:59:47 GMT -5
Do your looks make you feel more or less EA? in between
Do you wish you looked more white? No.
Do you wish you looked more Asian? Yes. I am tired of having to tell people I am asian and feeling like I need to defend my asianess
Do you wish you looked more balanced? Maybe. I am kinda caucasian looking now so I would like to be more asian. At least so people will say - "yeah she def has asian blood in her"
Do you feel like you're not good-looking enough to be EA (with all the EA beauty myths floating around)? Yeah, its pretty frustrating
Do you feel 'less EA' when people label you as either Asian or white? Yes.
When they do, do you correct them? Not really, I don't like to proclaim my heritage to people so people I don't know won't think I am a wannabe asian or something. Its really awkward though. I guess I am kinda a wannabe asian - though I am chinese-thai/irish 50-50 my mom brought us (me/bros) more while dad travelled back in thailand a lot (irony) so I am full blooded american, honestly. But I LOVE asian culture - shows/food/traditions/movies/music/men... lol
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Post by carags on Nov 4, 2008 23:01:24 GMT -5
but seriously knowing I am not the only one out there (and not feeling just wicked weird) has been an eye opener and kind of amazing
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Post by syn on Nov 9, 2008 2:06:47 GMT -5
Most of my baggage may have come from overseas, but it's been locked in customs from the the time I was conceived. And it's yet to be fully released. On the daily, I'm usually just carrying just a tote bag.
Responding to this I've had to eliminate some interal drive to label all of this as a social experiment in physiognomy/anthroposcopy and exploring internalized racism or cultural bias, from the inside out...
I guess, it's really that most of the time I don't feel comfortable refering to myself as either or any 'one' group that can attach itself to me or vice versa, and from the physical side that I don't represent whatever those ideal characteristics are supposed to be ... so I don't feel like I have much room to really say all that much, at least not without being caught in the crossfire.
(supposed to be - from the mainstream mythological standpoint for exotic sub species of the human race. And often on the political scope, it means choosing one above the other, particularly when they meet in conflicts. And even if I choose, I guess really I'm exiled from both.)
But that's when I'm consciously aware of it, made aware of it.
So, I suppose by default that puts me somewhere between, but then I'm pretty sure it's also still far off to the side.
Most of the time, I forget what I look like. I recognize that my background and personal history extends to communities beyond my looks, and often I forget the importance of looking the part.
If I'm looking at the news or politics, then I feel spread out everywhere. In public settings relating to politics (and politics is in everything), I *need* to be conscious of what I look like. The multiplicity of racism ... I'm not exactly politically correct, I'm a socio-cultural sabotager. I'm often in that uncomfortable middle that contradicts itself, forgetting the importance of the distance of depth between the surface and hidden layers of the pool.
But I still have that hestitation when it comes to forms and selecting a box.
When the census comes around, I'm usually in the 'other' category, but in some forms that's not an option. And with having only one option where mixed isn't a choice, the truth is "white" gets selected more.
And there's a few hangups to be toss Métis into the mix too. I think the history kind of goes to where most of us exist.
The history in trying to define ourselves as being more than just "one" or being the infamous "Other".
There's still this underlining feeling in some Métis communities and the perception from the outside that you're supposed to have more recognizable features, but neither too first nation or too white, or you don't belong. But then there's still the arguments between métis and half-breed, which draw on the lifestyle and social traits for definition.
But the generalized thought to be counted, you have to identify as an E/A of a different 'a' (aboriginal has become a popular term) as a whole 'half' regardless of what community you may live in.
But the generalizations are quite messy. And in all of it, we still have to rely on embracing some of the stereotypes. Some which may be true and recognizable, and yet many others that become the dividing line, if they're not embraced.
Yeah, I can relate to feeling like a wannabe. Sometimes it's easier being considered just a fanboi ... there's limited politics, drama or baggage involved.
When it comes to identity and my looks, the reality is with a quick glance, I look white.
But there's always been times I wanted to look "more white" or at least traditionally "white" usually for social gain and that simplistic notion that somehow it would make me more accepted, among the kids on the playground or extended relatives, some that went out of way to use it as a catapult for their social commentary either in awkward support or unveiled bias.
and yet there's been times I've wanted to be considered 'asian' without a footnote or having to prove validity, and yet to be connected to all my roots, but sometimes it's easier being considered just a poseur, a culture junkie that absorbed the culture through association than another washed out buttercream looking to prove his grandmother was an indian princess. (*note: the princess remark for the absurdity of it. -- Though reality is sometimes seems more absurd..)
With some of my interests and tastes, it's stereotyped to the 'a' and other traditions, become blended even without the conscious decision to do so. Sometimes there's a conscious effort given I'm drawn to the headtrips associated with all this. My 'looks' don't come first nor the communities I hang out in the most.
But of appearances, I suppose though, technically, it seems to shift every few years in me.
as a baby I looked pretty euro,
as a child, I looked more mixed than even just being EA
through my mid-teens to early twenties I looked more noticeably EA, a little more 'asian'.
These days I look more 'white'.
But when I'm alone it's non-issue, I sometimes look in the mirror without seeing any side of it. I'll shave, brush my teeth and be completely unaware. Maybe I don't see myself at all by any other definition than just being there.
Though like Z. said somewhere in the replies, most of the time it does depend on where I am and those I'm around...
when I'm in a mixed crowd, people on multiple sides pick up on it more.
In most non-white crowds, I stand out more...
And in most white crowds, there still seems to be a lingering question. I look more 'white' than non-white -- I've passed the grading, but it's in that category of "I know you're 'white', but what kind of 'white' are you"
I usually get questions if I'm icelandic or russian, or whatever. But my name throws them off too.
I've been asked for directions, more than once, in more than one location, from eastern euro tourists.... in languages other than english assuming I'd know. (and it's irrelevant whether or not I know! dammit!) I guess I just give off that vibe.
Which might be as much in mannerisms, physical and social, as much as in the characteristics of looks alone.
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