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Post by daisypukes on Dec 11, 2007 4:41:33 GMT -5
It's so much harder making friends as an adult than as a kid. You can't just walk up to them in the sandbox and say "Hi, do you wanna be my friend?" And for someone that moves a lot, you can't keep your childhood/teenage friends. You have to constantly be making new friends. And it's so f***ing hard. Sometimes it's easy, you just click right off the bat. But those times are few and far between. Usually the beginning is awkward, you're both trying to feel each other out, get a common denominator (an interest or what-have-you) going so the awkwardness will fall away. Then there are the people that you don't even want to be friends with who somehow end up your friends (co-workers, the SO's friends, etc). Making new platonic friends seems to me just as difficult (or more difficult) than making new romantic friends. Is it just me who thinks this? Is making friends a tense chore for anyone else?  |
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Post by elle on Dec 11, 2007 7:18:41 GMT -5
Depends on what you mean by friend. There are "friends" in the real sense and then acquaintances. (with some existing somewhere in between that). I think for most people it's hard enough to maintain maybe around about 5 REAL friends. Most people don't even have that. You can "manage" hundreds of acquaintances, as they more or less require no emotional investments. They may require periodic time and chat investments for maintenance with the hope that they or you broker a larger network of acquaintances with the possibility of yielding somebody who has potential for actual friendship. Now i'm really getting into the area of networking. But through networking you can find friends, I'd go so far as to say it's a great way to make friends.
People who jealously don't share their 'friends', I find to be a bit backwards these days. It might just be me.
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Mr Brad Pitt
Full Member
Social Retard Spreading Sh.i.t
Posts: 467
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Post by Mr Brad Pitt on Dec 11, 2007 7:53:45 GMT -5
I's not always a matter of jealousy: our personality has different sides, so we have different friends according to them.
And sometimes you know that this friend wouldn't match with this one, they wouldn't understand or be interested in each other.
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Post by long on Dec 11, 2007 7:55:03 GMT -5
Don't hang out with people you don't like. Do hang out with people you do like - become their friend. Be loyal. It can be done!  I forgot an important part: you have to be likable too.  Oh, and you have to like yourself, otherwise the people you like might not like you. Aside from all that it should be about as easy as an adult as it is for a child... 'cept we're busier I s'pose. |
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Post by DivaDancerLara on Dec 11, 2007 10:21:48 GMT -5
i am giving up all expectations of friendship....I am happier this way
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Post by ConceptDesign on Dec 11, 2007 18:54:01 GMT -5
But Enid, how much vitriolic soul bearing have you done on this site? You've said stuff that I'm sure you would only share with close friends. Sad thing is some posters here, like me, are Turing Bots, nothing more that a clever programs designed to trick ppl into thinking they're chatting with a real person.
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Post by JohnCoolYoungHistory on Dec 12, 2007 2:21:31 GMT -5
Making good, reliable, ride or die friends is hard no matter how old you are, young or old. If you thought you made good friends at a faster rate when you were younger it's just because you were exposed to a more numerous amount of people back then.
Making a good friend is simply hard because it can take up to a year to really get to know and trust someone and then build off of that.
I've made a real good close friend, while on the move, once every few years since I was in high school.
When it comes down to it you really only need your best friend and your significant other anyways
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Post by viruslabrat on Dec 12, 2007 7:44:53 GMT -5
It is harder as an adult to make new friends unless you already have a lot of friends and acquaintances. I'm still friends with a lot of people from high school and I meet new people through them at get-togethers and parties. If you've missed out on making a lot of friends in school or you've moved to a different city after you've graduated and went straight into work I think it could be difficult. Sometimes you make friends at work but there's less opportunity to make a lot of friends. And people tend to be more stand-offish as adults, like they're afraid of being rejected so they don't even make much of an attempt to find friendship when they meet someone new. But once in a while you're lucky enough to find someone that you think you might click with or is similar to you. That can make things difficult too if you're both as reserved as each other...
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Post by avax on Dec 12, 2007 8:44:57 GMT -5
^Probably depends on the industry you're in. There are professional (/regulatory) associations that have events and other misc promotional things and galas/awards too. Lots of opportunity to meet others of your "kind" and their personal contacts - who may not be related to your industry.
The whole "networking" just reminds me of someone I know who makes it sound like it's her day job.. when she has no job. I guess it IS doing something.. but for crying outloud, it's so pretentious - business style. "Oh yeah and can I get a LOA of 2 years by the way."
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Post by Freecia on Dec 12, 2007 11:20:55 GMT -5
It probably has a lot to do with personality. If you're naturally outgoing, then of course it may be easier to make friends than those who aren't as outgoing.
Also, the kind of knowledge you possess could be important too. One of the things to attract friends is the things you can come up with to talk about. I mean, no one's gonna spill out their life stories the first time they meet each other right? Having more topics in your head to talk about helps a person to make friends easier, I suppose.
I think it's pretty much a proven fact that it's harder to make friends as adults than earlier years. As we get older, we build up walls around ourselves because we've been hurt by ____(whoever) so we're not as easy to open up to any random stranger that comes into our lives.
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Post by daisypukes on Dec 12, 2007 11:30:42 GMT -5
^For me it's not so much not being able to meet people/make friends, it's more a difficulty in making friends I actually want to have as friends. I'm great at making lousy friends.
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Post by Freecia on Dec 12, 2007 12:29:52 GMT -5
^ I assume it has a lot to do with how you surround yourself, and the way you present yourself. As sorry as it is, people can't help but judge. First impression is important for your job, friendship, as well as relationships. Just like you don't want to be friends with lousy people, you have to make sure that you don't appear to be lousy in the eyes of others either. Image is important, how you carry yourself is important too.  |
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Post by DivaDancerLara on Dec 12, 2007 13:22:04 GMT -5
I am discovering that the laws of attraction have some part to play. People want to be around positive energy (well the people you want to be around) and so if you have a healthy self esteem and apreciate yourself and others you will attract those type of people around you. When you are positive about yourself you emit that and people are attracted to it like bees to honey. Screen out the bad distructive and negative people and you WILL have the friends you will like. There is always opportunity for great friendship. Don't get bogged down with rules. There are no absolutes in this one. But also have the strength to know that people may come in and out of your life. The minute you are fine with that I find you will have better relationships with people. My rule is have with the one you are with and try not to judge (I say these things not because I am an expert but always an eternal student)
SMooCHES!
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Post by elle on Dec 12, 2007 14:45:42 GMT -5
aristotle had several things to say on the topic
A friend is another I.
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Without friends, no one would choose to live, though they had all other goods.
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What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
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A true friend is one soul in two bodies.
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Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.
which probably explains why the best friends are those you grew up with in formative years.
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Post by daisypukes on Dec 12, 2007 22:19:22 GMT -5
^ I assume it has a lot to do with how you surround yourself, and the way you present yourself. As sorry as it is, people can't help but judge. First impression is important for your job, friendship, as well as relationships. Just like you don't want to be friends with lousy people, you have to make sure that you don't appear to be lousy in the eyes of others either. Image is important, how you carry yourself is important too. It's not so much how I carry myself. It's lack of people. The kind of people that I get along with anyway. I'm somewhat an eccentric and the kind of people I prefer being friends with are oddball and interesting. It's just hard meeting interesting people. Most people you meet will be snoozeville. When I do meet people who I find interesting, I'm almost always able to make that connection. It's just that they're not a big part of the population anywhere. And then sometimes when I do meet people like that, I have these huge expectations that get shot to sh*t because they live too far away or what-have-you. |
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