|
Post by lisa91 on Jan 7, 2009 18:56:40 GMT -5
I've been thinking about this for a very long time and I have no one to talk to about it. Maybe it's not a talkable subject but I still wonder if there is someone in a situation similiar to mine or have any thoughts about it...
My mother was adopted from Korea - it's quite obvious, but I didn't realize that until I was in the age of 10 and it wasn't until I reached the age of 13 I really understood that I looked a bit different from my Swedish friends.
My mom hates when I read about Korean culture, she actually gets really angry. She also hates that my dad likes to do research on his Lappish heritage.
Is it because of the fact that she is adopted she has this hate against her Asian origins? Is it common for adopted children to turn out this way? I really would like some answers I have no one to talk to.
|
|
|
Post by paul101 on Jan 7, 2009 19:42:42 GMT -5
My sister is like that. I asked her about China yesterday,and she just told me to shut up about it. She doesn't really care for China.
|
|
|
Post by shugi on Jan 7, 2009 20:46:39 GMT -5
Hi Lisa91 I actually have a similar situation to you but my mother is elusive about her Chinese roots & was adopted by a Filipino nanny. From my perspective about her real parents or her ethnicity etc is none of my business what so ever unless she wants to talk about it. That whole area of her life is a boundary zone & I don't cross it.
I believe its because my mother finds it insulting to raise the question of her parents or who parented her so she becomes defensive - the reasons why I can't claim to understand or nor should I. If I ever did start poking around about her origins first of all I'd feel rude or intrusive.
however my mother feels no animosity towards Chinese or Filipino cultures as a result of her adoption, are you sure your mother is angry with Korean culture? to be angry with the biological parents is easy to understand but a whole culture. Thats not normal even for someone who's adopted
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Jan 8, 2009 2:36:33 GMT -5
When you hate someone, and I mean deep hate, you hate not just the person, you hate their ways, you hate their habits, you hate the food they eat, you hate the culture they represent, and you hate the very nation they were born in.
|
|
|
Post by lisa91 on Jan 8, 2009 9:18:03 GMT -5
Thanks for the very long post Fräulein Kyu-Ree. I think you have several points in what you have written. But I think mom came here to Sweden when she was 7 years old, so I bet she knows some things about Korean culture but I've never talked to her about that since she never chose to even tell me that she was adopted.
Well, thanks for your thoughts!
|
|
|
Post by lisa91 on Jan 8, 2009 9:30:02 GMT -5
Or does your mom have ill-feelings toward her adoptive parents (your grandparents, I suppose)? Did they not expose her to Korean culture? Does she not like the Lappish part because some think it's Asian-related? I don't think she has ill-feelings towards her adoptive parents. She and the rest of our family still go visit them a lot even though they live quite far away from where we live. Did not expose her to korean culture... I don't know, but they did let her keep her Korean name put she got rid of it as soon as she learned to speak Swedish I think. At least my grandpa told me that she didn't want it. Maby you think right about Lappish being related to Asia.
|
|
|
Post by penguinopolipitese on Jan 8, 2009 9:51:01 GMT -5
My mom hates when I read about Korean culture, she actually gets really angry. She also hates that my dad likes to do research on his Lappish heritage. get out, you child of a reindeer herder.
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Jan 8, 2009 9:55:10 GMT -5
Pfft you have any idea what the Swedish does to Finnic/Lagoda/Lappish people? www.mongolia-web.com/content/view/2084/154/AND This is the lowest form of humanity I've ever seen, I showed this to my gf who is half Swede, and to be honest sometimes I wonder if I should have as she now utterly despises that aspect of Nordic culture in favor of the culture of the steppes. Seriously, this stuff isn't normal, it's imposed. Not to mention their attempt to demonise Russians the same way, MY OWN PEOPLE, trying to prove that they are non-Caucasiod, inferior to justify the imperialism of the Swedish Empire. It makes me so sick.
|
|
|
Post by lisa91 on Jan 8, 2009 10:48:14 GMT -5
I remember some things from my age before 7 I remember wath sorts of games we played in kindergarten, when people were mean to me, what kind of food I got served... and other small things But off course I don't compare her memories of Korea with a Korean person who lives in Korea! I shouldn't even compare them to mine since she is 21 years older than me. My uncle (my mom's brother) once told me that he remembers the trip to the airport the day he went to Sweden and that he tripped one time and his mother gave him a bandage. He came here when he was 4.
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Jan 8, 2009 11:11:51 GMT -5
I've heard a saying that adopted children will always feel a sense of 'rejection' =/
|
|
|
Post by catgirl on Jan 8, 2009 15:25:50 GMT -5
I've been thinking about this for a very long time and I have no one to talk to about it. Maybe it's not a talkable subject but I still wonder if there is someone in a situation similiar to mine or have any thoughts about it... My mother was adopted from Korea - it's quite obvious, but I didn't realize that until I was in the age of 10 and it wasn't until I reached the age of 13 I really understood that I looked a bit different from my Swedish friends. My mom hates when I read about Korean culture, she actually gets really angry. She also hates that my dad likes to do research on his Lappish heritage. Is it because of the fact that she is adopted she has this hate against her Asian origins? Is it common for adopted children to turn out this way? I really would like some answers I have no one to talk to. Isnt that like assimilation or something? I think its ok to not know about your asian roots if you werent raised with it or something. But when one obviously denies it and thinks negative about it, sounds more like some kind of mental issue or identity problem. I know some adopted people from Korea and Columbia, and they seem VERY westernized, even more than mixed people. But on of them actually tries to get to know her birthcountry, she seems more mature in my eyes. There might be a bigger chance for adopted people to have some kind of identity crisis, and I think this also goes for mixed people. It hurts to be "different" I guess
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Jan 9, 2009 10:25:49 GMT -5
^ You can drive a patient to suicide by being 'gentle'. I've seen it happen amongst my peers, and also I've read about it happen within the psychiatric community. Sometimes people need to be challenged, sometimes people need to go "Go ahead and kill yourself, who freakin cares you nutjob?!" To wake up and face their issues.
Sure, the psychiatric department relies on drugs instead of such measures to prevent suicide. Pfft, not me. I've had friends completely dependent on drugs and has been since teens due to shrinks imposing this law on them. I don't see people needing to be labeled and drugged if they fit a certain label, I see people needing help, and help by any means necessary to naturally vaccinate them from their own mental conditions.
By hey, I was a counsellor, not a Psychologist, though I've studied psychology, I'm a nutjob due to my past, whether that gives me empathy to help people, or I'm just as nuts as the people I counselled - thats up to you to decide. Nonetheless, not one patient of mine for a full year (or 'client' based on terminology), even those who entertained the idea of suicide, ever committed such an act.
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Jan 9, 2009 12:32:54 GMT -5
Maybe I should stick to baby talk and shut up
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Jan 9, 2009 12:51:36 GMT -5
Aye, I understand and I apologize. I've come on very strongly in this thread I guess. Natural overcoming of any issue can come from friends, family, and even personal reflection, ALL without a need of a counsellor/shrink/therapist/watever. This is a fact.
Nonetheless, I do wish to help, some do it for money, some do it to feel good about themselves sure... but, even years on the street never robbed me of my heart. Which of course, I have to learn to control my own passions.
|
|
|
Post by Subuatai on Jan 9, 2009 13:19:04 GMT -5
Yes, I am aware of such. To be honest, I left the counselling field for more then just one reason. Something I learnt, 'you have accept people as individuals, no matter their thinking or what classification they fall under'. A personal voice. Also I hate to say this, but not all counsellors think alike. I've had my problems with the psychiatric community myself.
I am, also subject to such forced therapy in my past. I had to fake my beliefs and mentality to escape it. Also, I've met many people who although do have a medical condition completely functional in society yet warded and labeled as 'psychologically unstable'. It is a challenge of mine to find a balance through all this.
To be honest, I've mostly left counselling, though that nature of mine arises from time to time, like now. In the end I've resorted to compiling a book instead, and whether or not people choose to read it or digest it... well, it's up to them. Nonetheless, I feel to at least voice myself in my own experiences and that of the people who I've come to endear, including those with so-called 'psychiatric "disabilities"'.
|
|