|
|
Post by betahat on May 11, 2010 14:30:05 GMT -5
The thing I appreciate the most about my dad was his non-competitiveness - there's nothing I hate more than watching fathers (or parents in general) put down their children or grind them down whether in physical or intellectual competition. I cringe whenever I see it - parents that need to prove how great they and seek affirmation in being better than their kids (or other people's kids). My view of good parenting is that it means challenging, not coddling, your children while giving them room to grow and giving them self-confidence.
My mom set the boundaries but "disciplining" was unnecessary - I think my siblings and I all genuinely wanted to please my parents and other adults because we sought their admiration and respect. That's the ideal I'll strive for as a parent. They both were very affectionate which I think is also something to strive for, but that's because I'm not a big believer in "macho culture." Others here might disagree.
|
|
|
|
Post by FreckleFoot on May 12, 2010 3:30:07 GMT -5
^ Even when things are different now, simply raising the subject brings me to tears more easily than any other topic. ^This led me to think you had not healed, it's good if you have. It is still a very sensitive topic, but that does not mean I have not healed. If I think about my dead grandfather long enough and try hard enough to put myself back in time to when he passed away, I will cry too, but I've recovered over his loss many years ago and rarely think about what I went through in losing him. It's the same with the situation I had with my father. If it comes up in a conversation with close friends and I am thinking about it for a long time as we talk, I will get upset, but it hardly enters my mind the rest of the time and one thought about it does not affect me. It's as if I place myself back into the position I am no longer in when I think of it for a long time period. I hope that makes sense. Thank you for explaining. As someone who has also been through a lot of pain, I'm sure you'll understand if I say focusing on the good and shutting out the bad, or thinking 'it could be worse!' is something I have done for a large portion of my life! I think I have recovered fairly well. People are always shocked to hear only a few of the things I've been through because they can't believe I could be so kind and gentle afterwards. That's interesting. I wonder what the purpose is of feeling more if men are programmed not to express it and vice versa? I don't know how the artists and so on were able to express it if they are biologically programmed not to, though. Do all great expressive men have something wrong with them and that's why they are able to express these emotions? The thing I appreciate the most about my dad was his non-competitiveness - there's nothing I hate more than watching fathers (or parents in general) put down their children or grind them down whether in physical or intellectual competition. I cringe whenever I see it - parents that need to prove how great they and seek affirmation in being better than their kids (or other people's kids). I hate that too... My parents were one of the least competitive ones, but they are friends with another couple. This couple is clearly competitive and very smug about being better than my parents (and their child being better than my parents' children): more money, higher social standing, bigger house, better furniture, more expensive car, etc... I hated visiting them. I don't know why my parents still keep in touch. It was always something like this: 'Oh, you bought a Renault? Well, I'VE got a MERCEDES/BMW/PORSCHE.' It didn't help that I was always compared to his daughter who was handed everything on a silver platter whereas I had to fight for it. I think you will make an excellent parent then.  My parents didn't need to do much except for when my brother and I were very young and didn't know the difference between good and bad behaviour. Once we knew, we always wanted to please our parents. |
|
conorsoccr23
Junior Member
EAN Spelling Bee Winner!
Posts: 158
|
Post by conorsoccr23 on May 12, 2010 15:57:30 GMT -5
i hate wen pple think asian chicks r a fetish and my dad went to asia lookin for a sex toy and picked up my mom and ya btw my dad woodnt need to do tht cuz well i dont wanna get into tht
|
|
|
|
Post by eanpavel on Jan 19, 2012 15:30:23 GMT -5
My mum is European and dad is Asian. In China ppl usually assume that my mum is Asian, and they r really surprised that it’s the other way round...I can’t imagine having Asian mum to be honest...
Actually most mixed couples in my parents generation that I know abt is AM/WF, most AF/WM couples are younger. At that time most Asians (usually those from Soviet Bloc) came here as university students, and I guess there were less women back then pursuing their higher education, so maybe that’s the reason.
BTW, do u think the fact that u have European/Asian mother has any impact on u? I mean, mothers usually spend much more time with the children than fathers do, doing baby sitting and taking care of the house, preparing traditional meals ect., especially in our early childhood. From my experience it seems that women take more active part in passing on their culture to children. I haven’t met many EAs, who have Asian mum, but the one I’ve met seems to lean more towards his Asian side. He himself said that it can have something to do with the fact that his mum is Asian. What is ur experience?
|
|
|
|
Post by toyomansi on Jan 20, 2012 22:38:57 GMT -5
BTW, do u think the fact that u have European/Asian mother has any impact on u? I mean, mothers usually spend much more time with the children than fathers do, doing baby sitting and taking care of the house, preparing traditional meals ect., especially in our early childhood. From my experience it seems that women take more active part in passing on their culture to children. I haven’t met many EAs, who have Asian mum, but the one I’ve met seems to lean more towards his Asian side. He himself said that it can have something to do with the fact that his mum is Asian. What is ur experience? My Asian mom did more than 90% of the job raising me, so I grew up hearing the Asian language all the time, eating Asian food, learning to play mahjong, singing karaoke, learning Asian values, Asian humor etc. My niece and nephew have an Asian dad (my half brother) and white mom, and they seem to lean more towards their white side (although my mom did give them a lot of Asian influence). |
|
|
|
Post by eanpavel on Jan 21, 2012 18:28:42 GMT -5
^ Does it mean u lean more towards ur Asian side then? Well that guy theory must be right then  I’m the exact opposite in respect of culture I was mostly immerse in at home as a child. I guess it can be easily deducted from my last post - my mum is a typical housewife, she always stayed with us at home and I grew up surrounded by the customs, traditons, daily habits that my mum got from her European family. It seems that my dad has never tried to interfere with the way she was bringing me and my bro up. Well to be fair, he works abroad and rarely has a chance to see us, but even when he was home he has never tried to bring us up in a different way (... just one silly example: I’ve learnt how to use chopsticks just in my teens on my first trip to Vietnam, we even didn’t have any at home back then lol) . As a result I definitly lean more towards my Euro side... |
|
|
|
Post by jefe on Feb 6, 2012 12:07:35 GMT -5
As I mentioned in the past, I think people get different things from their parents. To oversimplify and generalize, I think for many people . .
- Mom has more influence on habits and practices within the home (eg, food, hygiene, folk beliefs, etc.)
- Dad has more influence on social role in the community and how the family interacts with people outside the home
You need both of these to get a full representation.
This can change very much if there are people present (eg, grandparents and other relatives) or absent (1 or both parents) in this arrangement .
I had a white mom, but my Asian grandparents were nearby and I saw them very frequently in my early childhood. In fact, they watched me daily while my mother worked until my younger brother was born. I ended up learning Chinese dialect before English despite having my white mom at home who learned to speak very very little Chinese. My brother, on the other hand, never learned more than a smattering of Chinese dialect (which I am sure he has forgotten by now).
|
|
