Asian for Asian, White for White?

[halfbreed]

So when your parents try to hook you up with people, does the white parent try to get you with whites and the Asian parent with Asians?

Discuss.

[Phil]

what it ur parents are mixed too not that mine are, but I know Mels were and she always made comments about how they were.

I figure most parents shouldnt care too much since they crossed that colour line themselves .

[Emily]

I doubt my white dad would try to have me date mainly white guys. Amongst all my white friends, I've yet to witness such conduct. Actually, when I think of it, I just don't really see white people getting involved in their children's romances.

As for my mom, were she to try to set me up with "suitors," she'd probably opt for Filipino guys. But I think this has more to do with her keeping within the Filipino community, so it's not like she could really propose non-flip guys.

[straylight]

No, they don't get involved.. Except my Mom made a weird proposition once awhile back: She actually asked if I wanted to marry some girl related to one of her friends, just for a greencard. The family was gonna pay me $5000 on top of that. That freaked me out.

Otherwise, my parents don't care.

[Emily]

^ You should have accepted, and divorced once all the paperwork had been cleared. Even after the divorce filing fees, you'd still have pocketed a good chunk of money. ;D

[avax]

Mar 16, 2008 18:12:45 GMT -5 Phil said:

what it ur parents are mixed too

It depends where they've grown up. Mine had 'one drop rule' pounded into their heads from birth to ..now. Told us we were what we weren't and left out a lot. So half of us (siblings, some were born in their country, others in another) have/had different standards.

No. 1 rule:
They do not hook up, they shoot down.

I'll answer anyway because it seems HB's question is based more on the idea of racial solidarity. In reality for my case anyway, it's more like racial don't-know-what-exactly-but-damn-right-we-have-an-opinion.

A few things remained constant across the board, wherever, whoever. What I've found is similar, but maybe not quite the same as SAM's reference to 'class'.

-Marrying a darker skinned is like changing your sexuality
-Do not marry lazy darker skinned asians (smart ones with professional occupations are ok)
-Do not marry poor
-Do not marry dumb whites (smart ones with professional occupations are ok)
-Marry another eurasian? ("oh really. what's their eurasian name? I bet I know them" - there are apparently names of european families who notoriously married outside of their circles; again, prevalent in some parts of world, totally irrelevant in others)
-Parent's moaning may not reflect their own personal views - they are balancing grandparents demands and/or trying to courteously remove themselves from them (see a pattern?). Parent's asian parent may be the one adamantly against darker skinned people, and parent may reflexively think the same and be bothered by some conscience. Or they may back it up with fears that are based in another country, but make no sense to you as a child in current country.

All in all this makes up a lot of squabble that's just a lot of noise. Thankfully my parents also judge according to how 'happy' we are. They are quite fair in those terms, despite their round-about-way. Ea parents bicker and bitch a lot, and I constantly joke that 'you two should work out your cultural differences in a more constructive manner'. They seem to have a penchant for breaking rules, but depending on how big the taboo, some things still are carved in stone.

[catgirl]

My mum didnt care who I dated. My dad wanted me to date catholics I guess, no matter what nationality....

My friends seemed to want to hook me up with white guys, but thats probably because thats what there are most of where I lived. I think all my close friends only went for white guys.

[thekrez]

^ It not like you really had a choice other than white guys, Im sure the Nordic countries are not the most racially diverse places on the planet.

[catgirl]

Its true. Not many EA guys to choose among either. Bergen is not so diverse, but Oslo is pretty diverse. But the 1st and 2nd generation immigrants are usually Pakistani, Somalian.

Poland where I live know (Stettin) is very little diverse. There are barely any immigrants here! Maybe a few Vietnamese ones, but thats it...I havent seen one single black person here. I find it a bit strange.

[ChickenSoda]

My mom would definitely prefer me to date white girls, but I never really get a hard time about it. She says that all of the girls I date look the same, though- even the ones who aren't asian.

[Vestirse]

My parents are both mixed and are both Chinese Jamaicans. My dad wanted me to marry another Chinese Jamaican (as he put it "someone of our same culture"). Mom never gave a damn as long as I was happy.

[viruslabrat]

My mother would like me to marry a Filipino because she doesn't have many friends (sometimes she even tries to hang out with me!). More than enough reason NOT to date one if it means I have to have my mother around all the time! Both my parents would be over-joyed though if I ended up with an American - they think Australians aren't good enough. They seem to forget that I'm Australian and I consider my friends Aussie too since they were either born or raised here. It's gonna be a tough task trying to make them happy since I've only come across one American guy living here (Perth's not exactly on Americans' "Places I'd like to live" list) and I did date him for about 4 months. I could see they were disappointed when we broke up. Thankfully it never got to the point where Dad got the opportunity to make him drink Bud with him (it's so friggin embarrassing going to the bottle shop and buying Budweiser for him - I always get the look of "what the hell are you doing?" from everyone). Dad's so hung up on getting any connection with the US that if I dated a guy who just passed through a US airport on the way to another country he'd be slapping them on the back and saying "Welcome to the family!"

[Phil]

My parents, well my dad is more concerned about me getting a good respectable career. So Hakka of him. And my german mom she probably thinks I'm not interested in girls and prays for me to bring any girl home.

Mar 17, 2008 22:35:48 GMT -5 Vestirse said:

My parents are both mixed and are both Chinese Jamaicans. My dad wanted me to marry another Chinese Jamaican (as he put it "someone of our same culture")

I'm Jafaken.
Actually I gotta visit Jamaica someday. I'm always listening to reggae and have a goat roti and Ting in my hands. I'd really like to see that reggae vibe down there. I know chinese was always involved in Jamaican music and I wanna learn about that more.

Mar 18, 2008 20:21:17 GMT -5 biginjapan said:

I am so tired of people being purely superficial and wanting to date me cause I'm "exotic." It is nice to be around people who are equally as cultured who understand your background.

You've come to a familiar place. Great to hear such words from another Eurasian, a new member, another person.

[TeeHee]

Mar 18, 2008 20:21:17 GMT -5 biginjapan said:

Now I am pretty much at the point of only wanting to date full asians or half because white guys treat half asian girls like a fad. I have dated a lot of white guys who are only attracted to asian girls. I am so tired of people being purely superficial and wanting to date me cause I'm "exotic." It is nice to be around people who are equally as cultured who understand your background.

Gotta keep the hapa blood pure!

no offense, but you talk as though asian guys are immune to treating EA girls like an exotic fad object. not denying that some white/non-asian guys do that, but the objectification can come from both sides, and i've experienced my fair from a variety of races/ethnicities(asian, white, EA, black, mixed-black, latino etc), to different extents depending on where i was at the time. as for "keeping the hapa blood pure"...unless you're having kids with another EA, your kids' "hapa blood" wouldn't be any "purer" with a full asian than it would be if you had them with a full white. they'd be 3/4asian1/4white or 3/4white1/4asian respectively.

anyways, between asian and white, my folks are ok with either one. if anything, my dad(asian) has been kinder/more welcoming to the white guys i dated than asian guys who came around, though i doubt it was directly because of their asian or whiteness. with past white exes, he generally liked them until he saw how they were mistreating me. the asian guys weren't actual boyfriends, but just friends of mine who liked me, and my dad just knew it and advised against the idea of me dating them saying things along the lines of that they were "funny-looking, too short, not man enough."
my current bf is white, and my dad adores him. word from my mom, he'd told her "she should stick with him. he's a good man for her."
with my mom(EA), she only had a phobia about blacks, as a result of too many bad experiences with some black folk(we're from new orleans). since our move, she's lightened up in that respect. either way, that didn't influenced my choice in whether or not i'd date a black man(i've dated a mixed black guy, and wouldn't have a problem being with a black person if i weren't already with someone).

[cm]

If you go Hispanic, your parents panic

If you go white, it's alright

If you go black, take it back

If you go EA, that's the way