|
|
Post by thekrez on Sept 24, 2007 13:30:10 GMT -5
After thinking about this topic in great detail I have decided to post.
To what extent as a girl did your father influence your choice in a partner?
By this Im alluding to the infamous Elektra complex, twin to the Oedipal.
For those girls who are married or in long term relationships, does your partner reflect the character of your father? For those girls still in short relationships, are consciously aware of this influence at all?
I have encountered numerous girls where the father became the defining figure driving their relationships, long after he had either passed or ceased to become relevant in their adult lives.
|
|
|
|
Post by cjsdad on Sept 24, 2007 14:01:11 GMT -5
The old saying goes....
You BECOME one of your parents, you marry someone like the other.
Notice it doesn't have to be gender matched, however.
|
|
|
|
Post by TeeHee on Sept 24, 2007 15:26:55 GMT -5
even though my dad adores my bf, they're nowhere near similar in personality. if anything, i tend more toward qualities that are opposite of my dad's.
|
|
|
|
Post by Micha on Sept 24, 2007 18:42:48 GMT -5
My Dad never lived with me and played/plays a minimal part in my life - pays for school fees and sees me occasionally as he's always on business trips. We were very close when I was young but have drifted apart vastly - I find it difficult choosing Father's Day and Birthday cards as I try and choose the simplest and least sentimental message.
As a consequence (I think) my boyfriends have all been very off-the-rails, 'bad boy' types and I think I'm heavily attracted to that because I think aggression on their part = protection. I never did but do now think that my Dad had a negative influence on me as all these guys have been jerks and my relationship with my Mother has been utterly rubbish too thus I like boys who treat me like s*** because in a strange way I feel I deserve it too. Make any sense?
|
|
|
|
Post by alisa on Sept 24, 2007 20:03:51 GMT -5
Yes, I think that my bf has the same 'paternal' qualities as my own dad. I know that he would be a good provider and family man. Creepy when I think about it, in the sense that my subconcious is preparing for motherhood and all that jazz. hmmmm......
Quick! Someone get me a bad boy!!
|
|
cm
Junior Member
Posts: 68 
|
Post by cm on Sept 25, 2007 0:15:04 GMT -5
Psych 101 psychologists to the rescue  It probably applies to some men as well. Of course, it's not everybody, so the theory doesn't hold ground completely. But they do have studies that correlate people with abusive spouses who had abusive parents. Again, just studies, who knows how they manipulated the data. |
|
|
|
Post by hapalicious on Sept 25, 2007 0:36:05 GMT -5
i never brought a bf home. well, if i did, he was just a friend when i introduced him. noone was ever worthy of my dad. i would want to introduce my s.o. as someone just as intelligent/ambitious/generous and kind hearted as i picture my dad to be, if not more. i doubt i ll ever find the match but i d at least want daddy s approval if i found someone that didn t encompass my dad s qualities or what he d want for me but was almost just as worthy in my eyes... funnily enough, i do think my sister found someone "worthy" of my dad and i pray that they d never break up. funny thing : they actually have the same filthy character, short temper, impatience when it comes to explaining things, to shopping, they roll their eyes at the same things but when put together in the same room they ll both fall silent and not utter a word but rather examine each other like strange creatures... i think it s because they re so similar in nature and they know it !  |
|
|
|
Post by Ave` on Sept 25, 2007 0:45:41 GMT -5
I certainly hope my partner wont reflect the character of my father. I hate my father. I had trouble trusting men thx to him.
|
|
|
|
Post by hapalicious on Sept 25, 2007 1:04:44 GMT -5
^real sorry to hear that. is there no way you 2 can start afresh ? or has he done too much harm ?
i could never hate my parents. no matter how much they can hurt me sometimes. i know it was never intentional and even if he never said the words, i know my dad s sorry for a few things he s done. i know they want the best for me even if the best can end up being an utter failure...
|
|
|
|
Post by Roam'n on Sept 25, 2007 1:07:24 GMT -5
This makes me want to be best possible dad to my daughter, although it's hard to do when you realize you're replicating the same crappy patterns of your own parents.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ave` on Sept 25, 2007 2:10:26 GMT -5
^real sorry to hear that. is there no way you 2 can start afresh ? or has he done too much harm ? i could never hate my parents. no matter how much they can hurt me sometimes. i know it was never intentional and even if he never said the words, i know my dad s sorry for a few things he s done. i know they want the best for me even if the best can end up being an utter failure... You should try to refrain from patronizing other ppl lives. You prolly have a life full of rainbows and cinnamons but it isnt always the case for other ppl. However, you can rest assured I didnt hate my dad just because he wouldnt let me go to some stupid boy band concert. |
|
|
|
Post by waywardwolf on Sept 25, 2007 2:19:08 GMT -5
^ Now, now. Not everyone with a forgiving heart has had an easy life. I wish I were more forgiving towards my parents, I'm on good terms with my dad, but my mom is very self-centered and critical of my life even though a lot of what I am is because of her. Well, she and her biker uncles. Never the less, I owe it all to them, the good and the bad.
|
|
|
|
Post by alisa on Sept 25, 2007 2:33:50 GMT -5
Bit off topic, but did anyone see the Oprah show where there was this lady who was shot point blank in the head by a teen who just wanted to rob her, but survived? She had to relearn speech, movement, everything. He's still in jail for it, but they had him on video phone and she was saying how she forgave him for it. It took her family years to do the same thing, but she forgave him almost as soon as she knew what had happened. She was quite inspiring actually. Like one of the psychologists on the show said, holding a grudge is like swallowing poison, expecting the other person to drop dead
|
|
|
|
Post by Ave` on Sept 25, 2007 2:37:42 GMT -5
Youre so right Luk ..I hope maybe one day I could forgive him. But there are things worst then being shot at by a small kid. Can you believe me and stop judging ppl?
A side note: I just realise that a lot of ppl here consider themself high and mighty...almost....inhuman
|
|
|
|
Post by waywardwolf on Sept 25, 2007 2:52:15 GMT -5
I just realise that a lot of ppl here consider themself high and mighty...almost....inhuman People here are certainly opinionated, you among them, but that doesn't mean they think your opinions are lower. On the internet, it's hard to do anything more than compare and share opinions I think. I'm quite glad to have such a wild cat as yourself posting here. A side note: I do consider myself inhuman and rather canine. |
|
