The importance of race?

[treedwellingcow]

I've lived in Hawaii my whole life and it's a very heterogeneous mixture of races here. I never considered race to be really important, yet when I look back, most of my (and my sisters) best friends were Eurasian, and the girls I had the most enduring crushes on were also Eurasian. I suppose this is probably a common topic here and I should stop being lazy and read some articles/archives.

My discomfort around people has morphed into something else entirely now, but I wonder if when growing up, I would have felt more of a sense of belonging and normalcy if there were more people of the same race as me. My parents divorced when I was fairly young, and my Dad gravitated toward Japanese friends (and eventually girlfriend), and my Mom mostly Caucasian friends (husband later) so there was that sort of racial split within the family too. Do you think race has played a noticeable role in your formation? Hope this doesn't turn into a "racism!" discussion... I'm not trying to elevate or put down any particular race.

[Paddy]

I've always felt more comfortable being around people with a similar mixed cultural background as me. And I have spent the majority of my adult life trying to understand aspects of my cultural heritage - mostly the Asian side, but also the European side.

There was one occassion that gave me a big lesson. Must have been 6/7 years ago - during my early 20s. I attended my buddy's wedding. I didn't know anyone except him. He put me on a table with his old school buddies from Hong Kong. They were all Eurasian. At first I was so excited to sit amongst them, though I was a bit nervous coz I was the odd one out. No one spoke to me, no one seemed interested in me. By the end of the evening I felt so ordinary. Being amongst mixed people was something they took for granted. Being EA was common ground for them, but that didn't mean they would open their arms to an EA stranger. Sure, I had in affect gatecrashed a school re-union, but that was a bit of a shock to the system.

Since then, I am circumspect in my approach to EA relationships and what to expect from others. Nothing is a given.

[joha87]

I grew up in the southern United States, so race was often a big part of my life growing up. When I was young, the Korean community still wasn't very accepting of half-Koreans, so I experienced discrimination on that side. And on the other side, I got discrimination from whites and blacks.

I grew up in a mostly black neighborhood and used to play with the other kids in the neighborhood, until we got to around middle school age. When we were playing together, the other kids lock me out of the activity because I wasn't black and no one sided on my side. I was just so shocked and upset, that I stopped playing outside with the other kids in the neighborhood after that. And I got the usual racism from white people. Being called "chink" and all that. So I just hung out with other nerds and outcast in my school, growing up. I just didn't feel comfortable hanging out with people without the same interests.

Now I have a much broader range of interests so I don't have as much problem hanging out with dissimilar people now, but I still feel uncomfortable with same race groups. Groups that are all asian or all white. But I'm more uncomfortable in groups of all asian, because there's the constant fear of rejection. And my pride couldn't handle it if I was just seen as a white guy with an asian fetish or some stupid s*** like that. I don't feel why I have to validate my interest in Korean culture at all since I AM half-Korean. My mother raised me in a lot of Korean culture, and a lot of times, I've found out I know more than many 2nd or 3rd generation Koreans about Korean culture. I have found that I actually have a lot in common with other Korean Americans but it's hard to interact with them because they think I'm radically different from them right off the bat.

I'm in Japan now, so I probably need to learn to not be so bothered by being the only non-pure Asian in an all-asian group. It helps that it doesn't matter to me if I'm seen as an outsider since I am. Being full white or full Korean wouldn't change that fact. And the gaijin circle here is diverse already so I don't feel uncomfortable. But going to Korea now would probably be too painful. I need to define my own identity some more and getting better in Korean would probably help.

[joha87]

Nov 29, 2008 3:12:09 GMT -5 @kyuree said:

What are you doing in Japan? Work?
I just came back from Korea. I had no problem there but as I posted around the site (...) ppl thought I was Korean. When I had to speak a bit more than a few short sentences they realized I wasn't a local. When I told ppl I'm mixed they said I still look Korean or some even said I am (=accepted me). Seoul has its own "Roppongi" (which is Itaewon). My cousin lives there, she said there are a lot of half-Korean kids.
I don't know what my experience would have been in Korea if I looked more mixed. In Seoul no one gives foreigners even a glimpse cos they couldn't care less. If you go to Busan on the other hand people will stare at you (but in a curious, positive, not degrading way) if you're white and strike up conversations w/ you. It happens to my friend who is German and studies a year in Busan (her being 184cm tall doesn't help) but she likes it, she says everyone is very friendly. It also happened to me that a stranger started to talk to me for a while but he thought I was from Seoul until I corrected him, he was then very interested to know about Germany.
Busan ppl are just really different *lol*.

Nah. I'm just studying abroad for a year.
I don't know about how asian or white I look anymore. In America, everyone told me that I look full Asian for the most part. Even non-asian people who could tell that I was mixed, said I looked more asian than euro. The question was that I looked less Korean and more some other kind of Asian like Japanese. But I've been told by Korean people that I could pass for a full Korean and my Korean mother told me that I was the spitting image of her father.

But when I came here, a Korean guy I met told me he thought I was full white. His reasoning was that he thought I looked kind of like Keanu Reeves (he thought Keanu Reeves was full white. lol) I still don't get it since I think I look more asian than Keanu Reeves. Another Korean guy told me he thought I was only a quarter Korean.

It could be based on just context though. A Japanese friend told me that when he sees me with my white friends, he thinks I look white. But when I'm with a group of asian friends, he thinks I look Asian. I think a lot of the Japanese people in Japan see me in the same way. On my own, I never had the random gaijin experience that other foreigners have had and people sometimes ask me for directions or speak fluent Japanese w/ me.

But it'll be very painful for me if Korean ppl don't acknowledge my Koreanness at all. I don't mind being treated like an American a bit, because I am, but I would loose my cool if I had to deal all the time with Korean ppl asking if I could handle spicy food like kimchi or dukbokgi. Bitch please, my favorite food is spicy Indian curry. Worse still, would be being treated like a foreigner by family.

[EA Observer]

I believe very, very few people who say that race doesn't matter in a personal relationship are being truthful, but that's rather obvious, isn't it?

[joha87]

Damn, I didn't know that "facewash" was an insult for Eurasians. Still sounds nice though. I really need to start working on my Korean seriously.

[dead0baby0chick]

I'm not particularly comfortable around white people, whenever they talk about people who aren't white. I kinda go deer in headlights and just nod stupidly cause I assume that anything I say to them will be something they'll never understand. And I'm not even talking about racists, when white people say racist things I go apes*** and tear them new assholes. But just when they're innocently commenting on different cultures from their own, and clearly have a naive-as-f*** take on s*** and don't know what the f*** they're talking about...I just nod glassy eyed and change the subject. I don't know if that's even relevant to this thread, but I just thought I'd add that.

[joha87]

Nov 29, 2008 11:40:49 GMT -5 @dead0baby0chick said:

I'm not particularly comfortable around white people, whenever they talk about people who aren't white. I kinda go deer in headlights and just nod stupidly cause I assume that anything I say to them will be something they'll never understand. And I'm not even talking about racists, when white people say racist things I go apesh*t and tear them new assholes. But just when they're innocently commenting on different cultures from their own, and clearly have a naive-as-f**k take on sh*t and don't know what the f**k they're talking about...I just nod glassy eyed and change the subject. I don't know if that's even relevant to this thread, but I just thought I'd add that.

Yeah, I hate that too. But worse still is the white people who believe they aren't racist, but obviously are. And then they get defensive as all f**k and just dismiss any criticisms as just trying "white guilt" them. I had a white friend tell me seriously that he thought that "racism was over". I was just too schocked. And then you have my white-ass dad comparing racism to discrimination against fat people.

[dead0baby0chick]

Yeah, I hate those ones that say they aren't racist when everything they say drips of racism. And if you point it out you hear about how they have an Asian friend, so how could they possibly be racist?

[quiapo]

Joha87 - I wonder if it is possible to have contact with any of your mother's relatives; it may be a welcome introduction to that aspect of you. When I visited the home town of our family in Northern Spain, I was welcomed by distant relatives who opened their homes and their hearts to us, despite the family having left for the the Philippines over 160 years ago.
My Korean daughter-in-law gave me a book on Korean people before we flew over for the wedding - a book which is informative and entertaining: "Korea Unmasked . ." by Won-bok Rhie, which is in cartoon form and was very helpful in understanding her family and people.
I wish you all the best in your difficult journey; you have so much for your birthright - it is up to you to claim what you want!

[joha87]

Nov 29, 2008 15:44:52 GMT -5 @kyuree said:

Nov 29, 2008 11:00:30 GMT -5 joha87 said:

Damn, I didn't know that "facewash" was an insult for Eurasians. Still sounds nice though. I really need to start working on my Korean seriously.

hahaha, oh no... I meant normally she would explain and praise the product to the customer in Korean, Japanese or Chinese but to me she just said "facewash" and went away. (I was looking at a facewash)

Oh now I feel stupid. But it sounds like it could be an insult, because a lot of EAs' lighter skins.

Nov 29, 2008 19:57:14 GMT -5 quiapo said:

Joha87 - I wonder if it is possible to have contact with any of your mother's relatives; it may be a welcome introduction to that aspect of you. When I visited the home town of our family in Northern Spain, I was welcomed by distant relatives who opened their homes and their hearts to us, despite the family having left for the the Philippines over 160 years ago.
My Korean daughter-in-law gave me a book on Korean people before we flew over for the wedding - a book which is informative and entertaining: "Korea Unmasked . ." by Won-bok Rhie, which is in cartoon form and was very helpful in understanding her family and people.
I wish you all the best in your difficult journey; you have so much for your birthright - it is up to you to claim what you want!

Thanks for the encouragement. I've already met my Korean family so I know that they accept me already, but I don't feel like I got the opportunity to know them that well, since it was when I was just a kid and they lived in Korea the whole time I grew up in the U.S. I know that on the surface, they accept me, but I'm not aware yet if they see me as an outsider or not. It doesn't help that my mother's relationship with her family if very thorny.

[joha87]

Nov 30, 2008 3:19:38 GMT -5 @kyuree said:

Joha, no worries, I know sometimes the way I tell sth. is a bit confusing

Nov 30, 2008 2:52:20 GMT -5 joha87 said:

Thanks for the encouragement. I've already met my Korean family so I know that they accept me already, but I don't feel like I got the opportunity to know them that well, since it was when I was just a kid and they lived in Korea the whole time I grew up in the U.S. I know that on the surface, they accept me, but I'm not aware yet if they see me as an outsider or not. It doesn't help that my mother's relationship with her family if very thorny.

too bad about the thorny family relations . I still think you should go visit Korea! Also w/ your attitude you could not be disappointed, but only positively surprised (I mean cos you sound kind of pessimistic).
I found myself looking a lot at my relatives faces to find out how they resemble my mom, I never really did that w/ my German relatives in comparison to my dad, maybe because I've seen them more often. Afterall they're all my family and it hurt me to think I hadn't met them in 15 years and everyone has become so old already .
You're already used to getting along in an Asian country so Korea will not be a problem for you. I guess it is kind of similar to Japan but then again of course it has its own characteristics.
You're close, go visit hehe

---

BTW read an article by a Korean adoptee, this is a quote from it. Kind of like my experience. Minus the fact that I don't really feel all that different.

I think culture wise, I relate more with Korea and things Korean. However, when I visit Korea I realize how different I am. I love Korea for the fact that when I am here, I blend in; I'm part of the crowd. You can no longer pick me out of the crowd - that is, until I open my mouth.

What is hard is when you look Korean and are traveling by yourself and you explain that you can't speak Korean: "Hanguk-mal mothaeyo" (I don't speak Korean). They give you this real puzzled look and then continue speaking to you in Korean. I've also had people turn down service to me because I was not able to communicate. I don't hold this against them; it's probably not worth their trouble to work it out. This really hurt me. Being in the country I was born in and not being able to communicate and being turned away because I could not speak my native language.

- www.koreaherald.co.kr/ (article by a Korean adoptee from the US)

haha. I am a pretty negative person, so I know a lot of this is just my insecurities. But when you're pessimistic, you're never disappointed and always delightfully surprised. I just have the habit of always planning for the worst and this unfortunately carries over too often into matters of the heart.

The quote actually captures a lot of what I actually feel, but I couldn't find the whole article on the website you linked.

[quiapo]

Joha87 - Look, it will be full of pleasant surprizes; just the experience of young people getting up to offer me a seat on the crowded trains was priceless! I would then offer my seat to my Anglo wife, who interestingly did not feel offended as she realized she looked too young, and someone else, ususally a young lady would again offer her seat to me. When it frist happened I didn't know what to do, and my daughter in law insisted I take the seat. There are so many more experiences I could share with you, but you must create your own.
Except for the area near the U.S. base, (Itaewong?) I only encountered extreme politeness everywhere.
Let your family get to know you, as you, it is more important that they know you and relate to you rather than some stereotype, or as an extension of your mother.

[Subuatai]

Nov 28, 2008 14:35:01 GMT -5 treedwellingcow said:

I've lived in Hawaii my whole life and it's a very heterogeneous mixture of races here. I never considered race to be really important, yet when I look back, most of my (and my sisters) best friends were Eurasian, and the girls I had the most enduring crushes on were also Eurasian. I suppose this is probably a common topic here and I should stop being lazy and read some articles/archives.

My discomfort around people has morphed into something else entirely now, but I wonder if when growing up, I would have felt more of a sense of belonging and normalcy if there were more people of the same race as me. My parents divorced when I was fairly young, and my Dad gravitated toward Japanese friends (and eventually girlfriend), and my Mom mostly Caucasian friends (husband later) so there was that sort of racial split within the family too. Do you think race has played a noticeable role in your formation? Hope this doesn't turn into a "racism!" discussion... I'm not trying to elevate or put down any particular race.

The world is getting better in terms of this. Read my post here on page 3 (last one - unless someone else posted):

eurasiannation.proboards48.com/index.cgi?board=relationships&action=display&thread=9870&page=3

In today's world the entire racialist system has been thrown out by the scientific community in favor of a new form of research. Modern studies of race - more accurate and scientific research is called "Anthropology" which I studied as well.

Contradictions to the whole theory such as central-asians ourselves including Ainus in Japan laid cause for re-modelling of the whole racial system. Now race itself is much more complicated, there is Altaic, Sino, Slavic, Nordic, Japonic, Tungus, Germanic, Alpinic, Clovisian, Anglo, Celtic, Hellenic, Latino, Hispanic, Aryan, Indo-Aryan, Dravidic, Malaijid, Australoid, etc.

However, the africans are still under the same classificaion - Negroid. Which I may have to study further why research has not been done much in that area of the world.

Ne ways the emphasis on race varies between cultures and locations. As you said growing up you never had to face the issues of having race thrown in your face everyday. However, in many cultures, race is EVERYTHING - example? easy - America - who still believe in racialism even though most of Europe has thrown it out as unscientific. So keep this in mind, everywhere is different.