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Post by grassgrace on Mar 20, 2009 19:56:37 GMT -5
wow, my bad. what is the romantic love chemical (the one that is onl supposed to last 2 years) called then?
i remember watching something that sounds similar about how some people (in very rare cases), humans release some chemical that makes them want to be together for life, like birds or something...lol
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Post by Miyuki on Mar 20, 2009 20:12:35 GMT -5
"On top of that, monogamy isn't even natural in human beings, and the love chemical only lasts a maximum of 2 years." Well, the chemical still seems to be working for me after 3.5 years. 8.5 years for me. I don't think it's the love chemical. Lust chemical maybe?
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Post by grassgrace on Mar 20, 2009 20:24:10 GMT -5
hang on, i'm now on a mission to get this right. 'Italian scientists have found that the chemical in the brain which makes us romantic disappears over a year. They say this explains why the happy, wonderful and confident feelings we experience at the start of a relationship do not last forever. Researchers from the University of Pavia discovered that levels of a chemical called Nerve Growth Factor (NGF) greatly increase when a person first falls in love. NGF levels come from the rush of adrenalin and love of life that occur when new love blossoms. The chemical fades over a year or so after people become more secure in a relationship. ''www.breakingnewsenglish.com/0511/051129-romance-e.doc
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Post by Subuatai on Mar 21, 2009 6:57:32 GMT -5
Love chemical only for a maximum of two years?!
For some reason the same passion we had THREE years ago is still the same, if not even stronger then before - in a different way though. It does feel slightly different, it's hard to describe really. It's just something that really makes you feel a strong sense of belonging, I don't really have the excitement or fear or adrenaline anymore sure...
However before she got pregnant we both used to date around and lead others on as individuals and as a team (and sharing stories of hearts we broke, even betting). As cruel as that maybe, I guess we enjoyed an active dating life even while we were loyal to each other - it was actually I who betrayed this trust in the past, hence we never did this for a long time.
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Post by Miyuki on Mar 21, 2009 14:21:59 GMT -5
hang on, i'm now on a mission to get this right. 'Italian scientists have found that the chemical in the brain which makes us romantic disappears over a year. They say this explains why the happy, wonderful and confident feelings we experience at the start of a relationship do not last forever. Researchers from the University of Pavia discovered that levels of a chemical called Nerve Growth Factor (NGF) greatly increase when a person first falls in love. NGF levels come from the rush of adrenalin and love of life that occur when new love blossoms. The chemical fades over a year or so after people become more secure in a relationship. ''www.breakingnewsenglish.com/0511/051129-romance-e.docThe happy, wonderful and confident feelings really do last forever for some people. The excitement and butterflies in your stomach, that stuff doesn't. I think it's just because it's all new at the time.
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Post by grassgrace on Mar 23, 2009 7:05:04 GMT -5
i think this is my cue to become a love optimist
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Post by meep on May 2, 2009 21:56:21 GMT -5
I think if it works, it works. Marriage has nothing to do with the way things pan out. Love and commitment, the sharing of life together in its ups and downs and so on can all take place outside of marriage and can happen just as formally and informally.
I don't have any rigid culturally attachments, or religious beliefs and perhaps that is why I don't place importance on marriage. I would get married only for government benefits, and not to make a formal commitment to sharing the life of my significant other forever because, I see a point in the former and believe that the latter can be made outside of marriage.
In your case, however, as the girl is religious and marriage is important to her, as well as her position a social context, you, despite your take on marriage, should marry her. I believe that there is a point for marriage in this situation, to make her, your beloved, happy.
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Post by Subuatai on May 2, 2009 23:43:30 GMT -5
Due to the rather stressful financial situation since moving in together, we are now registered as a married couple. Never had to feed anyone but myself until now, everything is a real shock to me ever since she got pregnant.
Not really my idea of romance to be honest, we didn't even have a wedding. No sharing of vows either, no honeymoon, no nothing - just registered to ease off financial pressures by claiming family support payments from the government. We plan to have a proper wedding later of course after she delivers... either way, it's weird, it's like I didn't even have a choice in this matter due the situation. Hell I didn't even object to the idea.
To be honest, never in my life would I had expected that I would end up married this way. Don't really feel great about it either, I just hope on the wedding day it can still be meaningful.
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Post by meep on May 3, 2009 0:31:00 GMT -5
Due to the rather stressful financial situation since moving in together, we are now registered as a married couple. Never had to feed anyone but myself until now, everything is a real shock to me ever since she got pregnant. Not really my idea of romance to be honest, we didn't even have a wedding. No sharing of vows either, no honeymoon, no nothing - just registered to ease off financial pressures by claiming family support payments from the government. We plan to have a proper wedding later of course after she delivers... either way, it's weird, it's like I didn't even have a choice in this matter due the situation. Hell I didn't even object to the idea. To be honest, never in my life would I had expected that I would end up married this way. Don't really feel great about it either, I just hope on the wedding day it can still be meaningful. I think in this situation, it'd be beneficial to throw away romantic ideals and deal with the lifestyle changes in a rational manner. Your marriage is still 'meaningful' (how is it not?) despite the fact that it is not within a traditional context. I think it'd be best to forget the cliches that you hold in regards to romance and marriage and instead try to make the best of the situation that you are currently in.
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Post by Subuatai on May 3, 2009 21:50:05 GMT -5
Yeah that's pretty much what we're being forced to do - but doesn't mean either of us want to throw away romantic ideals... well, it doesn't seem to bother her (nothing seems to bother her - I think she's in denial). Tradition or not, I still remember us sharing our romantic ideals with each other in the past, thats why I know even if she portrays a tough face, things could be a lot better. Oh well, I think I'll just focus on the little things for now, just go ahead and get her a mummy's day prez (even though she's not officially a mum yet - Heaven isn't yet born)
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Post by meep on May 4, 2009 2:23:05 GMT -5
Yes of course, but my point is that I think your romantic ideals have the potential to distract you from the situation at hand. Not only that, but I think it reduces the significance of this situation in your life and undermines the happiness which could come from it.
In short, you could realise that this is a wonderful time for you, but you're stuck with these rigid ideals that form a barrier to this realisation.
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Post by Subuatai on May 4, 2009 5:23:44 GMT -5
LOL! happiness from working 2 jobs 7 days a week and having a new marriage imposed by a tiresome routine already? Heh, romantic ideals help distract me yes - but sometimes it can be a good thing Meh, I think I just miss the games and the romance, everything now is about our daughter.
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Post by rob on May 4, 2009 7:09:09 GMT -5
Yes of course, but my point is that I think your romantic ideals have the potential to distract you from the situation at hand. Not only that, but I think it reduces the significance of this situation in your life and undermines the happiness which could come from it. In short, you could realise that this is a wonderful time for you, but you're stuck with these rigid ideals that form a barrier to this realisation. Very well said I think I just miss the games and the romance, The people I know that enjoy the most "romance" and "games" are the most unhappy..... that stuff is fleeting and empty. I think long-term happiness is first about mutual respect and trust.... you seem to have found a wonderful person in that regard and the only thing standing in the way of happiness are your faulty pre-conceptions. Post here again after you witness the amazing strength of your wife when she delivers your child..... or when your newborn daughter sleeps on your bare chest. I think you'll experience happiness on a whole new level.
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Post by Subuatai on May 5, 2009 6:04:47 GMT -5
Understood, this is what others have said as well.
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Post by halfbreed on May 5, 2009 12:36:31 GMT -5
I hope Heaven doesn't turn out to be an atheist. ;D
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