Post by JohnCoolYoungHistory on Jan 8, 2008 14:23:45 GMT -5
Disclaimer: this is a rant! I just want to vent and see if anyone has any advice or just thoughts to exchange. Some of you might view this as putting out mine and someone else's business "out there"... but... I don't care! If you make it to the end of the passage and respond I'd be very thankful for listening and your words.
A year ago I was living on the East coast and made my annual visit to the West coast, where I met the nextdoor female neighbor/friend of the guy friend I was visiting. We hit it off, exchanged information, and talked briefly for a few weeks on the phone upon my return home to Michigan. Due to the reality of time and distance, we stopped talking and went back to reality.
Out of nowhere, I moved to the west coast, and I am now only a 5 hour drive and/or $100 flight away from this girl. New years (my annual trip) was coming around again and her and I established contact again, and she made a point to make it obvious she was excited and was anticipating me, as did I to her. So, we met up over vacation and hit it off right away.
Before I arrived in to see her this year, I had a very basic opinion off of the little I knew about her and little time I spent around her. Judging on how different we were from each other, I dismissed it as nothing more than flirting and physical attraction which would amount to nothing more than a holiday fling, then go back to our normal lives.
To my pleasure or dismay, I found out she is actually an amazing girl - actually the first amazing girl I've met in the last 3 years (it's been that long since I last dated a girl)... Luckily for me, we did not rush into affection too fast, but we did make plans to see each other again very soon.
When I arrived home from my trip, we talked. She told me she wanted to break me some news that she didn't have time to tell me while I was on her side of town... and I believe her because everything happened so fast and we were constantly rushed and around friends (not much alone time at all). I learned she was already involved with someone at the time which made my heart sink down into my stomach, because I knew I had already fallen for this girl. I told her I understand the gray area where things happen out of a person's control when it comes to dating/relationships, but I expressed to her it's not okay to stay in that gray area, and something must change. I then told her I wanted to see where things go between us... she felt the same way and told me she was going to drop the guy she was already seeing.
Here's where I screwed myself over: she asked me how I am towards girls. I replied that I am a one woman guy, I am NOT girl crazy (going from girl to girl to keep me entertained), and that I only date girls who I feel a definite chemistry with, even if it means being single and celibate for years. On top of this, I told her I liked her a lot and she was the first girl I've felt this way about in years.
At that exact moment, I just made myself completely available to her, non-elusive, no more hard-to-get, and expressed that I don't play silly games that actually are successful in keeping people interested in the chase that boys and girls play.
She answered the same question and gave me an opposite answer... She said due to her upbringing of moving to state to state, her values, and simply the type of person she is, that she gets easily bored. She said that she does tend to go from guy to guy rather quickly due to this... and told me she was not sure how she felt about me, if it was just attraction/infatuation or if she really liked me, because she has not gotten to know me long enough yet. I respect her honesty with me, but she told me something I did not want to hear because it was not my ideal answer. But, I don't hold that against her and as I said, I'm glad she was honest with me instead of telling me what I wanted to hear.
So, I know she gets easily bored - I know she has nothing against dating different guys until she finds one that "sticks" - I know she got mixed up with me on purpose while dating someone else. On top of all of this, she 1) lives 5 hours away driving distance 2) lives in a major city where people are extremely liberal minded when it comes to dating/affection, to the point where it gets a little bit unsavory 3) I know that she is a bit too affectionately liberal even though I try not to judge her for her past 4) I believe she will still allow herself to be put into situations where she will be tempted even though she has me.
OR AM I WRONG?! Because I have a tendency to over think things and end up being WRONG! But my gut instinct usually tends to be right.
Anyways, in the end, my gut instinct tells me I'm going to crash and burn and hate myself in a few months for getting into this. However, I'm still going to pursue her no matter what. I was just wondering if anyone wanted to share some insight that will prepare me for the heart break I know is going to be around the corner, or if anyone has any positive stories of success, or if anyone can give me a good enough reason to stop while I'm ahead?
Thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks for making it to the end!
A year ago I was living on the East coast and made my annual visit to the West coast, where I met the nextdoor female neighbor/friend of the guy friend I was visiting. We hit it off, exchanged information, and talked briefly for a few weeks on the phone upon my return home to Michigan. Due to the reality of time and distance, we stopped talking and went back to reality.
Out of nowhere, I moved to the west coast, and I am now only a 5 hour drive and/or $100 flight away from this girl. New years (my annual trip) was coming around again and her and I established contact again, and she made a point to make it obvious she was excited and was anticipating me, as did I to her. So, we met up over vacation and hit it off right away.
Before I arrived in to see her this year, I had a very basic opinion off of the little I knew about her and little time I spent around her. Judging on how different we were from each other, I dismissed it as nothing more than flirting and physical attraction which would amount to nothing more than a holiday fling, then go back to our normal lives.
To my pleasure or dismay, I found out she is actually an amazing girl - actually the first amazing girl I've met in the last 3 years (it's been that long since I last dated a girl)... Luckily for me, we did not rush into affection too fast, but we did make plans to see each other again very soon.
When I arrived home from my trip, we talked. She told me she wanted to break me some news that she didn't have time to tell me while I was on her side of town... and I believe her because everything happened so fast and we were constantly rushed and around friends (not much alone time at all). I learned she was already involved with someone at the time which made my heart sink down into my stomach, because I knew I had already fallen for this girl. I told her I understand the gray area where things happen out of a person's control when it comes to dating/relationships, but I expressed to her it's not okay to stay in that gray area, and something must change. I then told her I wanted to see where things go between us... she felt the same way and told me she was going to drop the guy she was already seeing.
Here's where I screwed myself over: she asked me how I am towards girls. I replied that I am a one woman guy, I am NOT girl crazy (going from girl to girl to keep me entertained), and that I only date girls who I feel a definite chemistry with, even if it means being single and celibate for years. On top of this, I told her I liked her a lot and she was the first girl I've felt this way about in years.
At that exact moment, I just made myself completely available to her, non-elusive, no more hard-to-get, and expressed that I don't play silly games that actually are successful in keeping people interested in the chase that boys and girls play.
She answered the same question and gave me an opposite answer... She said due to her upbringing of moving to state to state, her values, and simply the type of person she is, that she gets easily bored. She said that she does tend to go from guy to guy rather quickly due to this... and told me she was not sure how she felt about me, if it was just attraction/infatuation or if she really liked me, because she has not gotten to know me long enough yet. I respect her honesty with me, but she told me something I did not want to hear because it was not my ideal answer. But, I don't hold that against her and as I said, I'm glad she was honest with me instead of telling me what I wanted to hear.
So, I know she gets easily bored - I know she has nothing against dating different guys until she finds one that "sticks" - I know she got mixed up with me on purpose while dating someone else. On top of all of this, she 1) lives 5 hours away driving distance 2) lives in a major city where people are extremely liberal minded when it comes to dating/affection, to the point where it gets a little bit unsavory 3) I know that she is a bit too affectionately liberal even though I try not to judge her for her past 4) I believe she will still allow herself to be put into situations where she will be tempted even though she has me.
OR AM I WRONG?! Because I have a tendency to over think things and end up being WRONG! But my gut instinct usually tends to be right.
Anyways, in the end, my gut instinct tells me I'm going to crash and burn and hate myself in a few months for getting into this. However, I'm still going to pursue her no matter what. I was just wondering if anyone wanted to share some insight that will prepare me for the heart break I know is going to be around the corner, or if anyone has any positive stories of success, or if anyone can give me a good enough reason to stop while I'm ahead?
Thoughts are appreciated.
Thanks for making it to the end!