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Post by ladystacey on Jun 25, 2007 10:43:04 GMT -5
I have lost some close people at times when I was still a kid and didn't get it and as a teen and to absorbed in myself to give it much thought. My grandmother passed last Sept from lung cancer and it was the first time I decided to attend a funeral, I was very close to her and wasn't sure how to handle it all since I never really did before in pass deaths. The whole time I was o.k, sorta numb even though there are other people around me upset. When I saw her in her casket it was like it wasn't real to me. Not until I saw pictures of her and I and when I was a kid I had my melt down. I have not cried or been that upset for hours since like ever nor do I wish to ever experience that again. I wanted to just hide in the bathroom and not come out, I HATE crying in front of people but the more I held it in the more sick I felt. I had a massive migraine for 2 days from all that crying. At her burial I was fine, I was able to let it all go. I still have her info in my address book and cell, I can't bring myself to erase it..... silly I know. I miss her and wish I had more time with her but in the end I really just focus more on how lucky I was to have known such a great women and fortunate to have spend the time I had with her. I keep a few pics of her around, some when she was a young adult and some with me when I was a kid and one with her with my son and when I look at them once in awhile it brings a smile to my face and not tears. I think time heals, it took time for me to accept it and try to make a positive out if it all. If you feel like talking about it to people then talk, if not then don't, I think whatever you feel or think let it out or be, for me that was how I was able to recover, the more I fought it or dwelled the worse it got.
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Post by dapper on Jun 25, 2007 12:53:46 GMT -5
Yeah it is good therapy to focus on other people b/c it distracts you from yourself a bit and then after a while you can think back on what you've done with or said to them and you can sort of take your own advice to a degree.
And this paragraph isn't to combat a parallel point or steer the topic in a different direction; I think it could help the situation, is all. I point to no religious reason as proof of an afterlife, but it seems logical to me that it is far more likely to have a continuity of existence after death than it would've been to have had life in the first place. And looking at science, pretty much all of it is about transformation in one form or another, so I'd doubt we're immune from it. The options of belief pretty much break down into two: either God created life and the universe or Chance created life and the universe. I find this ironic b/c not even the odds favor Chance. Coming to that conclusion, personally, I found it more gratifying, intellectually as well as spiritually, to just look at the one thing that we all know isn't a fraud, Nature, as the true word of God. Nature is immune from fraudulent schemes that mankind comes up with, unlike religious texts that can easily be manufactured. We know we didn't create anything. We didn't design the mechanics of the universe that provide us with plenty of everything without demanding much work on our behalf. Saying Chance did is more, to me, like thinking you can substitute the answer to How for the questions of Who and Why.
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Post by Pocky Monster on Oct 8, 2008 13:46:49 GMT -5
Last Sunday my son Kenny and I went to Thai school at a nearby temple. Of course 15min into it we both lost all concentration but only 4 year olds get the luxury of watching the big screen with the monks. The monk who agreed to teach us had always been a bit flirtatious (for a monk, lol) and he was more daring now that we were alone. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw I flicker. There was a tall man standing beside the doorway, watching the “lesson”. I looked over but once I blinked he vanished. sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttt I didn’t say anything until I was about to leave. I asked teacher monk, “Is it true that superstitious Thais believe if you see a ghost, you shouldn’t say anything about it right away?” He agreed and I told him what I saw. “Hmm… how many years ago did he pass?” I answered, “About two weeks ago.” Suddenly his face went pale (guilt 'o the flirt?). I had been to the temple the Sunday before to tum boon (make merit) for this friend who died in Thailand. I can’t say I’m much of a Buddhist myself, but the person who died was and that’s what was important. The monk went on to assure the spirit (maybe for his own sake ;D) that Kenny and I were there for class, to better our living lives. So please, don’t worry and go ahead and move on! I had to hide my laugh. erm.. hmm.. this is really difficult to post. Kenny’s father passed away on the 23rd. On the 21st he slipped and hit the back of his head on concrete steps. He fell into a coma and because of the brain damage there was no chance of him returning. Only a shell was left. So, his family made the difficult decision to let him go.. His family sent word but my family wouldn't dare tell me. They didn't want me to care since it was my choice to end the relationship. But I never, and will never end the relationship between my son and his father. Most women in my family think they only need men for pleasure or money. Mainly money. Woe me, I broke the trend, lol. I may be fiery and stubborn like them but I refuse to be so blindly independent. People have a mind of their own… one day they will decide for themselves what is best. Got faith, yo? I didn't find out until the 26th from a distant family friend. I'm still so hurt and angry. I’ve received a mixture of condolences but I feel my family hasn’t really allowed me to grieve. I was criticized for not cleaning up, not paying as much attention to Kenny, and for not getting out of bed for work on Monday. I know some meant well by saying to be strong and move on. Well, I decided I wasn't going to go anywhere so I plopped down and took a week off just to piss them off. I kid. Really, I needed to suffer that time away. "People who suffer will accordingly gain wisdom. If we don't suffer, we don't contemplate. If we don't contemplate, no wisdom is born. Without wisdom, we don't know. Not knowing, we can't get free of suffering -- that's just the way it is." yadda yadda ;D Yesterday I was showing Kenny pictures of the funeral. The people from our village leave bodies in the same condition they were when they died, perform a ceremony, then cremate. He needed a shave. It didn’t look as much like him since he was a bit bloated. His shirt was red stained but wet from the coconut juice mourners were pouring over him. He looked sound asleep. That was a face I use to laugh with, eat with, sleep with… I had to forgive him a long time ago. If I didn’t how could Kenny ever have an unbiased opinion about his father? ***I almost lost the main reason I started this post 2 days ago, the one thing that helped me stop crying. While falling asleep one night I mulled over what my cousin, Aey had told me. She lost her mother when she was a Junior in HS. She cried and cried but her little sister, Eet (in the 4th grade), barely shed a tear. Family naturally thought there was something wrong and when they spoke to her the only thing she said was in my opinion, simplistically profound. “I don’t want Mommy to worry. If I cry too much her spirit will worry and she won’t be able to move on.” Leave it to a child to put things into a less confusing perspective*. *much unlike my writing. edit: I'm sorry. I forgot to offer condolences for those who have also lost someone close to them. Grieve as you will... and good luck.
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Oct 8, 2008 14:20:48 GMT -5
Oh,Kat,i'm sorry.hard enough to lose someone who once meant something to you and and who is half your son's blood,but then to not be allowed to grieve...my heart goes out to you.
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Post by dead0baby0chick on Oct 8, 2008 19:31:44 GMT -5
^I'm so sorry as well. And to xandra too, though the post was made awhile ago, some things never really go away. I lost someone very dear to me awhile ago, not that recently. I don't really want to talk about them. I guess I deal with it the old-fashioned, unhealthy way. I ignore it and any time a thought of them pops into my head I try to scare it off immediately. And then sometimes when I drink they're all I can think about and I start crying and can't shut up about them.
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Post by Pocky Monster on Oct 8, 2008 20:16:33 GMT -5
I'm fighting the urge to edit the hell out of it.
Thank you
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Post by jenming on Oct 9, 2008 22:09:06 GMT -5
SiamIam -
I'm really sorry to hear of what happened. Both for you and even more for Kenny. I have much respect for your effort in the past to rise above your own issues with the man, and recognize the importance of the relationship between your child and his father, even if your relationship with him was over. My mother had to do similar things for me, and without that generosity of spirit, I would have been a much different person.
I believe, though, that if you are big enough to have been able to be that magnanimous with Kenny in that part of his life, that he'll be okay with you, even without his father.
My sincere condolences. It took a lot of bravery for you to write that out.
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Post by penguinopolipitese on Oct 10, 2008 23:11:36 GMT -5
my grandma died about 2 months ago. it makes me sad because my family keeps getting smaller as people pass away. It'd be nice to have some children in the family to fill the gap.
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Post by i move the stars for no one on Oct 11, 2008 0:07:43 GMT -5
i hear you there.it's down to my grandfather,my parents,and me.time to start popping out the bebes.
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Post by xandra on Oct 14, 2008 19:29:04 GMT -5
Kat, I'm so sorry to hear about your son's father. It must be so difficult to reconcile your own personal loss as well as the loss to your son. Hopefully you can keep his memory alive with Kenny, I think that would mean a lot to him. Also sorry that stupid family politics are making this even more difficult for you.
Tampon, as long as you deal with it in some way, even if it is only after you've had a few too many. I hope you have someone you can talk to about it. I'm sorry for your loss.
Pierre, I'm sorry about your grandfather. It's funny, now that my parents are quickly approaching 60 it really doesn't seem that old anymore. But I am starting to really worry about my grandparents. Hopefully one of your cousins will pop some babies out so the pressure won't be on you and your sister.
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Post by dead0baby0chick on Oct 15, 2008 20:19:31 GMT -5
^Thanks. My family is strictly "don't talk about it and it isn't real." Which is fine with me though.
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