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Post by DivaDancerLara on Nov 9, 2007 11:19:58 GMT -5
Hey
ever been with someone or know someone whom you later find out is a player. You spend all this time with them and you go through hell to brake it off with the jerk. What do you do or say to the next person/victim who starts dating that person? Do you say anything sometimes I think you should but then that is a new relationship and I don't feel good about warning some random person I don't know and whom doesn't know me about all the future psycho crap that lies ahead.
Like there is two guys I knew whom I danced with as dance partners and they were jerks. Tried to play mind games on me and flirt and mess with my head. I later discover they prey on girls this way. So I cut them off but I always feel bad for the next girl they date. Cuz I know the trouble that lies ahead. See these guys do this and I am sure girls do this. They hurt anyone to feed their own ego. Reasoning with them doesn't work so you leave them and they don't care they just go and find another victim.
What do you do or have done in this situation?
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Post by cinnamoroll on Nov 10, 2007 16:38:35 GMT -5
^ I think if you are sure that they 'prey' on girls then it is fair to 'warn' the girls they date.
A lot of the time people warn other people about exes out of jealousy and bitterness, which is unfair because every different couple has different chemistry and so what didn't work with one relationship doesn't mean it will recur with future partners.
However, if the ex is particularly bad (like a shameless womaniser, liar etc etc) then it's kind of OK to warn someone.
As for me, I wouldn't warn anyone unless the above conditions applied and if I knew the girl/guy personally (e.g. my good friend dates an ASSHOLE ex)
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Post by jewbird on Nov 10, 2007 19:46:12 GMT -5
If you do that, won't the girl just end up being more attracted to the guy?
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Post by yongfook on Nov 10, 2007 20:31:44 GMT -5
If you do that, won't the girl just end up being more attracted to the guy? Exactly. You turn him into the "forbidden fruit" and she'll just end up sleeping with him sooner. In addition, you become the meddling gossip in both her eyes and - if she chooses to tell him - the guy's eyes. Frankly, I don't think it should be any of your business. Who is to say that the guy can't change his ways for that person, too? She might be the one great love of his life and you want to throw a spanner in the works because of petty jealousy. |
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Post by long on Nov 10, 2007 22:08:28 GMT -5
^ I think if you are sure that they 'prey' on girls then it is fair to 'warn' the girls they date. A lot of the time people warn other people about exes out of jealousy and bitterness, which is unfair because every different couple has different chemistry and so what didn't work with one relationship doesn't mean it will recur with future partners. However, if the ex is particularly bad (like a shameless womaniser, liar etc etc) then it's kind of OK to warn someone. As for me, I wouldn't warn anyone unless the above conditions applied and if I knew the girl/guy personally (e.g. my good friend dates an ASSHOLE ex) ^ yes If you do that, won't the girl just end up being more attracted to the guy? ^ no |
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Post by Ave` on Nov 10, 2007 22:45:47 GMT -5
emm... I have in my past been lucky for being warned by ex wives ex gfs etc .These ppl I dont know, but ended but becoming good friends with. I didnt breakup immediatly ofc. However in all of these cases the guy DID turn out to be an a-hole. So yeah, I do vote that PEOPLE should warn/shout/yell/duck if an a-hole in the perimeter.
I have in the past been warned about a guy who has HIV. Although, Im in no danger of sleeping with him. I think its proper to spead around. It might be a rumour but but ID rather miss a Mr. Right then consider the risk of having HIV. Its all about girls being together. We are all SISTERS.
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Post by Emily on Nov 10, 2007 23:19:29 GMT -5
If you do that, won't the girl just end up being more attracted to the guy? ^ no You'd be surprised. Girls might think the girl warning her is simply jealous or bitter like cinnamoroll said. Other girls like a challenge and think they'll be able to reform a player/bad boy. Many like to think they're special and that a guy will put an end to his philandering ways just for them. |
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Post by yongfook on Nov 10, 2007 23:35:30 GMT -5
You'd be surprised. Girls might think the girl warning her is simply jealous or bitter like cinnamoroll said. Other girls like a challenge and think they'll be able to reform a player/bad boy. Many like to think they're special and that a guy will put an end to his philandering ways just for them. which can happen, which is my whole point. don't go out of your way to wreck something that you cannot possibly know all the ins and outs to. I think most girls are big and clever enough to work out for themselves whether a guy is a total, womanising fvcktard or not without some well-meaning guardian angel trying to sabotage things just because it didn't work out for them or because the guy felt differently about them. female cock-blockers are the worst type of scum. |
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Post by long on Nov 11, 2007 0:12:54 GMT -5
Ok ok, I suppose some women go crazy for the idea of "particularly bad (like a shameless womaniser, liar etc etc)" guys.. but are there enough of these masochists to make the generalization I was contesting? Either way seems like you're doing them a favor by letting them know.  If a guy is lying to chicks in particularly heinous ways to get them in bed, I don't think any chick is going to go for that kind of guy. If I'm wrong, I suppose I need a new approach. |
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Post by Ave` on Nov 11, 2007 0:41:05 GMT -5
You'd be surprised. Girls might think the girl warning her is simply jealous or bitter like cinnamoroll said. Other girls like a challenge and think they'll be able to reform a player/bad boy. Many like to think they're special and that a guy will put an end to his philandering ways just for them. emm..I beg to differ. Only NAIVE girls would act like you proposed. They might not be ready to hear about it. DivaDanceLara, I guess the best way is to be friendly first. Wait till youre asked. Show that you feel pity for her but dont antagonize. If shes pull the "No, Thanx, Loser!" on you. Just leave, dont go into too much hassle. She prolly deserve it. Another Karma in progress. Ohh..and you prolly need to practice your I-told-you-so dance :] |
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Post by hapalicious on Nov 11, 2007 2:53:36 GMT -5
i pretty much agree with everyone s posts here...is anyone disagreeing ?
what i think emily was saying is that quite a few girls hope to be that oh so special girl who ll change this immature womanizer into a helplessly in love grown man.
basically the scenario of a lot of chick flicks. the popular jock sets a challenge and dates this dorky girl who turns out to be the ONE. he stops fooling around and enters a serious and monogamous relationship with that girl. though they don t conciously do it, a lot of girls might be hoping to become that so special girl and even without knowing it set themselve the challenge to turn a bad boy into a "good boy".
speaking of which, a friend of mine told me that this guy who s been urrrrr courting? me seemed quite cocky and that she didn t like him.
not that it made a difference but since i ended up saying yes to an outing with him...
(didn t exactly want to go but since we had both already had dinner and i hate having to sit through dinner on an apparent date... it makes everything so fake...why dinner? why a restaurant? why pick the girl up?....i did think that with him asking me so many times i d eventually have to accept and this seemed like the one opportunity to say yes and still not have to make it look so "official" and have to sit through dinner with him)
...but i did appreciate having her told me she too thought he was cocky because i think he is...and even if i wasn t interested and i did try not to consider what she had said while talking to him...it did feel "good" to know it wasn t just me who had this impression. nice person, but i wouldn t date him. and i don t like show offs. and i don t like when someone tries so hard to sound american when they re clearly not fluent (not saying i am...at least i don t sound american and i don t try to.)
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Post by Emily on Nov 11, 2007 11:52:29 GMT -5
You'd be surprised. Girls might think the girl warning her is simply jealous or bitter like cinnamoroll said. Other girls like a challenge and think they'll be able to reform a player/bad boy. Many like to think they're special and that a guy will put an end to his philandering ways just for them. emm..I beg to differ. Only NAIVE girls would act like you proposed. They might not be ready to hear about it. DivaDanceLara, I guess the best way is to be friendly first. Wait till youre asked. Show that you feel pity for her but dont antagonize. If shes pull the "No, Thanx, Loser!" on you. Just leave, dont go into too much hassle. She prolly deserve it. Another Karma in progress. Ohh..and you prolly need to practice your I-told-you-so dance :] Naive or not, it still remains that warning a girl about a player can have an adverse reaction. It's great that some girls will actually think with their head and back off if another girl lets them know about a bad boy. I'm glad it has happened to you. However, by offering such information to another girl, even with the best of intentions, it CAN backfire. Given the possible repercussions, I think it's best if one doesn't meddle with strangers' relationships. In an ideal world, us girls would all band together and heed each other's advice, but it simply isn't the case. |
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Post by honeyviper on Nov 11, 2007 14:47:35 GMT -5
Hmm...I think sometimes people won't even take the most well-meaning advice. I had warned a friend to not go out with a certain guy (who was actually my ex) and I know exactly how he is. He's very cemented in his ways and is very up front about not being Prince Charming. Alas, she didn't want to listen (and I don't blame her...it's hard to be objective when you're the one wrapped up in a situation) and ended up getting crushed and cast aside by him.
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Post by Ave` on Nov 11, 2007 20:17:59 GMT -5
honeyviper: Im sorry abt your friend. I hope she got over the guy and have a better understanding of man. However, by offering such information to another girl, even with the best of intentions, it CAN backfire. Given the possible repercussions, I think it's best if one doesn't meddle with strangers' relationships. In an ideal world, us girls would all band together and heed each other's advice, but it simply isn't the case. Emily: pls elaborate "backfire". Like I said you prolly need to be friendly 1st. In my case, I would prolly just laugh out loud "youre dating Brian?" laugh hysterically again. If she ask me why Id prolly tell. Id also insert a disclaimer that she should judge herself, in case he changed. In real world, us girls tries to help each other. |
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Post by long on Nov 12, 2007 2:34:07 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm with the Goddess on this one.. I don't really see how it can backfire. If the girl's looking for a project and she was going to be with the guy anyway... well, some people just have to learn the hard way. If the guy plays the same game with the new girl she's less likely to forgive his nonsense if she knew it wasn't the first time.
Not everyone will listen, but no harm in trying.
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