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Post by Subuatai on Dec 10, 2008 0:20:12 GMT -5
My friends would laugh at me if they see me post this  But, me and my gf are already 'unofficially' engaged. Which means, there are some thoughts that have to be considered. Including the wedding itself. As we both come from alien cultures -> me Mongol/Slavic, her Nordic/Chinese, and alien religions -> me Tengriist/Shamanistic, her Christian. It's really mindblogging what type of wedding we should have. We can't have more then one ceremony during the day, she insists on a church, but I have no interest in getting married in a church. Anyone have ideas how to merge the cultures/religions into a solid mixed wedding ceremony? |
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Post by straylight on Dec 10, 2008 0:23:50 GMT -5
LARP'ers. Make it some geekfest Renfaire ordeal. With midget warriors and priests.
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 10, 2008 0:39:34 GMT -5
LOL Stray And also that's another problem - she is acceptant and supportive of my beliefs and culture. But I doubt her family and church will exactly approve of a shaman dancing around chanting amidst the ceremony lol. Her church is Protestant Christian (though they like to call themselves just "Christian"). Well I've never had any wedding dreams I can remember lol. But I had dreams of the honeymoon instead!  |
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 10, 2008 1:40:00 GMT -5
Well, to them it's "INVOKING DEMONS O.O" haha. So even with parents aside... a church ceremony but with a shaman outside at the reception? The poor dude! he should be part of the wedding itself too! lol I guess a church would be nice, maybe have Mongolian cuisine, Airag, other drinks. And instead of a limo we ride away on horseback? Heck I dunno heh Oh the honeymoon? LOL well, we kinda have mixed opinions about where to go. But... for me, as someone who prefers natural settings, my first choice would be: Here: Video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gDuOqzkrJg&feature=relatedPhotos: (Khuvsgul Lake in Mongolia)   Of course, the honeymoon would be in summer |
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 10, 2008 8:06:28 GMT -5
LOL!!! I'll have to say this to her parents! If your friend's sister got married by a Mayan shaman and they are Christians they have no choice but to accept it! heh Baptized? Cute, but nay that aint going to happen heh lol, though, out of my respect of her maybe in the very far future Just to keep that smile on her face. Heh yes she wishes to visit Mongolia too. Deep inside she has a nomadic heart, so I guess that wouldn't be the only destination Travel the world together, wouldn't be bad at all. |
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Post by Paddy on Dec 10, 2008 12:40:16 GMT -5
Yeah, if my girlfriend and I get married, then the wedding will provide its dilemmas.
I'm nominally a Christian, though without belief or faith. She is a Muslim, but like me, doesn't practice. For her, Chinese Islam instills a heavy cultural influence on her being, but she doesn't particularly understand or practice Islam. Therefore, its really the parents that we have to appease.
Her mother wants me to convert. Father is happy for me to 'pretend' in front of the extended Muslim family. I won't convert and pretending is something that I am naturally uncomfortable with.
My father is unlikely to be bothered, but my mother is a Christian and would want a Christian wedding. But more than that, she objects to me marrying a Muslim - citing my girlfriends parents/family as a big problem.
I'd be happy for a small ceremony. I'd like a beautiful outdoor sun drenched setting with close friends and family. And I know my girlfriend would be happy with anything as long as she is beautifully dressed with her family in attendance. I object on principle to the demands that are put on marrying couples these days. The vast quantities of money and stress that accompany modern weddings seem to distract from the essential meaning of marriage. Imagine if the couple were to break up over getting married. Or if an unbridgeable chasm was to be driven between the couple's families over the choice of venue or colour scheme. No thanks.
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Post by ChickenSoda on Dec 10, 2008 13:12:12 GMT -5
I don't think I've ever felt luckier for not believing in religion or marriage.
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Post by Paddy on Dec 10, 2008 18:38:08 GMT -5
From what I understand, Muslims are not allowed to renounce their faith.
Islamic China is quite isolated from the rest of the Islamic world thanks to a secular and insecure Chinese state. As a result, I can't imagine we would have too many problems. We wouldn't be branded as infidels to be be chased across the earth to burn in hell if she/we were to abscond. Nevertheless, it would be good to try and keep the family sweet somehow!
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Post by Subuatai on Dec 10, 2008 21:11:23 GMT -5
Yeah parents really complicate things. My gf always had been 'free-thinking' even 3 years ago when I first met her. She spent 2 years studying in bible college for her own ministry certificate, and now she ministers in her own outreach from the main church, she doesn't believe in evangelism or 'saving souls' by conversion, nor asking for offerings to support the church (she believes that the church shouldn't ask for offerings and that God provides - and she proved her point when once a guy actually handed over a $1000 cheque to her to build her church!)
So I guess I can say in my opinion she's more 'enlightened', though her parents also disagree with some of her views, especially dating me. Her father isn't that bad, he's very laid back and as long as his daughter is happy - he's happy. Besides we get along... somewhat. But why is it always the mothers?!!!
To her eyes I'm still a cruel pagan Mongol barbarian and all that blah blah my people are the enemy of Chinese. My gf tells me everything her mother says, and you can imagine how pissed I get when I hear it: "He won't be a good husband, Mongols are harsh men to their women (Which WTF!!!! Our society has equality between men and women). He's not Christian and very stubborn and arrogant (Arrogant because I stand up for my beliefs and culture?!)." Etc, heh I can go on and on.
At the same time, she actually considers my Slavic blood a redeeming feature! Because it's "white" maybe. Heh, rather "interesting" woman that one. And when I mentioned my Slavic blood is mixed with Tatar ancestry, she shuts up immediately lol. Personally I don't get along with her. To be honest I'm glad my gf choose to be culturally independent from all this.
Just exchanges of "hi" "bye" is pretty much the only conversation between me and her mother. So prior to the wedding trying to reconcile things with her is going to be a problem. My gf told me that I should do some sweet things like cooking Mongolian food, or by showing my appreciation of her culture by attending Chinese New Year and bribe her with money filled in red packets (whats it called again? Ang Pow or something), and submit to praising and worshiping God when I attend Church at least (!!!!!! - then again, the songs are very singable and cute).
Heh dang it, it's seriously frustrating at times.
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Post by Paddy on Dec 11, 2008 15:39:44 GMT -5
^Are they Sufi or pseudo Buddhist since I'm sure they were originally Buddhist Islam was introduced to China via trading along the silk route more than a 1000 years ago (c.600 BC). The silk route was also the physical conduit for Buddhism's arrival in China several hundred years prior, but the origins of both movements were quite discrete. Many Muslims in China today practice Islam with arguably less fervour than outside China. Economic conquest has put paid to political, social and religious expression. Thus, the shackles of Islam are not as restricting form my girlfriend and I. (I plan to persuade her to start eating pork, or else rediscover her Islamic faith - nothing beats a good sausage.) Yeah, subuatai, I see your dilemma esp regarding mother-in-law! Funny notions of white supremecy, have the Chinese. And the steppe conquests of China coincided with China's most prosperous and progressive periods! |
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Post by betahat on Dec 11, 2008 21:16:55 GMT -5
It's tough, but I suggest that you let your bride (first) and her family (only second) plan the wedding. They'll probably do it better. I tend to agree with Ethel above. Just suck it up and grimace when the pastor goes on about god this and that, it'll make the other family happy.
You can always slaughter a goat or do some other shamanistic ritual at the rehearsal dinner or at your bachelor party!
I'm pretty lucky to have very relaxed in-laws while my own family is so secular they can appreciate the fun in all the wedding traditions. It actually got annoying that the Rabbi kept asking if there were any traditions from my family that I wanted to integrate, especially from the Chinese said. I kept telling him my parents got married at the County Registrar's office and that I had no idea what even goes on at a traditional chinese wedding because my grandparents never talked about it (though the pictures I've seen indicate they did Western style dress).
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