It took a long time to accept myself as eurasian. I used to think I'm a human without identity. It's just very recently that I read a lot of articles about people of mixed blood and how they usually feel confused their identity, I began to feel my mixed heritage as something that I shouldnt reject, but I should conform.
How about you? Did you ever reject your eurasian identity? How do you eventually reach the point that you finally accept it as part of yourself?
though I'm mixed chinese-dutch, I dont speak mandarin or dutch at all, I look more chinese than dutch, my physical appearance made me feel I cant conform any cultural identity from my mixed heritage. I feel I lack of "proof" to call myself as dutch or as chinese.
But as I grow, I found that the more I reject it, the more I'm not comfortable with myself. I began to explore the presence of eurasian community in internet, and found many people facing problem like the one I have, and I finally could accept my mixed heritage as part of myself. It's probably not a big deal to other people, but it's long personal struggle to find my identity.
Last Edit: May 26, 2009 10:30:12 GMT -5 by Kalvien
Identity is an elusive, but also fluid thing. You might find it evolving all the time and many people have a lifelong struggle with it. After many decades on this earth, I don't think I'll ever get to any place where I can rest.
How about the society in which you live? For me, I felt the same thing no matter what country I went to -- feeling like an outsider anyhow, I still try to engage with the society to the extent I can.
IF people consistently take you for a particular ethnic heritage, at least that is a certainty that you may not have to struggle with. For example, westernized Asians are at least aware that they are assumed to be of a certain ethnic background which they might have awareness of even if they are culturally disassociated with it. However, for many Eurasians who get mistaken for something other than which they have connection to, that is another uncertainty that they face everyday (eg, today someone was an Arab, Brazilian, Colombian, Kazakh, Mexican and Cherokee -- what NEXT!!!)
Also, you can always learn to speak Mandarin or Dutch or anything you want to if you want to make that part of your identity. I strongly believe that that is something which you can exhibit some control over.
I'd describe my identity as Chinese/Asian as living in a white society that is how I am perceived, want to be identified as and am happily currently being perceived.
Yeah, I know there is English blood in me - I don't deny that - but nowadays I downplay it, as after all I'm already living in England and that's enough Englishness for me. But that's just blood, it doesn't proportionally affect what I look like or take interest in. Plus, the culture is awesome, the history is awesome etc. etc.
I guess the same could be said for half black/half white people who are deemed black by American society, so they identify themselves as black men, like Obama but if they went back to Africa people might view them as white men or mixed race. Just as if I became the US President (which would be a catastrophe) I'd be the first Asian President ;D
I don't even think I'm even given the chance to reject it. If I say I'm Eurasian, society doesn't "label" me as Eurasian but as Asian or part-Asian not white or part-white. Basically the one drop rule in play.
My thought is why even say I'm Eurasian, I'll be labeled Asian or part-Asian only anyway.
Mongol identity traditionally never cares about how mixed your own blood is, hence, it's my identity, and the identity of my family.
Sure, if confronted I won't deny my mixed heritage, but its not something I identify with; I guess I just found it easier for dumbass pureblooded minds to consider me a human being by calling myself by a single race.
@kalvin i know what you mean. Living in SEA countries, there alot of discrimination against Eurasian, They are ashame of their colonial past and tend to show angst onto us! They imagine that Eurasian meant that you are a bas**rd or your mum is a wh*re!! I tend hide my true identity and often pass myself as An Arab.
You cant imagine the abuse i received as a kid for being EA. I resort to lying about my own race and reject my identity. I never allow my friend to come to my home if my dad around. I so afraid that they find out that I'm an EA.
I would be lying if i have truly accept being an EA. As i still a closet EA and only reveal my true identity to closest friend or an other EA.
Yeah, did so many many times. And even now, I'm not overly happy with being 'half' and not 'full' something. It always gives me a feeling of being inferior (sorry for being so negative!!!!) I even hated to look at other EAs because I hated looking into those all too familiar faces where eyes don't match their noses or cheeks don't match their foreheads... But I'm much happier with my identity now than I was growing up and there's even more room for improvement!!
But I'm glad for all those that never questioned their eurasian identity. I wish I would've been as confident when I was little (and not so little).
Actually, I feel uncomfortable admitting to total strangers that I am Eurasian.. I don't like to and try to avoid it. If I do admit it to people that I am Eurasian I feel awkward with the annoying questions they always ask me. It's like they are trying to challenge me cos they always have to comment on the way i look.. almost always people tell me I don't look Eurasian Then they say I look more Asian ...
But when i deny I am Eurasian yes I do feel guilty ..
"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."